Jump to content

A valid long distance concern? Whatsapp last seen


Recommended Posts

I would strongly advise you not to commit yourself to something this long-distance where you can't meet regularly. 

LDRs are difficult even between established couples. You two have only met a few times, and have always been long-distance. You're trying to build a fortress on a flimsy foundation, and you can see that doesn't really work. 

The highs of seeing her for a few days here and there are not sufficient support for an  international relationship. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 hours ago, Luckysmith12 said:

 We have met on more than one occassion, this is like best sex of life, 

What good is "amazing sex" if it's only every year or so? Maybe it's "amazing" because it's so rare.

It's best to assume you're not exclusive and that she has local BFs.

You as well would be wise to date local available women and if you want a sex rendezvous every several months/years, just date casually.

Depending on messaging apps for a "relationship" is going to have a lot of technical and other glitches.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 hours ago, Luckysmith12 said:

I'm just concerned here that she went out or something and instead chose to hide it from me and was dishonest. 

Well I understand you were worried if she went out with another guy on a date or hookup. Which you actually don't have any proof that she did. But she's allowed to have a life and go out with friends. I don't think she has to tell you every single thing she does, like: "Tonight I'm going out with friends, today I'm seeing my Mum, today I'm going shopping, etc." I'm sure she talks about what she's doing in her life to you but she just tells you when you actually talk to each other. She doesn't need to have a running commentary updating you on every single thing she's doing. If you're going to "keep tabs on her" without any real reason, I think that can quickly cross over into controlling territory.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

20 hours ago, Luckysmith12 said:

Her response today on whatsapp

Her: "morning babe".  -10am

        "how's your day so far?" - 10am

        "I woke up from time to time last night" - 12pm

        "But feeling better now" - 12pm

        "babe u ok?"

I don't really know what to say or feel, my love is contaminated with mistrust. Nothing feels the same when you can't trust another person.

 

Did you respond to her texts? Even if it’s not working she deserves to know that you don’t trust her. Dragging this out for longer prolongs all this. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What good is "amazing sex" if it's only every year or so? Maybe it's "amazing" because it's so rare.

It's best to assume you're not exclusive and that she has local BFs.

You as well would be wise to date local available women and if you want a sex rendezvous every several months/years, just date casually.

Depending on messaging apps for a "relationship" is going to have a lot of technical and other glitches.

"It's best to assume you're not exclusive and that she has local BFs."

Why would I assume that?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 7/29/2022 at 1:05 PM, Luckysmith12 said:

27 and 30..

Because your a grown man, been around the block and sound smart enough to know that. And, you've never visited her in her home location. Is this an attempt to secure/change residency/citizenship?

26 minutes ago, Luckysmith12 said:

Why would I assume that?

Why can't she simply move to the UK rather than this elaborate plan involving the US and Canada? 

Edited by Wiseman2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Besides your ages, you didn't answer any of the questions I previously asked.

Do you know what her dating/relationship history has been to date? You've known of her for 3 years, while she's been 24-27 years of age. You find her to be beautiful and sexy. If that's the case, she's in her prime years of being hit on left and right, so why isn't she dating locally?

Again, I ask, has she asked you for money for anything at all? And when you are uncertain of who she actually is, as in her capability of being faithful, why would you uproot your life, and how are you able to live in Canada? I'm assuming you need a work VISA. Are you leaving a good career? Will you stay in Canada even if things fall apart with your romance?

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Because your a grown man, been around the block and sound smart enough to know that. And, you've never visited her in her home location. Is this an attempt to secure/change residency/citizenship?

Why can't she simply move to the UK rather than this elaborate plan involving the US and Canada? 

It's not an attempt to secure residency per se. I can get a 2 year work visa to Canada as I'm Irish. I also have a very good international finance job. I've always wanted to live/work in a different country even before all this but she no doubt have been some kind of catalyst for this idea. 

She is in the US on a 2 year visa which which began at the start of the year. 

We've discussed the idea of Canada but it would be hard for her to get a work visa, she might only be able to get the travel visa for 6 months (and then try and secure a work visa when in Canada?) but that would introduce a lot of uncertainty. 

There is tremendous feelings here. The experiences and history we have together has been like something out of a film.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There is almost no history in person.  And for a potentially serious romantic relationship wait till you have regular in person time together for the better part of a year before deciding there is potential for long term commitment.  If that cannot happen soon I would move on.  Loving feelings are not enough and typing and talking has little relevance when you've spent so little time in person together.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Andrina said:

Besides your ages, you didn't answer any of the questions I previously asked.

