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My bf is going camping with these female girls


Chpp
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3 hours ago, Chpp said:

 I’ve been with him for almkst 2years but he never invites me to his social event.  I’ve never hung out with his friends for 2 years

he’s 29 and i’m 28. it took a time to make him admit that we’re dating.

So many red flags. Most of all tolerating being a secret for 2 years. Then he won't acknowledge your relationship.

Don't be a secret. That's disrespectful. End it. 

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1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

So many red flags. Most of all tolerating being a secret for 2 years. Then he won't acknowledge your relationship.

Don't be a secret. That's disrespectful. End it. 

I'm not sure if he keeps me in secret. I know his friends know about me for sure but it's just we never hung out together because I don't drink. But there's definitely something off. And when I talk about this topic, he brings up about him introducing me to his family. He also took me to a wedding one time with his parents but I just never hung out with his friends. And he thinks weird to do it now because he's not that kind of guy who introduce his girl to people or he feels awkward doing those things. 

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3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

What kind of future can you possibly have with a guy who won't even introduce you to his friends, who don't even seem to know he has an actual girlfriend?

I would wish him well on his camping trip, and in life - and end this. This trip is a symptom of bigger problems. And those problems will prevent you two from ever getting truly serious. He's not invested in a future with you. 

This is what I've been thinking. I thought we'd never be more serious than this bc I'm not in his inner circle. And I know he'd be fine with what we are right now.. So I guess I have to end this..

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6 minutes ago, Chpp said:

but I just never hung out with his friends. And he thinks weird to do it now because he's not that kind of guy who introduce his girl to people or he feels awkward doing those things. 

Classic excuse of people who just dont want to commit to you. People who would, would have no trouble introducing you to their friends. And certanly no trouble of just bringing you along to some camping trip. That is what couples do. Sadly, to him, you are either not relationship material or not there yet. After 2 years together, you better believe its first.

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6 hours ago, Chpp said:

And if I ask why I’m not invited, he’d say it’ll be weird for me to go because I don’t know them and they all know each other. 

Ridiculous.   How are you to get to know them if you dont go to events?  This is BS.  I'd want to know why he's keeping you a secret from his pals.  I also think I'd be looking for a new bf.

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8 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

Ridiculous.   How are you to get to know them if you dont go to events?  This is BS.  I'd want to know why he's keeping you a secret from his pals.  I also think I'd be looking for a new bf.

he doesn't think that's important for me to get to know his friends. He doesn't think his friends are that important in his life and his circle is really small as well. And he shared some his life story with me that he never shared it to anyone before. So I thought this is not a big issue but it really started to bother me as he recently spend time with his friends more than me. Btw, thanks for the insights everyone! I'm from non english speaking country and we have different perspective when it comes to relationship so I thought it's just me being insecure or different culture. But now I'm realizing that I need to think over this relationship again.

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26 minutes ago, Chpp said:

he doesn't think that's important for me to get to know his friends. I'm from non english speaking country and we have different perspective when it comes to relationship so I thought it's just me being insecure or different culture. 

End it. It doesn't matter what he thinks. You are being pushed away and kept a secret and treated like an after thought. The sooner you end it the happier you will be. Don't waste more of your life on a drinking party boy.

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Posted (edited)
10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You are being pushed away and kept a secret and treated like an after thought.

I've felt like that sometimes. He's also thinking about moving to another city next year and he asked me to come but he doesn't think about living with me and that made me think that we're never gonna be that serious. But this camping thing got me decide I should really end this. Thanks for the input.

Edited by Chpp
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I will echo what others have said. The fact that he hasn't introduced you to anyone other than his roommate is a big red flag for me. I also tend to be the jealous type and if my boyfriend went on a camping trip with a bunch of girls especially if they were attractive,  I would feel insecure and jealous. But that's my issue that I have to work on. If your guy wants to cheat on you he'll find a way to cheat on you and a camping trip is not needed. Focus on the fact why you're not invited to various events and why you haven't hung out with his friends. That's a much bigger issue than this one camping trip. This doesn't sound right after 2 years.

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2 hours ago, Chpp said:

he doesn't think that's important for me to get to know his friends. He doesn't think his friends are that important in his life and his circle is really small as well.

This is completely absurd. Please, stop believing this. 

He is not being honest with you. You need to find yourself a decent man who is proud of you and doesn't lie about why he keeps you a secret from all his friends. Don't ever accept this sort of treatment. 

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5 minutes ago, Angel_325 said:

I will echo what others have said. The fact that he hasn't introduced you to anyone other than his roommate is a big red flag for me. I also tend to be the jealous type and if my boyfriend went on a camping trip with a bunch of girls especially if they were attractive,  I would feel insecure and jealous. But that's my issue that I have to work on. If your guy wants to cheat on you he'll find a way to cheat on you and a camping trip is not needed. Focus on the fact why you're not invited to various events and why you haven't hung out with his friends. That's a much bigger issue than this one camping trip. This doesn't sound right after 2 years.

I'm totally on the same page with you and that's why in the beginning I'd let him go if It's just me being insecure. But now the issue here is why he is not inviting me to any event. I've sent him a message saying that he seemed like purposely exclude me from his social life and there should be a reason and I don't feel good about it. I'm waiting for him to reply what he says but I already know that he's gonna make excuses. So then, I'll break things off with him. This is so hard because I do really love him but I know like everyone says, it's better to end sooner than later. so .. ya it's sad.

