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Why do guys pull this hot&cold nonsense?


Bvc476
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Why would a guy give me mixed signals, glance, flirt with me, suggest to hang out without making specific plans, be nice one day and mean/avoid or look at me angrily the next, and be hot&cold on text? Sometimes he'd flirt with my friend in front of me too. And say some weird stuff insinuating that I don't love him, why this game/manipulation? Many times I felt like he was just stringing me along. On the other hand it makes no sense to me, to act like this for months. I flirted back and showed some interest, I said yes when he suggested to meet and still hot&cold went on. I thought he'd suggest a date, place and time but that never happened. When he talked to me again I got pissed, ignored him and went no contact, we don't talk anymore. He looked like a nice guy and seemed genuinely interested sometimes but I'm probably a fool here. Why do they come crawling back only when I get fed up for good? And then get all mad because I've had enough and ignored them? It was so emotionally draining that I just couldn't handle it anymore. It still is. The worst part is that I keep blaming myself but at the same time I think I did the right thing because I thought he actually wasn't really that interested. I don't know anymore.

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Hot & cold = he's learnt some "how to be an alpha and conquer a woman" BS, he's playing with you for whatever reason or he's not really that interested in you. Either way, not a good sign.

Men who are truly into you show consistent interest. I learnt it not so long ago.

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1 hour ago, Bvc476 said:

Why would a guy give me mixed signals, glance, flirt with me, suggest to hang out without making specific plans, be nice one day and mean/avoid or look at me angrily the next, and be hot&cold on text? Sometimes he'd flirt with my friend in front of me too. And say some weird stuff insinuating that I don't love him, why this game/manipulation? Many times I felt like he was just stringing me along. On the other hand it makes no sense to me, to act like this for months. I flirted back and showed some interest, I said yes when he suggested to meet and still hot&cold went on. I thought he'd suggest a date, place and time but that never happened. When he talked to me again I got pissed, ignored him and went no contact, we don't talk anymore. He looked like a nice guy and seemed genuinely interested sometimes but I'm probably a fool here. Why do they come crawling back only when I get fed up for good? And then get all mad because I've had enough and ignored them? It was so emotionally draining that I just couldn't handle it anymore. It still is. The worst part is that I keep blaming myself but at the same time I think I did the right thing because I thought he actually wasn't really that interested. I don't know anymore.

He may also be interested in your friend, not you. And using you to make her jealous, gain an ego boost or just simply obnoxious and doesn’t care about how you feel. 

When you see inconsistencies in a person, be a little more observant. You can be friendly but aloof and observe more. You don’t need to believe everything that person says.

Don’t let this drain your energies or dull your shine. Not worth it. You’ll be smarter with time and know how to conserve your energy quickly and who to spend more time on. 

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What you have there is a textbook narcissistic behavior. He doesnt care about you or the other girls feelings. To him you are not a dating material, you are a fan. He would say and do anything to keep you there. Including flirting and manipulation. But will not make a genuine effort to date you. To him you are not a human being. You are a chess piece to be moved across the board. Your feelings there are not going to be considered because, again, he is incapable of that. Good for you for removing yourself out of that. 

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This isn't something "guys do," so to speak. 

It's something that immature guys and gals do. And you need to avoid such guys like the plague. They're just playing ego games for their own benefit, and don't have any actual interest. 

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8 hours ago, Bvc476 said:

 It was so emotionally draining that I just couldn't handle it anymore.

How old is he? Do you work or go to school together? Delete and block people you find annoying.

Unless a guy specifically asks you out, he's not interested. There's no mixed signals there at all.

Have you read the book 📚 "He's Just Not That Into You"?.

It may help you identify timewasters and not bother talking to or flirting with them.

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46 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How old is he? Do you work or go to school together? Delete and block people you find annoying.

Unless a guy specifically asks you out, he's not interested. There's no mixed signals there at all.

Have you read the book 📚 "He's Just Not That Into You"?.

It may help you identify timewasters and not bother talking to or flirting with them.

We're both very young, we met at university. I might look into that book, thanks.

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Some guys like to build a female fan base by flirting with everything that moves. It's fun to him as he catches your eye. It's a power/control thing. But woman/girls do this too. What drives them is the desire to be desired. Those are the kind of people you stay away from.

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Why he does it could be a number a reasons.  He's got some issues and how cares what they are.  What matters here is you need to quickly remove people like this from your life.

Do you want an insight what's going w people like this?  The way they make you feel is a peek at their own discontent.  Never stick around long enough that they can project or dump that onto you.

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