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Morning LikeWater!

 

I have noticed your writings round here - very good, keep it up! It’s lovely to see new usernames!

 

I have had mine going since I think maybe, 2019? Ish? I can’t remember - it’s been awhile! 
 

I came here to get some advice. I noticed the journal section and it totally intrigued me. As someone who has kept a written diary on and off throughout their lives from being a tiny kid, it appealed to me; big time! I just wrote the first thing that came into my head and that’s the mode ever since. Just a splurge; a vent. I guess for me it’s like a kind of therapy. I can say anonymously what I want to say. I almost started mine in the ‘not open to the public’ thread but feel a kind of exercising of demons and a small thrill knowing that someone, somewhere, might be reading my gabble! 
 

What brought you to start a journal?

 

All the best,

 

Lo x

 

 

 

 

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Some stuff is about people in my life if I tell them only brings massive controversy. I already know this so I don’t bother. I don’t have friends yet where I am. My good friends live all over the country and can’t always talk to me. My mom is grieving the loss of her husband so doesn’t always have the emotional fortitude to talk to me about painful things . My step sister is busy with her 8 kids . My brother is a busy financial advisor with his own three kids. 
 

Also sometimes I don’t want people in my life to know my thoughts either but they have to come out somehow before I blow up. 

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Putting thoughts down in print brings them into focus, in comparison to the fleeting thoughts and feelings that swirl around in my mind.   Bringing them into focus often times clarifies things for me, makes the important parts more apparent and from there I can find more direction and purpose. 

Not always and often subtle, but journalling has always been beneficial for me.

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11 hours ago, mylolita said:

Morning LikeWater!

 

I have noticed your writings round here - very good, keep it up! It’s lovely to see new usernames!

 

I have had mine going since I think maybe, 2019? Ish? I can’t remember - it’s been awhile! 
 

I came here to get some advice. I noticed the journal section and it totally intrigued me. As someone who has kept a written diary on and off throughout their lives from being a tiny kid, it appealed to me; big time! I just wrote the first thing that came into my head and that’s the mode ever since. Just a splurge; a vent. I guess for me it’s like a kind of therapy. I can say anonymously what I want to say. I almost started mine in the ‘not open to the public’ thread but feel a kind of exercising of demons and a small thrill knowing that someone, somewhere, might be reading my gabble! 
 

What brought you to start a journal?

 

All the best,

 

Lo x

 

 

 

 

First of all, I truly appreciate the praise and your positive demeanor.  I've always admired positivity in people probably because it's something I lack.  I've actually been here since 2012, started my first journal in 2013 maybe?  I too fell in love with the journal section and the majority of my posts are in that section.  I disappear a lot and then come back depending on if I feel I need the forums or not.  So I'm not exactly a new face by any means but I can totally understand why some would think that when I've disappeared from here for years before.

It was also mainly through journals that I grew close to many members here.  Some still are active but others have moved on from this site.  I wish you could have been here when TiredofVampires was an active poster.  She was probably the wisest and most eloquent poster this website has ever had.  I know there are many OGs here that miss her words of wisdom.

I've been trying to be more active, and I've also read several of your posts in the journal section.  You've got a good head on your shoulders and I can tell you're a good person.  I appreciate your input in some of my longtime friends' journals.

I don't know why but even when I feel like I could use it, I just can't seem to journal my thoughts and problems lately.  I just convince myself it's a waste of time when I know from the past it isn't.  I don't know why I'm like that lately.

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I've journaled for years but on my own ( PC- wordpad and pen to paper).

I find it a good release as it's 'getting it out' in another way.  Sometimes it's the visual aspect maybe.

As they say, worst thing to do is to keep it all inside and I find journaling therapeutic.

I write about anything. When younger, it'd be about my ( now ex).  My issue's w/ him , being an alcy.  I'd write about my kids as they were growing & our adventures. Over the last 10 years with even more challenging issue's, from having arguments with my now 'grown kids', to another ex, I'd write like I am telling them off/venting.  All i'd want to say to them ( in anger etc) I'd say in my journal. So, at time's I could go on for months as I 'worked through my emotions'.

So yeah, I do still do it sometimes, especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed with someone, lol. I do find it all helpful.

