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Guy ive been dating since May hasn’t asked me to meet HIS parents


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We’re both 18 and have been dating for 3 months. He’s been wanting to meet my dad so I introduced them a few days ago, which went well. However he hasn’t asked me to meet his parents or invited me to his house, even though he’s been to mine. He’s asked me to meet his friends, but that’s it. I know he likes me a lot because he puts in a lot of effort and is very patient with me. I think he’s still a bit unsure about where I stand with him though because I’m not super affectionate with my words. the other day he straight up asked me if I liked him back, and I was hesitant to say yes because That kind of stuff makes me uncomfortable. He also hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend yet even though we’ve been going on about one date per week, and have kissed multiple times. Thoughts?

Edited by Throwaway1204
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3 hours ago, Throwaway1204 said:

I think he’s still a bit unsure about where I stand with him though because I’m not super affectionate with my words. the other day he straight up asked me if I liked him back, and I was hesitant to say yes because That kind of stuff makes me uncomfortable.

This may be a problem... him having to actually ask you if you truly fancy him.

You admit you're not overly affectionate with your words and fact you're 'hesitant' to say yes. ( otherwise you feel you're doing okay at least 'showing' him you like him?

Communication is important but so is showing them.

As for meeting his family, this may be why... but try not to dig too deep on this fact.  He'll do it probably when he feels it's right. ( sometimes, people take a little while to show of their new partners- gve it time).

Meanwhile, maybe just explain to him that you do like him back but you just have a little trouble 'showing it'.

In time you two will come to see IF you're compatible or not.

 

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Oh please. Do you feel like he’s playing you for a fool? You’ve been seeing him and kissing him for three months while introducing him to your father and this man needs you to tell him you like him? Is he thick-skulled or just manipulative? 

I’m sorry you’re feeling hurt and confused. You’ve been dating him awhile. It’s time to decide whether you’d like to continue seeing him or whether your instincts are telling you he’s not the one for you. 


 

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18 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Oh please. Do you feel like he’s playing you for a fool? You’ve been seeing him and kissing him for three months while introducing him to your father and this man needs you to tell him you like him? Is he thick-skulled or just manipulative? 

I’m sorry you’re feeling hurt and confused. You’ve been dating him awhile. It’s time to decide whether you’d like to continue seeing him or whether your instincts are telling you he’s not the one for you. 


 

I don’t think he is manipulative. He has better communication skills than me, and has told me that he couldn’t really believe I had feelings for him. He is super kind, and has done a lot of favors for me. He always reaches out first, always pays and picks me up for nice dates. We’re still in high school so it’s rare to find a guy like this. I just get insecure that he hasn’t invited me over because he thinks there’s something wrong with me.

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1 hour ago, SooSad33 said:

This may be a problem... him having to actually ask you if you truly fancy him.

You admit you're not overly affectionate with your words and fact you're 'hesitant' to say yes. ( otherwise you feel you're doing okay at least 'showing' him you like him?

Communication is important but so is showing them.

As for meeting his family, this may be why... but try not to dig too deep on this fact.  He'll do it probably when he feels it's right. ( sometimes, people take a little while to show of their new partners- gve it time).

Meanwhile, maybe just explain to him that you do like him back but you just have a little trouble 'showing it'.

In time you two will come to see IF you're compatible or not.

 

I asked him to lunch first because I knew he liked me. He has communicated that he couldn’t really believe I liked him, and that’s why he didn’t ask me out first. He is very cautious and careful with me, like he’s scared I’m going to leave. He has also told me I make him nervous.
Not sure what to do from here as I’m just being myself and not trying to intimidate anyone

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It sounds like you’re both insecure. You’ll have to speak with him and clarify what you’re both doing. Have a conversation and be more open with one another if you think he’s genuine. 

Letting this resentment build up erodes trust over time. It makes no sense why he was so eager to meet your dad. What was his reasoning behind that? Did he think that by getting approval from your dad he’d feel less insecure? 

 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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Just now, Rose Mosse said:

It sounds like you’re both insecure. You’ll have to speak with him and clarify what you’re both doing. Have a conversation and be more open with one another if you think he’s genuine. 

Letting this resentment build up eroded trust over time. It makes no sense why he was so eager to meet your dad. What was his reasoning behind that? Did he think that by getting approval from your dad he’d feel less insecure? 

