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I am starting to hate my own family


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Hello everyone. This is my first time posting here. It will be a bit long so thank you in advance for reading. I am a 25 years old IT engineer, living and working in a third world country. My uncle has an IT company that has offices in Dubai and Tokyo and my bully older brother who I rarely got along with since we were children is working there.

Seeing him in that city when I was struggling in college to get accepted into engineering studies made me feel so sad. He studied in a private college and did his internship in my uncle's company and then joined the Tokyo Office. One of my motivations to keep up with my studies is join my uncle's company and work in Tokyo too. I was hoping that maybe the expat experience will change my brother a bit and we might get along in the future as coworkers.

Unfortunately, he got worse due to the stress. In 3 years, he got into arguments with pretty much everyone in his team, including his own manager. Things escalated and he almost got himself fired after an argument with my uncle, the CEO of the company. However things worked out and he remained where he was, thanks to my uncle and father good relationship. During the time he got into all of these problems, he keeps calling me and warning me not to come to this company because the working culture is toxic and the managers are unqualified people. It sounded like a threat more than an advice, because that's the way he talks. The pressure he put on me turned me off and I decided to make my own path and not join this toxic family business.

Now I have been working for one year after graduating. My brother has been in the company for 7 years, got promoted and got a raise. The best thing about my uncle's company is that they afford housing and apartments for the engineers working there. When my brother almost got himself fired, he found a job in Belgium but turned it down because he realized that he will start the apartment hunting struggle when he already has an apartment in freaking Tokyo.

As for me, I still had the desire to work in Tokyo, my dream city, even if it's not my uncle's company. I thought that since I have a brother there, I would have at least a temporary place until I find my own flat. That's the logical thinking I had and I never looked elsewhere except Tokyo. However, thanks to the COVID, Japan had its borders closed for everyone except Japanese people and residents and I could not land any interviews. When I shared this thought with my father, I got disappointed. He adviced me not to because there is a possibility that my uncle would get mad because I chose a different company, yet in the same city... I got furious but did not tell him anything. I am your freaking son and all you have is worries about my uncle ? Sorry I did not bring the part where my father is an ass kisser. He sucks up continuously to my uncle because he gave my brother a job in a city he could never have on his own and because he invited him to come to Dubai for some vacations. My father did not even ask me why I chose Tokyo and no other city, he just straight up got nervous and told me that Japan is not a good first destination and at the same time, he keeps hyping that place up whenever he brings up my brother to his friends or talks about it to me to make me join my uncle's company.

I asked my brother about advice to find a job in Tokyo since he has been there for years and told me to give up and look elsewhere If I don't find any. He told me not to wait for Tokyo and only Tokyo and look for a job in another city. I really get triggered when he calls my parents when he is in the nightclub or on vacations, living the life when he managed to keep me away and got away with it. So basically, as you see, I had no support whatsoever. I found my jobs by myself and I got accepted into engineering studies with my own effort.

A well known company in Munich ( Germany ) contacted me a few months ago. I did good on interviews and got accepted. The recruiter told me that there will be a relocation package and I will get at least a private room. I was happy and accepted the offer. Munich is a great city too. At least that's what I thought. Relocation service turned out to help only with making appointments for registration and getting working pre-approval. For the accommodation, all they can do is book a serviced apartment ( hotel room ), which is a lot expensive and cannot be afforded for a month. I keep hearing all these horror stories about how hard it is to find an apartment in Munich. People spend around 6 months to find a 1 room apartment that is worth 1000 euros per month. I started getting stressed and I did not even go there yet since I am waiting for my VISA appointment ( 3 months and I am still waiting, this is quite common too ).

I somehow started to regret my decision and feel like I was played. My brother and father got me exactly where they wanted to. My brother kept me away from the company just like he wanted to and my father did not want me to be in any other company and if it's Tokyo or the middle east, it must be my uncle's company, and he succeeded. I could have at least tried to join my uncle's company, see what it's like and leave if things do not work out but my father's kiss ass behavior was a big factor why I did not in the end. He did things that even my brother hated. He talks on his behalf to my uncle and says that my brother is in love with his new car and wants to drive it and wash it and some messed up things like that. Whenever we are about to make a tiny decision, he tries to involve my uncle and convince us to take his advice. He gets into fights with my mother who refuses to kiss up to him as well. It's embarrassing, believe me...

Now that I am going through all of this stress, I am starting to hate them. Because I kept quiet for so long, I feel like I am about to explode. They prevented me from the Tokyo opportunity, even if it was unintentionally. I talk to myself like crazy when I am in my room. I don't feel like talking to any of them: not my mother, not my brother, not my father. Even if I wanted to, what am I supposed to say ? I already accepted the job and I am waiting for my VISA. That was my decision. I feel like I am going to get distant from them even more and hold a greater grudge when I finally move in to Munich and go through the horrible apartment hunting there.

I just wanted to get that off my chest. I feel like there is nothing I could have done better. My brother and father being turn offs is something I could not control by any means. If I decided to go against them and go to Tokyo and work with my brother, there is a great possibility that they will ruin the experience for me. I was not aware that the apartment hunting in Munich is THAT bad when I accepted and I thought that the relocation service will help with that matter.

Thank you for reading this and sorry it's a bit long. I wish I could talk more about it so please don't hesitate to put in some comments.

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I think this Munich move could be an amazing adventure if you can go with an open mind. Not having accomodation is very stressful though, I hope you beat the odds and find somewhere quickly

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survivor2021, as someone who moved to foreign countries a few times with no support systems or encouragement, i wish you the very best.  remember that you are your own best cheerleader and only you, right now, have your best interests at heart.  please follow whatever opportunities come your way and make the most of them!  don't listen to others' words, they sound self interested and only have their own agendas in mind.  if your heart and mind are pure-intentioned (not trying to hurt anyone, just help your own self and life) then you will always triumph.  good over evil 🙂

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10 hours ago, survivor2021 said:

This is my first time posting here. I already accepted the job and I am waiting for my VISA. 

Take the job and don't look back. You've been deliberating this for a long time:

 

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On 7/25/2022 at 5:37 PM, survivor2021 said:

I could have at least tried to join my uncle's company, see what it's like and leave if things do not work out but my father's kiss ass behavior was a big factor why I did not in the end.

I'm sorry that you're unhappy. Nobody blocked you from doing this ^^^. It was your decision, and if you try to blame anyone else for it, you will succeed in making yourself miserable.

Have you noticed?

If you want to work at your Uncle's company, apply for a job there.

If you do not want to work at your Uncle's company, do not apply for a job there.

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Good Morning Brother Quotes
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