 

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9 hours ago, LikeWater said:

First of all, I truly appreciate the praise and your positive demeanor.  I've always admired positivity in people probably because it's something I lack.  I've actually been here since 2012, started my first journal in 2013 maybe?  I too fell in love with the journal section and the majority of my posts are in that section.  I disappear a lot and then come back depending on if I feel I need the forums or not.  So I'm not exactly a new face by any means but I can totally understand why some would think that when I've disappeared from here for years before.

It was also mainly through journals that I grew close to many members here.  Some still are active but others have moved on from this site.  I wish you could have been here when TiredofVampires was an active poster.  She was probably the wisest and most eloquent poster this website has ever had.  I know there are many OGs here that miss her words of wisdom.

I've been trying to be more active, and I've also read several of your posts in the journal section.  You've got a good head on your shoulders and I can tell you're a good person.  I appreciate your input in some of my longtime friends' journals.

I don't know why but even when I feel like I could use it, I just can't seem to journal my thoughts and problems lately.  I just convince myself it's a waste of time when I know from the past it isn't.  I don't know why I'm like that lately.

LikeWater!

 

I’m sorry, I didn’t even realise! Should’ve done my research and clicked on your name! Eeee! 🥲

 

Thank you! Well, that’s fab, I will take that compliment! It’s always surprising to me when people say that because myself included, like you - I often feel on the more pessimistic side. It makes logical sense, when you look at life; to feel negatively about it. But there are also so many knock out moments, or the most best and delicious and wondrous kind that balance the bad things out! 
 

And I just laughed to myself a little when you mentioned TiredOfVampies. Oh my. Hahahaha! She (I presume?!) Used to comment all the time when my journal was quite fresh and argue with me, constantly! She didn’t like my attitude! It was fair enough, but it got annoying because it stopped me writing and the journal flowing because it turned into a battle to defend myself instead of a stream of thoughts. You could even look back if you ever got really bored!

 

Last time we ever spoke, I sent her a private message trying to square things up and explain my position, to then let it all lie, and she never replied and I never saw her on here again.

 

Water - I could write on my journal from 6am and never stop till 2 in the morning if I had my way. I have other big obligations like everyone else, but when I do decide to write something (always on a whim!) I just speed type it out and after 10 minutes I press send and sometimes feel better, other times worse. I go back and edit the big load of typos there always are because I bash it out 🥳
 

Write only when you feel like it, would be my hunch. There is no point feeling like; just because it is there, I should be submitting something. If you take big breaks, you needed those breaks, and didn’t need your journal here for whatever reason was personal to you. 
 

I am sporadic normally. I didn’t post for nearly a year probably only quite recently. I had been pregnant with my second baby and had her. Ironically, there was so much to write and so much I wanted to say but, I had a different outlet at the time, my husband who is my “living journal” - HA! Because I can splurge onto him. Although people have their limits, and he doesn’t want to hear me go on all night. And God, can I go on! 
 

So outlet it is for everyone here who has commented! 
 

Anyone exercise any creative vibes as well? I feel like I can get out some flowery or not so flowery thoughts, and try and project them outta my mind in the most natural and honest way, for myself. I know there have been plenty of times I have felt unauthentic and that hurts. It makes me feel very weak. I think if anything, what you write should make you feel strong, even if it’s the bad stuff - the most awful stuff. You should leave the stool feeling fortified in some way, even if you have shocked yourself.

 

The more I write; the more I realise I know absolutely zip about the world and especially myself. So why would I expect anyone else to just “get me” or my husband to instinctively “know what I want without asking”! 
 

I have briefly looked back at first and early posts before and cringed, so badly embarrassed. I’m sure if I’m still addicted to this journal section in 10 years time further down the line I will be cringing just the same!!!!

 

x

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9 hours ago, LikeWater said:

Oh and to answer your question, Lo, a bad breakup caused me to start my original journal.

Interesting! And isn’t that just about 90% if everyone who ever came by here!

 

The labours of love, right! They can hurt like nothing else!

 

I was in a similar boat. Mine was a half ranty, half question about my boyfriend - now my husband! We have been together now for 15 years, married for 8. Have 3 children under 4.

 

Did you ever find anyone new?

