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He Still Has Pictures of His Ex-Girlfriend


Charpal23
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So I am dating a guy and we’ve been dating for 3, going on 4 months. We are still getting to know each other. I am in my late 20s and he is in his early 30s. One day we were chatting in his car and he showed me some random pictures of his dogs and then in his camera roll was a girl in her bra and provocative videos. He’s told me about his past relationships and that he had 8 girlfriends. I’ve only had one relationship before, but it ended shortly due to long distance. Other than that, I’ve been single and didn’t have time for a relationship due to finishing school. We were having a conversation one day and he brought up that he could tell that I’m inexperienced with being in a relationship and “courting” someone and I asked “how so?”. Then he brought up one of his ex’s and compared her to me. He said that she is younger than me and was more experienced than I was. He couldn’t give me a straight answer but brought up of her being “loving” and sending him pictures from time to time and that meant she was courting him. We get along great, but I need advice whether or not I should end it. We’re not exclusive and I’m not mad (just a little weirded out) that he has those pictures because he claims that he has over 3,000 pictures and forgets to delete them. But I’m not buying that. What I’m mad about is that he compared me to someone else when he doesn’t even know me and thinks he has me all figured out. Is it normal to keep pictures of your ex’s on your phone while dating other people? Should I be concerned if we were to be exclusive? Or should I just move on?

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I'd say he's the inexperienced one, ironically. It's in poor taste, not to mention crude, to be discussing exes especially in that way or comparing you to them. I can understand a photo here and there vacationing but provocative photos and videos are tasteless. 

Trust your instincts please. Unless this is a specific kink or something you're looking for in a partner, it's definitely not acceptable. It's also disrespectful to the women he's previously dated to be showing their photos indiscriminately to new people he's seeing (you). 

Did you send him any provocative photos of yourself or allow him to take videos of you? 

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48 minutes ago, Charpal23 said:

he brought up that he could tell that I’m inexperienced with being in a relationship and “courting” someone and I asked “how so?”. Then he brought up one of his ex’s and compared her to me. He said that she is younger than me and was more experienced than I was.

No. Just no.

You don't openly stack up your current squeeze against a former one like this. He is not very experienced if he thought that was a bright idea. 

Lose this guy. 

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8 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

I'd say he's the inexperienced one, ironically. It's in poor taste, not to mention crude, to be discussing exes especially in that way or comparing you to them. I can understand a photo here and there vacationing but provocative photos and videos are tasteless. 

Trust your instincts please. Unless this is a specific kink or something you're looking for in a partner, it's definitely not acceptable. It's also disrespectful to the women he's previously dated to be showing their photos indiscriminately to new people he's seeing (you). 

Did you send him any provocative photos of yourself or allow him to take videos of you? 

Thank you I totally agree. This is not a kink of mine in any way. I haven’t sent any provocative pictures, only a couple of selfies and pictures we’ve taken together on dates.

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5 hours ago, Charpal23 said:

 We’re not exclusive .

Yes. End it. He's on the rebound and not ready to date. In addition he puts you down and acts like a lascivious creep.

Delete and block him asap from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

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I dunno why he keeps his ex pictures. Could be

a) he didnt got over it

b) he keeps it as a "relief" material(sorry, but some guys do that)

c) he just doesnt deletes pictures

If its not c, its not really flattering to you. You said you were not exclusive so girl in bra could be someone he met in between. Add that he made that comparassion with an ex(pretty dumb of him) and you dont really have a flattering picture here. As you have somebody who maybe didnt got over ex and compares her to you, has probably someone else who sents him half-naked pics and even wants you to be more open(FYI when guys say "more open" that means "more open to sex"). Not really somebody who you should consider for long-term relationship.

Edited by Kwothe28
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8 hours ago, Charpal23 said:

What I’m mad about is that he compared me to someone else when he doesn’t even know me and thinks he has me all figured out. Is it normal to keep pictures of your ex’s on your phone while dating other people? Should I be concerned if we were to be exclusive? Or should I just move on?

Dump this guy. He's basically using a thing called neging which to point out something he deems as a negative, to manipulate you. 

Sending provactive pictures to a guy that saves them and shows them around like trophies is not a good idea. Nor does he sound like a good guy.

You can do way better than this shallow loser.

Edited by Lambert
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I doubt he accidently let you see the provocative pics on his phone under the guise of you showing you his dog.

Telling you that you are inexperienced and comparing you to someone else and saying it was because you didn't "court" him by sending him pictures is manipulative and crass.  

You aren't inexperienced if you caught on to this and the fact it made you uncomfortable is what you should listen to.  An inexperienced person would fall for his game.  You didn't.

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11 hours ago, Charpal23 said:

So I am dating a guy and we’ve been dating for 3, going on 4 months. We are still getting to know each other. I am in my late 20s and he is in his early 30s. One day we were chatting in his car and he showed me some random pictures of his dogs and then in his camera roll was a girl in her bra and provocative videos. He’s told me about his past relationships and that he had 8 girlfriends. I’ve only had one relationship before, but it ended shortly due to long distance. Other than that, I’ve been single and didn’t have time for a relationship due to finishing school. We were having a conversation one day and he brought up that he could tell that I’m inexperienced with being in a relationship and “courting” someone and I asked “how so?”. Then he brought up one of his ex’s and compared her to me. He said that she is younger than me and was more experienced than I was. He couldn’t give me a straight answer but brought up of her being “loving” and sending him pictures from time to time and that meant she was courting him. We get along great, but I need advice whether or not I should end it. We’re not exclusive and I’m not mad (just a little weirded out) that he has those pictures because he claims that he has over 3,000 pictures and forgets to delete them. But I’m not buying that. What I’m mad about is that he compared me to someone else when he doesn’t even know me and thinks he has me all figured out. Is it normal to keep pictures of your ex’s on your phone while dating other people? Should I be concerned if we were to be exclusive? Or should I just move on?

 

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Move on. Move fast. The photos are the least of your problems. Our exes will come up in conversation. They are parts of our lives. But, at the very least, he is showing you zero respect by comparing you unfavorably to another woman. At worst, he is trying to manipulate you so that you will compete with her by trying harder to please him. It is obvious from your post you are a caring person, so pure of heart that this hasn't occurred to you. You deserve someone who values that. You deserve someone who values you.

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This is not about keeping photos of exes.  I'm sure I have some in boxes somewhere and I know I have my prom photos etc from the 80s lol.  This is about the types of photos plus how it came up and all he is saying.  I agree with the others.

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My concern is his huge amt of pics ( is like a collection) ... also yes, that he brings up his ex's in comparison.  Sounds like he's awaiting some from you now.

I would not be too concerned if he just had a few pics from his ex, as it's normal to keep some history with you.

I agree, dump him.  He doesn't value you in the least, nor does it sound like he has a true interest in trying to get to know you

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12 hours ago, Charpal23 said:

Then he brought up one of his ex’s and compared her to me.

This is a "jerk alert".🤡 Add to that not being exclusive after 4 mos. and this is a red alarm jerk alert.☣

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This caused me to recall a moment in my life when I was about 20.   I went on a lunch date with a man who was a few years older than I was. 

When I came home and my mom asked how my date was and I mentioned to her that it made me uncomfortable that he kept telling me dirty inappropriate jokes.   

I was still pretty naive but the same time I sensed something wasn't right.  My mom pointed out that he was likely testing me to see what kind of girl I was.  

Needless to say I didn't go out with him again.

Edited by reinventmyself
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This guy has "ick" written all over him. He was disrespectful of your feelings...is he thick headed? shallow? Jerk? whatever, IMO he's not a decent guy. That would turn me off and I am experienced. 

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