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Have you ever had jealousy in a situationship?


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I (23M) recently became single and after a few weeks i started talking and seeing this other person (23F). we’ve been talking and hanging out for a month or so, i’ve been to her place and she to mine’s… we talk everyday. we know personal details from our lives. we’ve both stated we feel a STRONG connection to one another but also, that we do not, by any way want to commit to a relationship. me because of my recent breakup and she because i think she lingers more to open-ended relationships. even though i _have_ been seeing other people casually around this time, i can’t seem to completely stomach the idea that she does, too. and it would feel absolutely wrong to tell her of the jealousy i get when i see her going on dates with other people because 1) we’re not in a committed relationship and we’ve stated several times we are not exclusive 2) i’d feel incredibly hypocritical due to me also going on dates with other people 3) i want her to be part of my life still 

how do i get rid of my jealousy?  

TL;DR: me (23M) and a girl (23F) have a situationship in which we adore spending time together and talking to each other but won’t develop into a committed relationship due to personal reasons from the both of us. i’m struggling with jealousy from seeing her go out with other people, even though i do the same and now i won’t want a committed relationship anytime soon

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Possessiveness. It would be a one thing if you actually wanted her to be just with you. It would be almost impossible since she demanded "open relationship" but at least you would want you and her to be commited. Like this, you are just possessive. You dont want just her(in a sense of "just her") and want to date others. But you are having a problem with her dating other people too. Even you know that is hypocritical.

There is no magic stick to get rid of that. You are feeling like you are feeling. You shouldnt have agreed to her conditions if you have a problem with her dating others.

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You’ve only just broken up with your ex so may be reminded of being in a committed relationship also. 

Take more time to heal and leave things as they are or move on. You know this isn’t meant to last, whatever this is. This woman sounds like a rebound and I think you’re in denial about not wanting a relationship. It’s ok to outgrow situationships like these once they’re no longer fulfilling and are more hassle than they’re worth.

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Jealousy is one of the cons of multi-dating situations. It's basically like a FWB situation, since you say it's her preference to always be in open relationships. Like FWBs, they are never meant for permanency. They have short shelf lives.

Why not learn something from yourself about this? That short term relationships aren't for you, since they cause you to have ugly feelings. How about taking a break from dating until you've gone through all the stages of your breakup? Concentrate on buddies, hobbies, solo time, furthering your career, etc.

And just know that for the future, choosing not to multi-date doesn't mean you've chosen to be serious right off the bat. As for me, when I dated, when it got to the point a guy and I would be intimate, since I liked a guy enough to do that, I didn't want to multi-date and only wanted to be with someone on the same page.

In that case, we took it as wanting to solely date each other without outside interference, to see if we could build something beautiful. Choosing not to multi-date didn't mean we expected we'd be together a lifetime. We still took things one day at a time with a wait-and-see attitude. But if was more comfortable to know that we weren't making out with each other one day, and then the next day, having dates with other people.  Some people are okay with that and some aren't. But know you always have a choice to do things the way that suits YOU.

Take care.

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24 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Why not learn something from yourself about this? That short term relationships aren't for you, since they cause you to have ugly feelings.

Sure, this makes sense. I don't know that it's even possible to talk ourselves out of a gut jealousy, because it's not so much an intellectual thing. While sexual jealousy feels emotional, it's also biological, and some people carry a stronger gene for this than others. 

Decide whether the lousy feelings are worth the trade off. If so, here you are. If not, congrats for the self-awareness and the self respect.

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13 hours ago, AndersonPask said:

I (23M) recently became single and after a few weeks i started talking and seeing this other person (23F). we’ve been talking and hanging out for a month or so, i’ve been to her place and she to mine’s… we talk everyday. we know personal details from our lives. we’ve both stated we feel a STRONG connection to one another but also, that we do not, by any way want to commit to a relationship. me because of my recent breakup and she because i think she lingers more to open-ended relationships. even though i _have_ been seeing other people casually around this time, i can’t seem to completely stomach the idea that she does, too. and it would feel absolutely wrong to tell her of the jealousy i get when i see her going on dates with other people because 1) we’re not in a committed relationship and we’ve stated several times we are not exclusive 2) i’d feel incredibly hypocritical due to me also going on dates with other people 3) i want her to be part of my life still 

how do i get rid of my jealousy?  

TL;DR: me (23M) and a girl (23F) have a situationship in which we adore spending time together and talking to each other but won’t develop into a committed relationship due to personal reasons from the both of us. i’m struggling with jealousy from seeing her go out with other people, even though i do the same and now i won’t want a committed relationship anytime soon

Are you guys having sex with each other ?

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