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Ending a Conversation on POF and being Ask Personal Questions too soon


mrsmith76
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After being single for a while, I decided to sign up on POF dating site once again, I get a like and message from a woman, I found that she is living in California, and I live in Illinois which would be long distance but I figure I would message her back, we talked for a little, asking question back and forth about different interest like music, movies etc then went on asking what I am looking for in a woman, then I asked back, she had a list of what she is seeking in a man and ask if I could be that man, I had to be honest with her that I couldn't be all that but could only try my best and she replied back that she isn't looking for a perfect match though. I asked how she feels about long distance and said for the right person she would even re-located. What got me is that she asked about my sex drive etc, isn't that a bit too much to ask at first or am I am being weird about it?

I had to some work that I needed to get done and told her I will be off for a bit but she kept messaging me and asking if I am busy, when I came back, I told her again as maybe she didn't see the message, we talked for a bit more then said I was going to a family get together and will message her later, yet again she kept messaging me asking where I was and 3 more messages I haven't checked yet, am I in the wrong? Should I be required to always be on to message back within minutes? I can't always be on the phone and this is something I stress about when it comes to online dating. I don't see this going anywhere because of the distance and feel there is some red flags here.

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1 minute ago, mrsmith76 said:

, I decided to sign up on POF dating site once again, I get a like and message from a woman, I found that she is living in California, and I live in Illinois.

If you are going to use dating apps, get a new fresh profile and recent pics on quality apps. Old resuscitated profiles get less interest. 

Set your criteria appropriately. Anyone who contacts you from a distance is a red flag for a scammer, catfish,etc. Asking personal questions is fishing for info.

Delete this entity and review your matching criteria. If someone can't or won't meet in a timely fashion, block them.

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9 minutes ago, mrsmith76 said:

I found that she is living in California

Red flag lol

Some people you meet would be more opened or more closed depending how are they with new people. But her "clinginess" about messaging and everything is definitely a big red flag. Not a good sign if you want something more there. You havent even met and she requires you to be online 24/7, imagine how she would be after you meet or live together.

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She sounds fake, OP. Move on. This one is a complete dud. 

Yes, her questions were weird and invasive and not how ordinary people talk when genuinely getting to know someone. My guess is she was hoping you’d be horny enough to bite and start sexting with her and developing a cyber relationship/dependency. Once she’s got you hooked out comes the hand asking for money. 

Messaging you constantly appeals to the vulnerable and those needing to feel wanted, people with zero boundaries or self-worth. She picked the wrong guy because you don’t seem too phased or gullible. 

Try dating locally and meet locals within a day or two of matching. I’d block her. 

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Thank you everyone for your feedback and advice on this, I wanted to be sure it isn't me and didn't want to make some mistake if it turn out to be something. She did also ask how I handle myself when anger and having a temper, I felt that was an unusual question but maybe she was abuse in a past relationship. She also added that she wants someone to be a father of her daughter in her list of what she wants in someone, I understand that, not sure she is fake but either way I have tried a long distance relationship in the past and not so sure if I want to go through that again.  Thinking of just saying it isn't going to work with the distance and that I don't feel I would be a good match for her.

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Like the others said.... this  sounds pretty fishy. Limit yourself to local women you can chat up and meet up with in person within a reasonable timeframe (that would asap) nothing is for sure until you meet in person. always remember that. 

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The whole point of using an app is to screen OUT bad matches and set up 'quick meets' over coffee with local people to further screen possible matches.

You're not using it as a screening device, you're being used. You're allowing some flake or catfish bot to rope you in. And that's AFTER learning that she/he/it is not even local enough to meet.

Learn how to block or not respond to people who feel 'weird' to you, and don't even bother with long distance contacts. Just skip them or block them--you don't OWE anyone a response on those apps. It's a tool--set better radius parameters.

Consider doing some reading on how to use online apps to meet people. Don't get suckered into fantasy online love-bomb 'relationships' (read up on these scams) and skip anyone who isn't willing to meet you quickly--in public, and for a short meet to check one another out.

Head high, we all learn by living.

 

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I would block her. She’s definitely something, whether it be a scam or not. The moment someone gets pushy or asking questions you don’t feel comfortable with block and unmatch. You don’t owe her an explanation just block. 

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1 minute ago, limichelle said:

I would block her. She’s definitely something, whether it be a scam or not. The moment someone gets pushy or asking questions you don’t feel comfortable with block and unmatch. You don’t owe her an explanation just block. 

100%

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57 minutes ago, limichelle said:

I would block her. She’s definitely something, whether it be a scam or not. The moment someone gets pushy or asking questions you don’t feel comfortable with block and unmatch. You don’t owe her an explanation just block. 

Yep! You're getting hung up on some kind of etiquette that doesn't exist on dating apps. You might believe that you need to formally 'break up' with a message sender if you don't want to message anymore. NOPE.

Google some recent articles on using apps, and learn more about this so you don't trap yourself in old-world thinking. It makes you vulnerable to scammers, so you'll need to bring yourself up to date.

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5 hours ago, mrsmith76 said:

Thank you everyone for your feedback and advice on this, I wanted to be sure it isn't me and didn't want to make some mistake if it turn out to be something. She did also ask how I handle myself when anger and having a temper, I felt that was an unusual question but maybe she was abuse in a past relationship. She also added that she wants someone to be a father of her daughter in her list of what she wants in someone, I understand that, not sure she is fake but either way I have tried a long distance relationship in the past and not so sure if I want to go through that again.  Thinking of just saying it isn't going to work with the distance and that I don't feel I would be a good match for her.

Agree. Keep it short, tell her you’re not a match and block, delete the contact. Date someone locally. 

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Awkward or inappropriate social skills online will most definitely translate to having them in person.

If it makes you uncomfortable, no reason to question that.   Had she asked you these things in person on a first or second date would you feel differently?  Had she blown up your phone after meeting in real life would that bother you ?   . . .No difference.  Just because someone is hiding behind a screen isn't an excuse for being inappropriate.

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