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25 minutes ago, Chpp said:

I'm totally on the same page with you and that's why in the beginning I'd let him go if It's just me being insecure. But now the issue here is why he is not inviting me to any event. I've sent him a message saying that he seemed like purposely exclude me from his social life and there should be a reason and I don't feel good about it. I'm waiting for him to reply what he says but I already know that he's gonna make excuses. So then, I'll break things off with him. This is so hard because I do really love him but I know like everyone says, it's better to end sooner than later. so .. ya it's sad.

I’m really proud of you for being able to take off your rose colored lenses and see this for what it is….

After TWO YEARS!? Girl, I wouldn’t have lasted 6 months being separate from his life like this. You’re worth far more.

Edited by indea08
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5 minutes ago, indea08 said:

I’m really proud of you for being able to take off your rose colored lenses and see this for what it is….

After TWO YEARS!? Girl, I wouldn’t have lasted 6 months being separate from his life like this. You’re worth far more.

Thank you I don't know what's happening with me right now. I never thought about breaking up with him before and my life right now is a mess already since I got laid off at my work... but somehow I got this compulsive courage to break up with him. It's going to be so hard for me to do it, but thanks for telling me I'm worth far more. I've been thinking it's just me being insecure. I feel so stupid right now.

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10 hours ago, Chpp said:

And if I ask why I’m not invited, he’d say it’ll be weird for me to go because I don’t know them and they all know each other. 

Who cares - if he cared about involving you in his life he’d make sure to facilitate everyone getting to know each other. Will you meet them at your wedding for the first time or would that be too scary for him too?

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2 hours ago, Chpp said:

I've felt like that sometimes. He's also thinking about moving to another city next year and he asked me to come but he doesn't think about living with me and that made me think that we're never gonna be that serious. But this camping thing got me decide I should really end this. Thanks for the input.

You don’t have to share physical space by living  together to be committed and emotionally close. He’s deigning to ask you to come with him ?  Did he ask you to be involved in his decision to relocate ?  I relocated for my husband and we discussed it at every step. 

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17 hours ago, Chpp said:

He’d say it’d be weird for me to go bc they all know each other.

I'm sorry, but that's terribly wrong!!

I would be ending the relationship right there.

You may not know them, but if you're someone important to him, he will WANT you to know his friends, meet them, get to know them.

The fact that he is purposely keeping you away, not including you, is just rude as heck and wrong on so many levels.

You have reason to be upset. This is definitely a reason to end things with him.

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31 minutes ago, Chpp said:

but somehow I got this compulsive courage to break up with him

I think this is simply down to you finally having enough of his BS. 

It's awful to be kept a secret, and you can do far better than this. He isn't the one you were going to ride off into the sunset with. 

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1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

You don’t have to share physical space by living  together to be committed and emotionally close. He’s deigning to ask you to come with him ?  Did he ask you to be involved in his decision to relocate ?  I relocated for my husband and we discussed it at every step. 

He said " I think I wanna go there, I might try next year." and I was like "what about me?" then he asked if I can come with him but then he said he can't picture us living together because we have different lifestyle. 

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1 minute ago, Chpp said:

He said " I think I wanna go there, I might try next year." and I was like "what about me?" then he asked if I can come with him but then he said he can't picture us living together because we have different lifestyle. 

But he didn’t ask you first before he started  looking. Right ?

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Just now, Batya33 said:

But he didn’t ask you first before he started  looking. Right ?

I think he's been thinking about this before he met me but he asked about this in the beginning of the relationship if I'm up for moving to any city. He brought it up from time to time ever since then but it was the first time that he actually said he's gonna do it "next year" and then I started thinking about seriously and the next day, he said he's not sure whether he's going or not. and i got so confused.

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Let me give you some perspective. Within the first two years of my relationship with my husband, we traveled together for months at a time from Ohio to Texas to California to Minnesota, got married, and then settled to live together in our house that we owned. I don’t say this for you to compare apples to oranges, but more to show you that if those are the things you want, there are men out there who want them too.

Edited by indea08
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22 hours ago, Chpp said:

... my bf and his friends met the girls when they went to the beach last year. When my bf and I took a break from each other. 

This is the part that stands out for me.

Who initiated this 'break', for what reason, and were the terms that you'd remain loyal to one another?

Why wouldn't a trustworthy BF introduce you to these friends and invite you along?

It's one thing for a partner to continue occasional solo getaways with historic friends that are also not bringing their partners, but quite another issue to exclude a partner from a getaway with new friends, or friends where another partner is included.

That makes no sense.

This wouldn't sit right with me, either, but the question becomes, are you prepared to consider this omission a dealbreaker and walk away?

I can only speak for myself, and I'd leave him to them.

 

Edited by catfeeder
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On 7/18/2022 at 9:32 AM, Chpp said:

he doesn't think that's important for me to get to know his friends. 

A relationship is more then just being in love. You should be a part of each other's life, sharing friends, activities, enjoying almost everything together, etc. I was in a brief relationship like this...it was 3 weeks of this type of crap. I dumped him. It was the best choice I ever made. You don't need to change your perspective, or bury your feelings just to stay with someone...you are only emotionally torturing yourself. It's only going to get more lonely. Take some time to reassess this relationship while he is gone. I think you can do way better than him. 

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