My bf is going camping with these female girls

[Chpp]

Hi!

so my bf is planning to go to the camping with his roomie and his date and her friend and my bf’s friend. And i feel uncomfortable with him going there. Should I be okay with it?

okay, i might be insecure right now since the girls are influencers and obviously I’ve never met the girls. And my bf and his friends met the girls when they went to the beach last year. When my bf and I took a break from each other. 
 

Seemed like they met from time to time since they live in the same city and I remember my bf talking about his roomie’s date. But I don’t feel comfortable with him going there with them and my bf doesn’t seem to understand. 
 

And even though I said him that I don’t feel comfortable with him going there. He just kept saying he doesn’t understand me and he wants to go bc it’d be fun. 
 

and i’m upset about how he reacts. I wouldn’t do anything that will make him uncomfortable but he’d do whatever whether I feel uncomfortable or not. And i also don’t want to convince him to not go bc that’d be controlling.
 

i’m not sure if I’m overreacting right now. But I can’t explain why i don’t want him to go there. Am I just being insecure right now? If so, i should just let him go even if I don’t feel good about it?

[melancholy123]

Why dont you trust him?  Why aren't you going camping with them?  Do you think they are going to have some big sex orgy?

If you dont have trust in a relationship you have nothing.

[LikeWater]

2 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

Why dont you trust him?  Why aren't you going camping with them?  Do you think they are going to have some big sex orgy?

If you dont have trust in a relationship you have nothing.

Facts.  I'm saying that as someone who got cheated on in my last relationship.  I had several reasons why I stopped trusting her, though.  Has he given you any legitimate reasons not to trust him?

Would you be uncomfortable with your bf having female friends in general?

[melancholy123]

I have male friends and my husband has female friends.  For us it is not an issue.  We trust each other.  He's done nothing for me to not trust him.  Ever.  

[Chpp]

He’d say it’d be weird for me to go bc they all know each other. He never invites me to any party or events since I don’t drink and he knows it’d be hard for me to stay there without drinking. I trust him but since he never invites me to any social event, i don’t know what to expect and he doesn’t interact with me that much while he’s with his friends. So I just truly have to trust him that nothing’s gonna happen whenever he goes out drinking. 

 

i have an abandonment issue so if this is just me overthinking things, i want to make it right and let him go.

Edited July 18 by Chpp

[Chpp]

And I’m okay with him having female friends. I even let my bf and his female friend to stay at my place while I’m not there but she was his college friend, but these girls are there drinking friends who met them on vacay so I don’t know whether I should trust them or not if that makes sense… 

Edited July 18 by Chpp

[LikeWater]

There's nothing worse than being sober around a bunch of drunk people.  He's probably doing you a favor.  I don't wanna come off as dismissive because I do understand your discomfort.  If I had a gf and she was staying the night with a bunch of dudes I wouldn't like it.

But isn't he mainly going because it's a male friend of his, who's already dating one of the girls?  If it was just the girls, do you think he'd still be going?

[Chpp]

You’re right. I don’t think he’d go if there’s only girls. And they are not dating but I know his roommate likes her. So my bf’d be a wing man for him but i don’t like him drinking with these girls and have fun without me.
Am I being weird right now?

and i asked if my bf’s okay with me going camping with other guys and he just said “ya” and that made me feel upset because it sounded like he doesn’t really care. 
 

i don’t know. I really do love him and i don’t want to gaslight him or being toxic. So I’d want to listen to other’s perspective but sometimes it just feels like we have a different level of expectations.

Edited July 18 by Chpp

[1a1a]

Non drinker here, in your shoes I think I would really appreciate being invited. Even if I decided I wanted to spend my time elsewhere, at least it would have been clear to me I could come and him assuming you won’t like it and so not inviting you is an (hopefully) easily correctable thing. Tell him you’d like to be invited if it’s something he wants you to come to. You might decline but you would feel that all important feeling of being included and welcome in his life. 
 

As for your attachment anxiety *solidarity fist bump* I’d recommend reading and watching things by Eckhart Tolle. Especially this 

Your mileage may vary but I found it quite helpful. 

 

[LikeWater]

You're not being weird and you're not gaslighting or being toxic.  It just sounds like you don't trust him, while it sounds like he trusts you.

Why is the influencer thing an issue?  He's more likely to cheat for clout?  

