Sex Toys

[John1289]

So my girlfriend wants to introduce sex toys into the bedroom.  I'm all on board with the idea and pleasing her more.  She had previously alluded to this and recently showed me her collection.  Before me she was in a ltr over 7 years.  I told her we can use toys but I'm concerned with the emotional attachment and don't want any connotation to the ex in the bedroom.

I suggested we can get our own.  She told me that most of them were ones that she bought. If she wants to use them with them with me there is a good chance she used them with him or on him. According to her all the ones used on him he kept. Guess he was probably into things going up his butt. She said she would throw away the one he bought her.

Wanted to get other people's thoughts here. Toys are fun. Toys used with an ex seems different. Being with someone for that long I can't imagine he didn't use them on her or they weren't used to tickle him in some way 

Edited July 18 by John1289

[boltnrun]

Well, I mean, he "used" her body as well. She can't replace her body parts.

The idea of an emotional attachment to a sex toy is kind of funny, TBH.

I sincerely doubt she'll be thinking about him while you two are enjoying each other. Is that your fear?

[Wiseman2]

37 minutes ago, John1289 said:

So my girlfriend wants to introduce sex toys into the bedroom. Before me she was in a ltr over 7 years.  According to her all the ones used on him he kept. Guess he was probably into things going up his butt.

How long have you been dating? Get yourselves a fresh batch. 

[indea08]

28 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Well, I mean, he "used" her body as well. She can't replace her body parts.

The idea of an emotional attachment to a sex toy is kind of funny, TBH.

I sincerely doubt she'll be thinking about him while you two are enjoying each other. Is that your fear?

I agree with this.

I find your stance related to her toys to be very odd. They are her personal toys, that she hopefully cleans after use.

[smackie9]

I would be more concerned about hygiene not memories. They say sex toys should be tossed out after 3 to 6 months of regular use. This is what you can do, both go online and shop for new stuff together, or go to a sex shop to touch feel check it out. While you are there aslo pick out lingerie or fantasy costumes for roll playing. Make it fun. 

BTW let go of the retroactive jealousy. I doubt she has "memories" attached to these toys in particular. That would be like making her buy a new mattress because they had sex on it before you. 

Edited July 18 by smackie9

[tattoobunnie]

I'm really interested in the Lovense vibrator.  You get to control the vibrator with your phone.

Edited July 18 by tattoobunnie

[tattoobunnie]

I'm really interested in the Lovense vibrator.  You get to control the vibrator with your phone.

[John1289]

Well no you can't replace her body parts.  You would go through life cellibent if worried about that. Toys are possessions. My girlfriend is not.  Both of us make enough where replacing wouldn't be a financial burden and I would pay for them. It's not like I'm asking for new furniture. 

Her past relationship has come up many times.  There is a lot to it including mental, emotional,  and physical abuse.  He broke up with her but when I came into the picture he verbally destroyed her. This was about 8 months after the fact. We've been together 8 months.

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, John1289 said:

Her past relationship has come up many times.  There is a lot to it including mental, emotional,  and physical abuse.  We've been together 8 months.

She has too many red flags. Being "attached" to a battery-powered hand-held device makes no sense. It's like getting "attached" to a flashlight.

They need to be replaced for hygienic reasons. It's really that simple.

However her abusive ex and quickly moving on to you is much more of a red flag for mental health issues.

Edited July 18 by Wiseman2

[catfeeder]

You feel how you feel. That's perfectly valid, and there is no need to justify it.

I'd make a point of shopping together with GF to pick up or order new ones for the two of you.

This doesn't preclude GF from keeping whatever she wants, but you're within your rights to ask for those not to be used with you or stored with yours.

If she raises an issue about this, then THAT becomes the issue.

Toys are things, they should be meaningless enough to NOT cause another discomfort. If that's not the case, it's a control thing and a problem.

 

[lostandhurt]

Agree 100% with catfeeder.

Be open with her that it might seem silly to her but this is how you feel and hope she understands.

Then offer to go shopping online or at the sex shop together and make it fun.

She can keep her private collection but you would like to make memories with her together.

Have fun

 Lost

[John1289]

Good to know someone sees it my way. Would prefer she gets rid of them but don't feel that is my place to ask since they aren't mine and she is her own person. Just don't want to use them together.  She said that is totally understandable. 

Edited July 19 by John1289

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, John1289 said:

 don't feel that is my place to ask since they aren't mine and she is her own person. Just don't want to use them together.  She said that is totally understandable. 

Excellent solution.