Do you know what her dating/relationship history has been to date? You've known of her for 3 years, while she's been 24-27 years of age. You find her to be beautiful and sexy. If that's the case, she's in her prime years of being hit on left and right, so why isn't she dating locally?

Again, I ask, has she asked you for money for anything at all? And when you are uncertain of who she actually is, as in her capability of being faithful, why would you uproot your life, and how are you able to live in Canada? I'm assuming you need a work VISA. Are you leaving a good career? Will you stay in Canada even if things fall apart with your romance?

 

I think I answered them if you look back. 

She's been in Thailand and had a few relationships in the past. For her, this relationship is the first time she had felt true love. As for the sexual side of the relationship, it is also the best by far for her. It so many ways, it's really right. 

She isn't dating locally because we been really connected since Dec 2021 and I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. For her, she thinks about forever and wants to find someone to have that with. I'm a loyal guys and she feels safe to love me so here we are. 

She has never asked me for money nor ever even asked about my finances. She is from the countryside in Thailand where the warmer, better girls reside. 

Yeah I'm a naturally untrusting person. I wish I could ask her hey what are you doing at the weekend and she would say "nothing much, just gonna be home mostly".. that's like the more correct, attractive answer any girl can give. I remember when we were in LA together in May, we were out at 3am and everywhere was closing she wanted to continue on our night and party until sunrise. Again she's never given me a reason to doubt in person, but hearing that makes me shudder a little just because of how much I read into things and again how red-pilled (messed up?) I am.

The question about uprooting my life makes me significantly anxious. I know I can find someone else, but we've become incredibly close that losing someone like that would be a very bitter pill to swallow. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, Batya33 said:

There is almost no history in person.  And for a potentially serious romantic relationship wait till you have regular in person time together for the better part of a year before deciding there is potential for long term commitment.  If that cannot happen soon I would move on.  Loving feelings are not enough and typing and talking has little relevance when you've spent so little time in person together.  

We will have 10 days in NYC together and then spend time together in the US at xmas time again. 

We know each other quite intimately already. 

"person time together for the better part of a year before deciding there is potential for long term commitment.' - I agree, but when you know you know. The feeling is there and that's the most important thing. 

"If that cannot happen soon I would move on" - we are humans, not robots. I think this advice, no offence, is ridiculous. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 7/29/2022 at 11:37 AM, Luckysmith12 said:

I'm just concerned here that she went out or something and instead chose to hide it from me and was dishonest. 

How can we help you with this? None of us know her.

Are you looking for a way to hide the fact that you don't trust her?

How honest is that?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

You don't trust her in part because you know you don't know her well enough in the way that matters - in person - to have that level of trust for a potentially serious romantic relationship.

Possibly true. 

But again, if she stays at home in her host family's house at the weekend more and we do "date" nights more often I think that trust builds more. 

Even though she goes out with her Thai girl friends during the weekends, it does cause me a touch of anxiety. 

As a guy I don't believe my gf should go to bars/clubs without me, but then again I can't do anything about that really since this is LDR. 

I sometimes get brave and think to make those demands of her, but I know that would not end well. I wouldn't want to lose her, but I wish I could feel at least like I can walk away (because then I can get some of the power I need back to be able to deal with a situation like this).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, Luckysmith12 said:

Possibly true. 

But again, if she stays at home in her host family's house at the weekend more and we do "date" nights more often I think that trust builds more. 

Even though she goes out with her Thai girl friends during the weekends, it does cause me a touch of anxiety. 

As a guy I don't believe my gf should go to bars/clubs without me, but then again I can't do anything about that really since this is LDR. 

I sometimes get brave and think to make those demands of her, but I know that would not end well. I wouldn't want to lose her, but I wish I could feel at least like I can walk away (because then I can get some of the power I need back to be able to deal with a situation like this).

My guess is part of the benefit for you is it is much safer to conduct these interactions behind the safety of a screen and pine away and wallow in your feelings instead of living a daily in person relationship.  If you want someone who won't go to a bar or a club without you you're entitled -it will severely limit your dating pool but thats a downside we all have to accept when we have certain requirements.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, catfeeder said:

How can we help you with this? None of us know her.