 

Probably. here’s more context to my situation so tell me what you think:

6 minutes ago, Throwaway1204 said:

I asked him to lunch first because I knew he liked me. He has communicated that he couldn’t really believe I liked him, and that’s why he didn’t ask me out first. He is very cautious and careful with me, like he’s scared I’m going to leave. He has also told me I make him nervous.
Not sure what to do from here as I’m just being myself and not trying to intimidate anyone

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22 minutes ago, Throwaway1204 said:

Probably. here’s more context to my situation so tell me what you think:

He did introduce you to his friends. What do you know about his family? It may have nothing to do with you.

Why don’t you get the answers straight from him instead of guessing? Does he even know you want to meet his family? Have you told him it would mean a lot to you? 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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2 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Oh please. Do you feel like he’s playing you for a fool? You’ve been seeing him and kissing him for three months while introducing him to your father and this man needs you to tell him you like him? Is he thick-skulled or just manipulative? 

I’m sorry you’re feeling hurt and confused. You’ve been dating him awhile. It’s time to decide whether you’d like to continue seeing him or whether your instincts are telling you he’s not the one for you. 


 

Why did you immediately jump to such extremes?  It's like you barely scanned the OP.  He has reasons to be doubtful and the original poster even acknowledged as much.  

To the OP, maybe he was enthusiastic about meeting yours because he doesn't have the best relationship with his.  Maybe he goes through some bad stuff at home but like most people in that circumstance, is too ashamed or apprehensive to talk about it.  I'm just speculating but from how I read your post, sounds like he wants to be sure he has your affection, and maybe there's a reason for that.  And it didn't sound like you gave him much to believe in.

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8 minutes ago, LikeWater said:

Why did you immediately jump to such extremes?  It's like you barely scanned the OP.  He has reasons to be doubtful and the original poster even acknowledged as much.  

To the OP, maybe he was enthusiastic about meeting yours because he doesn't have the best relationship with his.  Maybe he goes through some bad stuff at home but like most people in that circumstance, is too ashamed or apprehensive to talk about it.  I'm just speculating but from how I read your post, sounds like he wants to be sure he has your affection, and maybe there's a reason for that.  And it didn't sound like you gave him much to believe in.

It’s funny because he actually is really close to his parents and has a good relationship with them- from what he’s told me. I am not as close to mine- and I’m actually a bit jealous of his family dynamic

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2 hours ago, Throwaway1204 said:

 I just get insecure that he hasn’t invited me over because he thinks there’s something wrong with me.

Do you go to the same school? Do you live in the same neighborhood? Are you from the same type of backgrounds? 

Have you asked him why he hasn't invited you to his house? Do you know where he lives? 

What exactly do you think is "wrong with you" ? 

Is it possible he has problems at home or isn't supposed to be dating? 

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Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Do you go to the same school? Do you live in the same neighborhood? Are you from the same type of backgrounds? 

Have you asked him why he hasn't invited you to his house? Do you know where he lives? 

What exactly do you think is "wrong with you" ? 

Is it possible he has problems at home or isn't supposed to be dating? 

he lives in a condo downtown in my city. he has to share a room with his younger brother- he’s been pushing for his own space from his parents. 

I feel comfortable inviting him over because my parents are gone a lot and I’m fortunate enough to live in a house that most would consider pretty nice. We also have a lot of room for our own space and a backyard where we can hangout.

I know it’s common for my peers to be embarrassed of their house situation and hence not want to have people over. However  I don’t care about how big or nice his house is. I do care about what his parents are like, but he said he has a great relationship with them- definitely better than my relationship with my parents. And I do think he’s allowed to date because he told his parents about me and is still seeing me.

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9 minutes ago, Throwaway1204 said:

he lives in a condo downtown in my city. he has to share a room with his younger brother

Is he from "the other side of the tracks"?

You have no idea if his parents know about you. That's hearsay.

He seems embarrassed by his parents living situation and maybe doesn't want you to see that.

Your parents are not home a lot so it sounds like he would rather hang out there.

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If you’d like to meet his parents or something is bothering you, speak with your partner. You’ll get the answers from him and it may ease your anxiety. 

Speculating is useless and will add to that. It makes no sense that he’d question you about the way you feel when you’ve introduced him to your family. If he’s insecure in general, find out early. You do not want to be with a person who keeps questioning you or your loyalty because of issues they have with themselves. 

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18 hours ago, Throwaway1204 said:

I know he likes me a lot because he puts in a lot of effort and is very patient with me. I think he’s still a bit unsure about where I stand with him though because I’m not super affectionate with my words. the other day he straight up asked me if I liked him back, and I was hesitant to say yes because That kind of stuff makes me uncomfortable.