 

x

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Just now, mylolita said:

Interesting! And isn’t that just about 90% if everyone who ever came by here!

 

The labours of love, right! They can hurt like nothing else!

 

I was in a similar boat. Mine was a half ranty, half question about my boyfriend - now my husband! We have been together now for 15 years, married for 8. Have 3 children under 4.

 

Did you ever find anyone new?

 

x

Just realised that I have argued with my husband since the beginning of time 🤪 

 

Often we bicker or argue quite badly sometimes, and I think the world has ended, or we are going too. Maybe I should just see a pattern here and realise I am moody and feisty and often unreasonable and selfish and bratty, and when we titter, it’s my immaturity that never got up, and a huge part of me is still 18 and newly with him and cracking off being a right hot head. Now I thought that would all be sorted and filed away in my 30s. I’m 32 now. No such luck. I’m really disappointed in myself about that by the way; and it’s one thing in my life I would really like to do better on. Massively better!

 

How old are you by the way!? Can I ask? 🤓


It seems from your posts (I thought you were brand new as well!) when you write; your age comes across as 30s too! I don’t know why I think that!! But from what you have told me, I am presuming you will be older than that? Anyway, what I am trying to say is, you have a slightly youthful vibe in your journal. I think it’s all the insightful pondering. People think that is for the elderly, but questions constantly being asked and analysing things is; I think, a youthful passionate phase.

 

x

 

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14 hours ago, mylolita said:

LikeWater!

 

I’m sorry, I didn’t even realise! Should’ve done my research and clicked on your name! Eeee! 🥲

 

Thank you! Well, that’s fab, I will take that compliment! It’s always surprising to me when people say that because myself included, like you - I often feel on the more pessimistic side. It makes logical sense, when you look at life; to feel negatively about it. But there are also so many knock out moments, or the most best and delicious and wondrous kind that balance the bad things out! 
 

And I just laughed to myself a little when you mentioned TiredOfVampies. Oh my. Hahahaha! She (I presume?!) Used to comment all the time when my journal was quite fresh and argue with me, constantly! She didn’t like my attitude! It was fair enough, but it got annoying because it stopped me writing and the journal flowing because it turned into a battle to defend myself instead of a stream of thoughts. You could even look back if you ever got really bored!

 

Last time we ever spoke, I sent her a private message trying to square things up and explain my position, to then let it all lie, and she never replied and I never saw her on here again.

 

Water - I could write on my journal from 6am and never stop till 2 in the morning if I had my way. I have other big obligations like everyone else, but when I do decide to write something (always on a whim!) I just speed type it out and after 10 minutes I press send and sometimes feel better, other times worse. I go back and edit the big load of typos there always are because I bash it out 🥳
 

Write only when you feel like it, would be my hunch. There is no point feeling like; just because it is there, I should be submitting something. If you take big breaks, you needed those breaks, and didn’t need your journal here for whatever reason was personal to you. 
 

I am sporadic normally. I didn’t post for nearly a year probably only quite recently. I had been pregnant with my second baby and had her. Ironically, there was so much to write and so much I wanted to say but, I had a different outlet at the time, my husband who is my “living journal” - HA! Because I can splurge onto him. Although people have their limits, and he doesn’t want to hear me go on all night. And God, can I go on! 
 

So outlet it is for everyone here who has commented! 
 

Anyone exercise any creative vibes as well? I feel like I can get out some flowery or not so flowery thoughts, and try and project them outta my mind in the most natural and honest way, for myself. I know there have been plenty of times I have felt unauthentic and that hurts. It makes me feel very weak. I think if anything, what you write should make you feel strong, even if it’s the bad stuff - the most awful stuff. You should leave the stool feeling fortified in some way, even if you have shocked yourself.

 

The more I write; the more I realise I know absolutely zip about the world and especially myself. So why would I expect anyone else to just “get me” or my husband to instinctively “know what I want without asking”! 
 

I have briefly looked back at first and early posts before and cringed, so badly embarrassed. I’m sure if I’m still addicted to this journal section in 10 years time further down the line I will be cringing just the same!!!!