Are you looking for a way to hide the fact that you don't trust her?

How honest is that?

She does experience PMS on her period and its possible that she did sleep and woke up during the night.

After we texted and called things were left well. I also saw then that she had turned off read receipts. I asked her about why she did it and she said that she didn't want any problems with me thinking bad things about ignoring messages or checking to see when it was read etc. 

Again we talk through whatsapp so it is unlikely because its not used in the US by guys that she was doing anything suspicious at that time, she could just have been seeing my message and thats it. 

She has said before that she thinks I'm too good for her in her own words. Things like this help me feel more centered, but what she said in our last fight made me lose some trust/respect for her a bit. I didn't share that on here with anyone really. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

My guess is part of the benefit for you is it is much safer to conduct these interactions behind the safety of a screen and pine away and wallow in your feelings instead of living a daily in person relationship.  If you want someone who won't go to a bar or a club without you you're entitled -it will severely limit your dating pool but thats a downside we all have to accept when we have certain requirements.  

Not exactly true, I've had a three year relationship with someone locally. 

The living a daily in person relationship with her in NYC will be amazing. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Luckysmith12 said:

Not exactly true, I've had a three year relationship with someone locally. 

The living a daily in person relationship with her in NYC will be amazing. 

Oh I meant in this relationship, it's safer.  Yes you think it "will be amazing" and yet you don't want her to go to a bar or club without you  - that's going to be somewhat of a tall order, no, in a city like NYC??

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Oh I meant in this relationship, it's safer.  Yes you think it "will be amazing" and yet you don't want her to go to a bar or club without you  - that's going to be somewhat of a tall order, no, in a city like NYC??

She doesn't live in NYC. That's where our trip is to. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, Luckysmith12 said:

Is that sarcasm? How can I in a LDR live daily with said person? 

Absolutely not.  I was in a long distance relationship for a few years but we'd seriously dated for a few years in the past.  We saw each other just about every 11 days and there were longer stretches where we were in the same city.  It worked because we knew each other very well, because we both wanted marriage and we had a plan from the very beginning that I was willing to relocate if we decided to get married.  And we did and I did. 

You date someone regularly by shifting from an LDR to living in the same city. Just like many relationships shift.  People shift from dating to being engaged, from living apart to living together, from being a couple to being a couple with a newborn.  Etc.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Luckysmith12 said:

She does experience PMS on her period and its possible that she did sleep and woke up during the night.

After we texted and called things were left well. I also saw then that she had turned off read receipts. I asked her about why she did it and she said that she didn't want any problems with me thinking bad things about ignoring messages or checking to see when it was read etc. 

Again we talk through whatsapp so it is unlikely because its not used in the US by guys that she was doing anything suspicious at that time, she could just have been seeing my message and thats it. 

She has said before that she thinks I'm too good for her in her own words. Things like this help me feel more centered, but what she said in our last fight made me lose some trust/respect for her a bit. I didn't share that on here with anyone really. 

Well I can understand the worry that comes with a long distance relationship but I think you can't just constantly analyse what she's doing and why. Unless you find proof that she's doing anything dodgy then you'll just have to trust her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's like a film, OP, because you two have not yet experienced the daily doldrums of life together. 

You're riding high on the honeymoon phase, which in your case is rather extended because you've spent so little time together in real life. You don't know what it's like to be around her day in and day out, you don't know how you two will mesh once the initial thrils wear off and you discover each other's true nature and habits. None of that is possible on a significant level when you're conducting a relationship primarily through digital devices. 

So while it's fine to have fun and see where this may lead, you also need to be careful not to lose perspective and get lost in the fantasy. Reading your words, you're already sliding toward that. You're already having difficulty reconciling the fantasy version you have of her in your mind with the reality that she might not be the homebody you want her to be. There's little trust here, and for a good reason - you still don't know her that well. Don't forget that. 

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, Luckysmith12 said:

 we talk through whatsapp so it is unlikely because its not used in the US by guys 

There are 75.1 million WhatsApp users in the US. It's the most popular messaging app in the US. 

It's unclear who tells you these myths. Even so she could be talking to and meeting anyone anywhere.

You certainly seem "red pilled", because a lot of your relationship is fictional such as believing she's wasting her life away "home like a good girl" just to talk to you on WhatsApp and see you here and there every few months.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...