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was I wrong to flirt?


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So last night I went to a wedding from one of my closest friends. I wasn't expecting anything to happen really. Alot of people came from my highschool, most who I havent seen in four years. I said hi to them all and felt a bit introverted that night, so I wasn't really catching up until a friend came over. Then she brought in another friend and then we all just sat together and started catching up. It was fun I got to catch up with all of them, but when I first arrived to the venue I couldn't help but notice someone who I grew up with.

I hadn't seen him in years, so we caught up. He was first to say hi and then it sort of just happened from there. We all started drinking (though ofc we are all older than 21). And then the music started playing. Everyone else went to dance and I just started talking to my childhood friend. We talked about what we were doing, our passions, college, and our self love journeys. I felt like I could really relate to what he was telling me and it seemed like we were getting along well for people who havent talked in years. It could have been maybe the influence of alcohol, but I'm not usually confident with people. I don't really talk to guys or greet them really if I know them (due to the fear of them maybe not remembering since I used to be a bit introverted in school). 

But drinking really helped bring out my more extroverted side. I wasn't drunk, mostly just tipsy and it had been a long while since I last drank. I had asked him if he liked dancing and he said he was a bit shy about it and that he thought he wasn't that good. But then he took me out and I found out he was a great dancer. We danced alot. More than he had with his other friends. His other friends mentioned that it was rare of him to be dancing so much with someone cause they usually dont dance with him for long. After that, we just sat down and started talking some more. I asked him if there was anything new and that if he had any girls lined up (which was a playful joke as im a very playful person). He laughed and said no, that he's just been focusing on himself and that he likes being alone. And then he joked back and asked if I had a line of guys trying to date me, and I said no as well. I just explained that I was just working on my career and that I just havent found someone who've ive gelled with. He asked me if I tried finding someone in college and I said that I've tried and that it hasn't worked out.

Then he was just telling me about how he likes writing and showed me all the pieces he's been writing. He particularly showed me one where he wrote about being patient and disciplined about yourself with the things you want to achieve. It was a great piece actually. While he was showing me these, I saw his phone screen and he told me that it was a picture of his grandfather. The things he showed me were very personal and I don't quite understand whyd he showed me. Maybe it was due to our conversation about self love or maybe he's an open book. I don't know its been years. But this really intrigued me to get to know him more.

We played hand games, which he introduced to me because I've never really played before. Its when you put your hands below someone elses and you try to hit (not hard but rather normally) the other persons hands. Throughout the night we just talked and we got along well. After a few drinks, I did start to flirt with him. I said he looked cute after I found out he wasn't with anyone. I also called him gorgeous as well. I didn't ask for his number or for anything because I didn't want to make him uncomfortable or go too far. He gladly accepted my compliments saying things like thank you, i appreciate it, and then complimenting me as well saying I look nice. While talking he also called me a smart girl when I was talking about my plans. 

Then when he left he texted me the videos he took of the wedding where the bride, all of us girls, and his friends were dancing. I playfully said that hes a whole videographer and he said thanks i try. Then I told him that it was nice getting to know him and he said likewise I hope you had fun. Then I told him that he was a great dancer and that he shouldn't understimate himself (because he kept saying he barely knew how to dance). Then he heart reacted my comment and the conversation stopped. 

I feel bad for flirting with him and complimenting him. I know we're both not seeing anyone and we were having fun. But I'm not usually this confident or upfront with men. He just really caught my attention and I sort of just wanted to talk. I want to get to know him more, but I feel like he might not want that since he said he does like being on his own. I havent talked to him since last night and don't want to be too forward or make him uncomfortable.

I guess my concern is was it wrong to flirt with him? Am I reading our interaction too much? I feel like I probably am and should just forget about it really. 

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What's wrong with flirting as you did? He might not want to date you but that doesn't mean it was wrong to flirt, get to know him, etc.  What could possibly be wrong?

When I was exactly your age I flirted a lot with a really cute guy at a weekend college retreat (well then maybe I was 20).  Like a lot. We were both completely sober.   I thought he was interested and for one of the first times in my life I asked a guy out -and not only that I asked him out as in did he want us to be an item . We didnt kiss or touch or anything.  He said he was flattered but no.  The next day I saw him with another girl on our retreat.  She was objectively prettier than me and cooler and more popular.  I was really upset and jealous.  I never ever thought I'd been wrong to flirt with him or ask him out.  Why would I?

Edited by Batya33
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43 minutes ago, littlestrawberry said:

he might not want that since he said he does like being on his own

I think its perfectly perfect to be flirty and fun with someone you like and are both single.  That's great! 

But maybe let him come to you... he likes being on his own. He told you that flat out so you believe it. 

Give it time last night was JUST LAST NIGHT! :‐)

You never know, he may reach out. Let it be for now. 

 

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1 hour ago, littlestrawberry said:

I know we're both not seeing anyone and we were having fun.. I havent talked to him since last night.

Stay in touch via social media and maybe he'll ask you out one day. 

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1 hour ago, littlestrawberry said:

I feel bad for flirting with him and complimenting him.

Why? That is what you are suppose to do if you want someone to notice you in that way. 

Never feel guilty for stuff like that. You were not rude or agressive in flirting and he was responsive. So dont feel guilty about something you did very nicely. The rest is up to other person. Whether they accept or dont accept that flirting, or even do something concrete with it. On you is to try.

As for prospect for more, well, that remains to be seen. He seems a bit passive. 

Also

1 hour ago, littlestrawberry said:

We played hand games, which he introduced to me because I've never really played before. Its when you put your hands below someone elses and you try to hit (not hard but rather normally) the other persons hands.

Red Gloves?

At least that is what its called here.

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I'm so happy that you turned an awkward social experience into a wonderful time. CongrAts! for that, and NO, there's no shame at all in flirting with single people while you enjoy your fabulous self!

Some people are natural flirts and have no shame flirting with everyone, including grandmas, babies, calico cats, the uber driver... Making others feel heard, seen, appreciated and GOOD is a wonderful gift. 

I tend to curb my flirting with partnered people unless I flirt with the couple as a whole.

In other words, flirting needn't be a sexual call, it can also be about enjoying a nice 'click' with another.

EnjOy!

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You are getting yancey because he didn't continue the text. Yes it's possible it was just an evening of having fun, a one time thing. If he is interested in you in a romantic sort of way, he will definitely let you know. Give it til the weekend. If he doesn't contact you then you will have your answer. Just remember if you do get involved with him, he's gonna want a lot of alone time. If giving someone space for days would be upsetting to you them he wasn't the guy for you. 

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Yes, I agree with above.  You now know HIS specifics.

And this was a wedding where many would drink, get tipsy etc.  Was a fancy, fun gathering! 🙂 

So, yeah, just give him space & time.  See IF he reaches out again.  If not much or if he doesn't give you any signals, at least you had a good time and got to see some of your past 😉 

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