 

x

Hm, isn't that funny.  I also thought you were newer than you are.  I guess we just didn't have any interaction back then.  Or we both just forgot haha.  Either way, I'm glad you did get to interact with ToV even if it ended up a little bothersome for you.  She was never afraid to say exactly what she thought and there were several times where we disagreed as well.  It never bothered me, I welcomed it.  I'm the type that needs someone to challenge me on my beliefs because I'm stubborn as hell and I also get lost in my own head a lot.  So opposing views... I welcome them.  

I'm the same in that regard with ToV.  I'll say what I want even if I know everyone on the forums will disagree.  Sometimes I start arguments just for fun but also because I like being challenged on my view of things.  It's not like any one of us has all the answers, and understanding can often be an outcome of disagreement, even if it's just a droplet.  ToV was always nice about her disputes though.  She's way kinder and wiser than I am.  And her writing was just beautiful.

I've also looked back at my original journal and cringed quite a bit.  I think that's probably very common, like how you think back to a time you made an ass of yourself or things like that.  My original journal is also very depressing; I was writing it at the lowest point in my life.  But I'm glad I made it public because wonderful people here definitely had a hand in pulling me out of that darkness.  I'll always be grateful to those wonderful souls.

I'm 33, so you were correct in your intuition.  I've had other relationships after the one that brought me here, but I'm not currently in one and plan to keep it that way.  I'm just not relationship material and I get very self-destructive when they end.  I think it's better for everyone if I remain alone.  Kinda always been more of a loner anyway

Thanks for stopping by and talking, Lo.  I appreciate anyone who takes the time to do so.

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Hey LikeWater!

 

I don’t think we had any! Like you, I’m totally sporadic when it comes to my journal and even offering advice. Part of me feels silly on the advice front. I’m 32. What advice do I have to offer! I can only give my best shot at a suggestion!

 

And I‘’m quite chuffed I guessed right! We are both practically the same age then!

 

Also, do you know what happened to TiredOfVampires? She did irritate me when I was starting off and I did feel attacked sometimes by her but, I did welcome the debate all in all. My message to her was a bit of a peace offering but it was never responded too. I was young back then. When I was young, I saw the world as a candy store lined up for me to grab whatever I wanted. Everything came very easy too me and everything had been easy. I got what I wanted in the end and I presumed my dreams would be answered. They were really, I am very very lucky.

 

I got my big house and my fancy car and my husband and marriage and children. There is often trouble in Paradise though! As we can all attest! No one’s life is perfect. Often I feel it is as near to perfect as I can personally aim for. I am so grateful, I really am.

 

But back to Tired! @Seraphim  - do you know what happened to TiredOfVampires? We are hoping she is okay? I know you are the matriarchal mother here of ENA and if anyone knows, it’s gonna be you!

 

All the best LikeWater! I’m sorry I thought you were new! It wasn’t in a bad way! And also, I’m sorry your relationships didn’t go to plan. You never know! Maybe don’t write it off completely, huh? ☺️
 

x

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28 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Hey LikeWater!

 

I don’t think we had any! Like you, I’m totally sporadic when it comes to my journal and even offering advice. Part of me feels silly on the advice front. I’m 32. What advice do I have to offer! I can only give my best shot at a suggestion!

 

And I‘’m quite chuffed I guessed right! We are both practically the same age then!

 

Also, do you know what happened to TiredOfVampires? She did irritate me when I was starting off and I did feel attacked sometimes by her but, I did welcome the debate all in all. My message to her was a bit of a peace offering but it was never responded too. I was young back then. When I was young, I saw the world as a candy store lined up for me to grab whatever I wanted. Everything came very easy too me and everything had been easy. I got what I wanted in the end and I presumed my dreams would be answered. They were really, I am very very lucky.

 

I got my big house and my fancy car and my husband and marriage and children. There is often trouble in Paradise though! As we can all attest! No one’s life is perfect. Often I feel it is as near to perfect as I can personally aim for. I am so grateful, I really am.

 

But back to Tired! @Seraphim  - do you know what happened to TiredOfVampires? We are hoping she is okay? I know you are the matriarchal mother here of ENA and if anyone knows, it’s gonna be you!

