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I think my best friend has BPD and I don’t know how to tell her


undertheivy
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On 8/2/2022 at 4:30 PM, undertheivy said:

, I may try to at least get the name of her therapist and see what I can do!

That would be incredibly inappropriate and totally over the line.  We can't just somebody else's therapist or doctor and make enquiries and question them about their diagnosis etc.  Not only that, but I highly doubt they would give you any information - it would be totally unethical and could get them fired.  You are not a family member and have NO right to get hold of her therapist. 

It's great that you care about your friend, but you are way too over the top with wanting to interfere with her therapists etc.  Support her in any way you can, but back off from contacting her therapist etc.

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I think it's really nice that you care about your friend but I think unfortunately the best you can do is only suggest to your friend that she see a psychiatrist for an actual proper diagnosis. I think that's good you've researched BPD because it's always good to be more understanding and learn about mental health.

However, I personally wouldn't say to your friend things like "I think you have BPD". There are actually many traits of BPD that overlap with other mental health conditions or even other personality disorders. Sometimes people even get misdiagnosed by an actual psychiatrist. For example, my best male friend got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and put on Lithium. He didn't find it helpful but experienced bad side effects from it. Then many years later he saw a different psychiatrist who actually diagnosed him with just ADHD and OCD but nor bipolar. I think seeing as you're actually not a medical professional of any kind, it's not your place to diagnose, especially in the case if your "diagnosis" was actually wrong.

I don't think you should get involved in this to the point of actually calling your friend's therapist. I think that's too invasive and they are bound by confidentiality so they wouldn't talk to you unless you're listed as their emergency contact/next of kin.

Being friends with someone with bad mental health struggles is hard so I think it's OK to recognise that it takes a toll on you too. You can be supportive but don't play a "white knight" and always try to save her. You also can't make someone get help if they don't want to so unfortunately you don't have much power here.

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50 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

That would be incredibly inappropriate and totally over the line.  We can't just somebody else's therapist or doctor and make enquiries and question them about their diagnosis etc.  Not only that, but I highly doubt they would give you any information - it would be totally unethical and could get them fired.  You are not a family member and have NO right to get hold of her therapist. 

It's great that you care about your friend, but you are way too over the top with wanting to interfere with her therapists etc.  Support her in any way you can, but back off from contacting her therapist etc.

I’ve literally already said I wasn’t going to contact her therapist…

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1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Contacting her therapist is wholly inappropriate. At least your friend has the insight and wherewithal to be in therapy.

Keep in mind that psychology and psychiatry are not hobbies. Your friend doesn't need to tell you what her diagnosis is or who her therapist is.

As licensed therapist, your friend's therapist is familiar with the DSM, and doesn't google symptoms as a hobby.

Again, I remember now why I don’t like coming here for advice. I’ve literally said twice now that I’m NOT going to contact her therapist…

Is there a way for me to delete this post? I’ve tried and can’t figure it out. 

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3 hours ago, undertheivy said:

Again, I remember now why I don’t like coming here for advice. I’ve literally said twice now that I’m NOT going to contact her therapist…

Is there a way for me to delete this post? I’ve tried and can’t figure it out. 

Ivy,

 

I’m sorry you feel this way. This is not the outcome I think any of us want when we are offering advice and hopefully; a none-judgemental, open place for you to feel free and honestly express concerns.

 

Please give us feedback - what was useful what was not? We can take this on and do better. Again, I’m sorry you haven’t had a good time here.

 

I actually don’t post asking for advice here for similar reasons I suspect of your own. It’s a real shame. I always think it should feel exceptionally welcoming and open here and unfortunately that’s not always the case.

 

x
 

 

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