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I (F,26) think my ex's (M,24) stepdad (M,37) is trying to come on to me since my ex dumped me.


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This is going to be long so I'm sorry about that. My (F,26) ex (M,24) dumped me about a week ago. we were together for two years. It was pretty out of the blue with a long list of excuses in regards to money. He was upset about me going to a concert and ignored me for two days. We've had a fight about spending time with one another lately. He likes to go to his friends and play video games for days at a time and I felt sort of left out/put on the back burner. He would say things to me like, "you don't need to come over the second I come home from work" (I wouldn't see him all week because he works out of state) and he would say, "I don't need to see you every second of every weekend." It was hurtful in hindsight. The latest line was that he wouldn't have plans for the weekend but I couldn't come around. It's been beyond hurtful. When he dumped me he talked a lot about money. How I can go get my nails and hair done, how I can spend money on concert tickets (tickets I bought for my mom and I to spend some time together), and how he hasn't taken me on dates because he's trying to save money but he just got a large promotion at work, etc. It was hurtful. I asked, "what about your family?" and he said, "I don't care, I'll tell them it was my fault I don't care." And he said, "you can still go around them, I don't care." He was stone cold during the entire thing, I have never seen him like that. I have not talked to him since and nor plan to.

I called my now ex's dad immediately after as I just needed advice and didn't know who to talk to. His stepdad is more of a friend than a father figure with his young age. My ex's biological mom and the stepdad aren't together anymore - my ex lives with his stepdad. We talked for an hour about what happened. He told me that he didn't know my ex was dumping me that weekend and he was acting totally normal. He told me he would try to talk to him about it. That following Monday, his stepdad reached out to have me come over which I've been to their house many times so I didn't find it weird. We ended up talking for four hours. He told me that he ended up telling my ex we talked. I panicked as I didn't know what his reaction would be. Apparently my ex said, "good she needs someone to talk to." Which I found odd. The stepdad asked him if he and myself would ever get back together, my ex said no and my ex stated we're just not compatible.

The stepdad has told me this story many times of my ex that my ex has approached him and said he "just doesn't know how to love, he knows he loves me (aka the stepdad) but doesn't know what it feels like beyond that." The stepdad has told me this story multiple times like I said throughout our dating. The stepdad has also told me, "you know I've told him when it comes to you to either *** or get off the pot, if he wants something with you to not drag this out or string you along." Which I thought was sort of.. intrusive. My ex is pretty avoidant and this was his first real relationship. Which doesn't seem right to me, it seems that the stepdad has been planting seeds in my ex's mind.

The stepdad has told me while in the relationship and these past two times I've seen him, "you know if I had a girlfriend like you I would lock you down so quick. You're perfect. I wish I had a girlfriend like you." Which I took as a sweet compliment at first but as time goes by it makes me uneasy. The stepdad has a track record of being with younger women. He has made out with my ex's best friends girlfriend, is currently sleeping with a married woman, is currently sleeping with a 25 year old, has talked to my ex's ex and found half nudes of her on his phone, and has made these comments towards me. My now ex never trusted him around me knowing how he is.

I asked the stepdad out to dinner today to see if he had talked to my ex more (not smart I know, I will stop doing this). Apparently my ex said, "I'm glad you're helping her (me) out." Which I find so unlike my ex. As the conversation went on he was really pressing me to move on and just let it go. Sure, I agree. He was really pressing me to move on but also at the same time saying I could come around the family still and if I wanted to come over and use the pool I could because I'm his (stepdad's) friend.  My friend pointed out, you know moving on entails not talking to anyone in the family including the stepdad. Also, I cannot believe for one second that my ex said these things and that he's glad I'm talking to his stepdad and his stepdad is talking to me. My ex would be pissed if I talked to my friends about our problems when we were together. Before I left today, the stepdad said to me, "well I care about you and I make time for you, I could've had anybody over and I chose to spend time with you."

I feel like the stepdad is saying things to me and my ex to keep us separated. He keeps beating into my head that my ex doesn’t care about me or else he’s be with me which is true. He also says my ex is really ***ed up and “you don’t want someone like that.” Or he's not saying things to my ex at all, which he's not obligated to but in one breath he's saying my ex is happy I'm talking to his stepdad but in the next he's saying I need to move on. I don't believe the comments my ex made to be true about being glad that I'm talking to his stepdad. I feel like my ex may have had doubts in our relationship and instead of his stepdad suggesting to talk to me, he planted more seeds of doubt in his mind to make him uneasy about the relationship - thus the harsh, cold dumping. Especially with the stringing along comment. I feel like the stepdad pushed my ex to dump me so he could get at me. I feel like the stepdad is preying on my heartache and vulnerable nature. I feel like he's trying to get me to sleep with him. I feel like he is an opportunist an saw and opportunity.

I could be reading this all wrong but something about this is so off and it's starting to make so much sense. I am now scared I'll be blackmailed eventually by the stepdad. Or he will say something to my ex and my ex will think I am pursuing his stepdad. I considered reaching out to my ex about the situation but thought it would be more drama and he probably wouldn't believe me, I'm not sure. All in all, I know I need to not talk to his stepdad again but I feel like the damage is done and something will slip out. I’m scared the stepdad is going to tell my ex that I’ve been trying to come onto him and turn it around on me.

TL;DR: My (F,26) ex (M,24) dumped me a week ago. I've been confiding in his stepdad (M,37) to get some clarification on the situation and the more I find out the more I feel he is purposely keeping my ex and I separated in attempts to sleep with me and prey on my young age and vulnerability. He has a track record of doing so.

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You're actually the one creating all this drama.

Stay away from the step dad. Accept that your ex broke up with you of his own choice. Move on with your life with your family, your friends. Allow time to heal and let the dust settle. you'll see things more clearly. 

 

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Why are you talking to your ex stepdad and going to dinners with him? When you know how he is and what kind of behavior he exhibits? Ofcourse he doesnt think about your ex and that he just wants to jump in on the opportunity. And even though you know that, you are talking to him and going on dinners? Irresponsible behavior by you.

Delete and block everyone by your ex side. Your ex stepdad is a sleeze and your ex seems to taken after him. Get out of your head that he is somehow responsible that you and your ex broke up. It really doesnt matter, your ex is his own man and makes his own decisions. His decision was to be cold and dump you unceremoniously. Focus on that when you think about break up and just stop all contact there.

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2 hours ago, sunnydaze8 said:

I asked the stepdad out to dinner today to see if he had talked to my ex more (not smart I know, I will stop doing this). Apparently my ex said, "I'm glad you're helping her (me) out." Which I find so unlike my ex. As the conversation went on he was really pressing me to move on and just let it go.

Okay, this needs to stop!

I am wondering, WHY would you go over there at all?  Why would you ask your ex's 'step dad' to dinner, seeing how shady he is?  And knowing his track record?  😕 

YOU my dear are very vulnerable and HE is trying to take advantage of you!  Please see this.. because I feel, deep inside you know this!

Do not talk to this loser at all anymore!

You get away from all of this now... No more contact is necessary.

You work on accepting your EX is now your ex and find someone else to talk/vent to. ( family.friends)... But omg, not him!

 

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You won't win back your ex by involving his stepfather.  All this is doing is sending the wrong message, while placing yourself in a position to easily be taken advantage of.

As difficult as it is, you're better off moving forward., and working your way through this on your own.

 

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