 

All the best LikeWater! I’m sorry I thought you were new! It wasn’t in a bad way! And also, I’m sorry your relationships didn’t go to plan. You never know! Maybe don’t write it off completely, huh? ☺️
 

x

I used to private message her a lot . Last I know she was having serious issues with her disability and wasn’t able to post anymore . 

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And also, Lo.  I definitely did harbor my creative side in my first journal.  Mostly through poetry or song lyrics I'd created.  It was surprising to me how many people liked them.  I even posted some in the poetry/pose section of the forum and people were impressed with what I put out there.  It was a strange feeling for me because I viewed them as mediocre, but there's no harsher person upon me than myself.  I was glad some found resonance within my words.

I haven't posted anything of the sort in quite some time.  Not sure if I gave up on that aspect of myself or just haven't been inspired.  Who knows?  But if you keep up with my journal, there's a fairly solid chance I'll delve back into it.

I just lack something at the moment.  Energy?  Drive?  There's something missing and I've yet to identify it.

Sadly, what I'm missing may be happiness or despair.  I'm kinda in the middle right now.

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Great topic, I really admire people who can chomp down on a blank page. 

Funny thing, I was a writer for a living for many years, yet without an assigned subject, I freeze. 

I'm an avid list maker, and this can spur some free thinking exploration. What might start out as a grocery list can change into a To Do list, then that can send me off into a tangent of some sort. 

I like to use the topical forums as a sort-of journal for self examination or self teaching. The questions pose a framework for me to meander through my own opinions, and I've noticed myself becoming less rigid over time.

I like how you mention picking challenges and enjoying those. I think you pursue them in the right spirit. "I believe this at this moment--but I'm open to seeing it differently..." as opposed to "I'm right, and I negate you!"

I've never known an overly confident person to be happy, much less satisfied for very long.

I remember TOV! So happy to hear from someone who remembers those days. I was absent for about a year or two, but I consider everyone here to be a valuable contributor to our collective growth and fluidity.

Welcome back!

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1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

Great topic, I really admire people who can chomp down on a blank page. 

Funny thing, I was a writer for a living for many years, yet without an assigned subject, I freeze. 

I'm an avid list maker, and this can spur some free thinking exploration. What might start out as a grocery list can change into a To Do list, then that can send me off into a tangent of some sort. 

I like to use the topical forums as a sort-of journal for self examination or self teaching. The questions pose a framework for me to meander through my own opinions, and I've noticed myself becoming less rigid over time.

I like how you mention picking challenges and enjoying those. I think you pursue them in the right spirit. "I believe this at this moment--but I'm open to seeing it differently..." as opposed to "I'm right, and I negate you!"

I've never known an overly confident person to be happy, much less satisfied for very long.

I remember TOV! So happy to hear from someone who remembers those days. I was absent for about a year or two, but I consider everyone here to be a valuable contributor to our collective growth and fluidity.

Welcome back!

Even if it's been a while, I still remember you.  I'd put you in the top 10 posters here that I admire!  It makes sense you were a writer because your advice to others has always been so precise and thoughtful.  It was always a pleasure to see what you had to say.  

Don't give me too much credit though.  I do sometimes challenge others in order to learn, but if I'm in a dark mood, I'll argue just to argue.  Some part of both sides of me enjoys going against the grain, and I do so regularly.  It's almost a hobby hehe.

But you're different.  You say what you believe is to be said and move on.  You're probably a lot more mentally mature than I am, but you also don't want to create conflict.

Am I a bad person because I DO want to create conflict?

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15 minutes ago, LikeWater said:

Am I a bad person because I DO want to create conflict?

Hah! Naaah. I loved conflict for a better part of my life.

I certainly don't fear it, I just don't care about it all that much anymore.

If someone wants to natter over a nit, they can keep that. Whatever. If they want to NEGATE, I might hold my ground--or maybe I'll just trust that I've already spoken clearly enough to everyone else.

You are self aware. That's a good thing. It allows you to get to the important stuff.

 

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On 7/30/2022 at 7:17 PM, quark said:

I don't keep one here, but I do keep one online in general.  I have been writing in it on and off for years, maybe almost 15 at this point.

In the moment, it feels good to get it out.  Sometimes I like to reminisce and read back on it.  Sometimes it makes me smile, sometimes it's depressing.

 

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