Listen, a cheater is going to cheat and there's no stopping it.  If one of these girls seduces him and he doesn't have the will to resist, that's that.  And it wouldn't matter if it was this situation or 100 others.  

I think he just wants to go camping with his homie.  I could be wrong, but there's not really anything stopping you from going as well if you're that concerned, but you gotta decide whether you trust your man or not.  

Edited July 18 by LikeWater

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Chpp said:

 I don’t feel comfortable with him going there with them and my bf doesn’t seem to understand. 

How long have you been dating? How old is he? Why weren't you invited?

He could cheat wherever he goes so he doesn't need a group camping trip to do that.

Instead of telling him what he can or can't do according to your jealousy, ask him why you weren't invited.

[melancholy123]

You should be going camping with them since you dont trust him. You say you do, but you dont.  You dont have to drink in order to have fun with them.  

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Chpp said:

 i don’t like him drinking  and have fun without me. i asked if my bf’s okay with me going camping with other guys and he just said “ya” and that made me feel upset because it sounded like he doesn’t really care. 

Jealousy is not "caring". In fact you only asked him that to make a passive aggressive point.

Communicate clearly honestly and directly and ask him why you weren't invited.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, melancholy123 said:

You should be going camping with them since you dont trust him. You say you do, but you dont.  You dont have to drink in order to have fun with them.  

I didn’t drink more than a half glass of wine and used to hang around with and go to many parties where there was drinking. Sometimes it was too much for me and even unsafe but in my teens and 20s I went.  So what if they’re influencers. No biggie. Dime a dozen. Do you like that his friends are big drinkers ?

[Chpp]

I def don’t like his friend and him are big drinkers and I’ve been with him for almkst 2years but he never invites me to his social event. And I’ve asked him last time why I’m not invited or he doesn’t introduce me to his friends and he said there’s no point of doing that and that’s not his thing and we’ve been like that so it’s weird for him to do it right now because that has to happen in the beginning of the relationship but now its too late. In the mean time, I introduced him to my friends and we hung out few times. And he said he’s not type of the guy who introduced his girl to his friends. And we ended up arguing because of this. I’ve never hung out with his friends for 2 years and I only saw his friend(roommate) twice and it wasn’t even proper meeting. 

he’s 29 and i’m 28. And he has this commitment issue as well because he got cheated on last time. So it took a time to make him admit that we’re dating. He always avoid those serious talk but I’ve met his family few times. But usually he doesn’t communicate clearly about this relationship in the past and still even though he said we’re dating and his friends know about me. But he never really say out loud I’m his girlfriend unless I ask him. 
 

so perhaps, this made me insecure about the whole thing because he doesn’t really talk about us. 

[Chpp]

And if I ask why I’m not invited, he’d say it’ll be weird for me to go because I don’t know them and they all know each other. 

[Chpp]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? How old is he? Why weren't you invited?

He could cheat wherever he goes so he doesn't need a group camping trip to do that.

Instead of telling him what he can or can't do according to your jealousy, ask him why you weren't invited.

I def don’t like his friend and him are big drinkers and I’ve been with him for almkst 2years but he never invites me to his social event. And I’ve asked him last time why I’m not invited or he doesn’t introduce me to his friends and he said there’s no point of doing that and that’s not his thing and we’ve been like that so it’s weird for him to do it right now because that has to happen in the beginning of the relationship but now its too late. In the mean time, I introduced him to my friends and we hung out few times. And he said he’s not type of the guy who introduced his girl to his friends. And we ended up arguing because of this. I’ve never hung out with his friends for 2 years and I only saw his friend(roommate) twice and it wasn’t even proper meeting. I feel like he doesn’t let me be/ show his inner circle so that’s weird and sound suspicious. I don’t know how he acts when his friends are around.

he’s 29 and i’m 28. And he has this commitment issue as well because he got cheated on last time. So it took a time to make him admit that we’re dating. He always avoid those serious talk but I’ve met his family few times. But usually he doesn’t communicate clearly about this relationship in the past and still even though he said we’re dating and his friends know about me. But he never really say out loud I’m his girlfriend unless I ask him. 
 

so perhaps, this made me insecure about the whole thing because he doesn’t really talk about us. 

Edited July 18 by Chpp

[Chpp]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Jealousy is not "caring". In fact you only asked him that to make a passive aggressive point.

Communicate clearly honestly and directly and ask him why you weren't invited.