Why are you so standoffish and uncomfortable? What is it that he's being patient with? You're comfortable with kissing but don't compliment him, tell him how great he is and that you appreciate him? Being attractive might get you asked out on dates, but if you're like someone stuck in a block of ice, and a person has to work hard to chip away that coldness, how long do you think he'll stick around?

If you're just dating and not exclusive, there should be no hurry to meet his parents. Nor should you two become exclusive yet when the comfort level hasn't reached an optimum point yet. 

I'd give it a few more months for something nice to build. And practice makes perfect. The more you do something, like complimenting a person and saying sweet things, the more comfortable you'll be. A person's lifetime is full of uncomfortable moments, like job interviews, embarrassing moments, job duties you're not crazy about, etc. But leaping over those barriers makes you resilient and some of those things brings you to a better place than you were before. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

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It's possible his parents are hoarders or the place is an absolute pigsty and is too embarrassed. Or you two are not of the same race/religion and that can be a sticky situation for some parents. 

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I was yours and his age when I had my first big relationship. Still it was a few months until we both introduced each other to family. Still remember meeting her Granny. She said "My granddaughter is not somebody to be taken lightly". I was young and cheeky so I said "Good, I am not either". Ah, simpler times lol

Anyway, you both are young. With all due respect, dont think both of you have experience to recognize stuff like that. Meaning, when to introduce somebody to parents or even to make it official. You dont introduce somebody to parents unless you are official. He treats you right so he probably wouldnt mind if you ask him to do it. But again you both just "wing it" due to inexperience so he maybe just didnt think of it as important at the moment. Just say to him that you would maybe like it and see what he says. If he tries to weasel out, you would see that he maybe doesnt want it from some reason. 

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1 hour ago, Andrina said:

Why are you so standoffish and uncomfortable? What is it that he's being patient with? You're comfortable with kissing but don't compliment him, tell him how great he is and that you appreciate him? Being attractive might get you asked out on dates, but if you're like someone stuck in a block of ice, and a person has to work hard to chip away that coldness, how long do you think he'll stick around?

If you're just dating and not exclusive, there should be no hurry to meet his parents. Nor should you two become exclusive yet when the comfort level hasn't reached an optimum point yet. 

I'd give it a few more months for something nice to build. And practice makes perfect. The more you do something, like complimenting a person and saying sweet things, the more comfortable you'll be. A person's lifetime is full of uncomfortable moments, like job interviews, embarrassing moments, job duties you're not crazy about, etc. But leaping over those barriers makes you resilient and some of those things brings you to a better place than you were before. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I understand but I feel like I have showed him I like him through actions. He told me that he couldn't believe I liked him, but said I didn't do anything wrong to make him feel this way. And it's the same for him being nervous--he said that I wasn't doing anything in particular to make him nervous.

Not sure what to do about this.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

It's possible his parents are hoarders or the place is an absolute pigsty and is too embarrassed. Or you two are not of the same race/religion and that can be a sticky situation for some parents. 

they aren't hoarders though. and his house is clean, from what he's said. its just small compared to mine but obviously I dont care

Edited by Throwaway1204
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3 hours ago, Throwaway1204 said:

they aren't hoarders though. and his house is clean, from what he's said. its just small compared to mine but obviously I dont care

In my 24 years experience dating I discovered that meeting the family can mean a variety of different things.  To some it's no biggie -one guy had me meet his parents on the second date -they owned -not kidding - a huge store just for weddings.  Everything for weddings.  And I met them at the store lol.  Awkward!  In my family my parents were happy to meet anyone I wanted them to whether we were serious or otherwise -so if they happened to be in my neighborhood on a particular day we might all meet up for a meal - but I found some guys took this as meaning we were serious even if I said it didn't mean that.  

It's not a reciprocal thing because of the various meanings the family ascribes to it.  

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On 7/27/2022 at 8:25 PM, Throwaway1204 said:

the other day he straight up asked me if I liked him back, and I was hesitant to say yes

This could make a person hesitant to introduce a date to one's family given that he can't even be sure if you like him back. Who wants their relationship to fail in front of an audience?

If you do like him, I would consider ways to assure him of this before expecting much more from him.

However, I wouldn't be too concerned about a timeline just yet, given that you've only introduced the guy to your own family just this week, right?

Head high, and enjoy!

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