I’m not sure how I should communicate and I don’t want to be jealous either. I guess i should just let him go. I think I’m upset because he never plans those things with me but he always goes out on the weekend and have fun with his friends and other girls that met at the bar or whatever. And I said this to him and he just say “you’re right” and he doesn’t say anything after that.

[Chpp]

5 hours ago, LikeWater said:

You're not being weird and you're not gaslighting or being toxic.  It just sounds like you don't trust him, while it sounds like he trusts you.

Why is the influencer thing an issue?  He's more likely to cheat for clout?  

Listen, a cheater is going to cheat and there's no stopping it.  If one of these girls seduces him and he doesn't have the will to resist, that's that.  And it wouldn't matter if it was this situation or 100 others.  

I think he just wants to go camping with his homie.  I could be wrong, but there's not really anything stopping you from going as well if you're that concerned, but you gotta decide whether you trust your man or not.  

You’re right. I know he’s not gonna do anything suspicious but I just don’t like him going there with these random girls. Because I wouldn’t go to a camping with some dudes that i met at the bar last year when I’m in a relationship. And he seems like to do this fun activities with his friends but when we hang out we don’t really do anything or plan things out to do something fun because he feels he doesn’t need to be busy with me and we can just chill. But I want to do those things with him and he knows that. Whenever I ask him to do something, he just goes “maybe” or “it’s a lot of work for me” so we end up just chilling at my place or going for a walk. Especially these days, i feel like he always make plans with his friends and he only meets me when he doesn’t have plans. So it made me upset. I think I don’t want him to go because i want him to spend time with me than those girls. 

[Chpp]

I know i can’t stop him going there so I’d rather let him go since he wants to go but I’m not sure how I should communicate about these things without creating arguments.

Sometimes, i feel like I’m not his priority while he is my priority. Because he seems like he prefers going out with his friends than spending time with me these days. And whenever he goes out, he doesn’t text me at all. So i don’t know what’s happening and whenever I asked about the parties, he just say “ good” and that’s it. So there’s no communication. And it made me frustrated sometimes.

Edited July 18 by Chpp

[MissCanuck]

In 2 years you have never met any of his friends?

OP, this is off. He is keeping you out of his social circle for a reason. This is not just about this one camping trip, given the greater (troubling) context of your relationship. 

Do his friends even know he has a girlfriend? 

[Chpp]

6 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

In 2 years you have never met any of his friends?

OP, this is off. He is keeping you out of his social circle for a reason. This is not just about this one camping trip, given the greater (troubling) context of your relationship. 

Do his friends even know he has a girlfriend? 

I met his roommate and he knows about me and when I ask my bf whether his friends know about me and he said yes. And i know he talks about me with his friends sometimes.
 

but when we bump into his friend one time, he didn’t introduce me as his girlfriend but just said my name. And Of course, i was upset and ended up arguing.

Edited July 18 by Chpp

[MissCanuck]

Just now, Chpp said:

when I ask my bf whether your friends know about me and he said yes.

But you actually don't know if this is true, I am guessing. 

He's been feeding you all kinds of BS excuses the last 2 years as to why he doesn't want you to meet his friends. I personally would not date a man who purposely excluded me from his social life, especially after 24 months together. Something is wrong there, and if I had to guess, it's because he presents himself as single and they don't really know about you. 

You need to worry less about this specific camping trip and more about why you have accepted a relationship that only exists in the shadows of his life. 

[Chpp]

9 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

But you actually don't know if this is true, I am guessing. 

He's been feeding you all kinds of BS excuses the last 2 years as to why he doesn't want you to meet his friends. I personally would not date a man who purposely excluded me from his social life, especially after 24 months together. Something is wrong there, and if I had to guess, it's because he presents himself as single and they don't really know about you. 

You need to worry less about this specific camping trip and more about why you have accepted a relationship that only exists in the shadows of his life. 

That’s what I’m saying. I’m thinking about this whole relationship. 
 

i know that he talks about me to his close friends but not sure if they know me as im his girl friend. He said they know me that we’re dating and he actually tell people that he’s dating as well if anyone asks. But he doesn’t go out of his way to tell people that he’s dating someone.

Edited July 18 by Chpp

[MissCanuck]

What kind of future can you possibly have with a guy who won't even introduce you to his friends, who don't even seem to know he has an actual girlfriend?

I would wish him well on his camping trip, and in life - and end this. This trip is a symptom of bigger problems. And those problems will prevent you two from ever getting truly serious. He's not invested in a future with you.