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I've been dating this guy for two and a half months. We've made it official and had the boyfriend girlfriend talk. I've noticed that he has suddenly stopped talking about wanting me, or anything sexual and he's stopped telling me he wants to see me. He used to say he wanted to see me all of the time. Even if he wasn't being entirely serious, it was a cute way to flirt and show interest.

We saw each other once or twice a week for the most part. There was one week where he hinted at us getting together but never asked. I finally told him I was trying to finalize my weekend plans and asked if we were going to hang out. He told me he had half a plan to see me. I felt disrespected by that but I just told him I would hang out with my friend instead. He was supportive of that decision. I told him later that I felt disrespected by this "half plan".

Then about two weeks ago we went out with my friends and he and I were intimate that night and morning, Thursday and Friday. Then he left for a trip to see his friends a few hours away. He came back Sunday severely hung over as expected... but he really didn't seem to want to see me. I made a quick exit. There was a half hearted hug that I attributed to the hangover. So I gave him space.

He knew I was off Monday and he didn't have work the next two weeks. He didn't try to make plans with me and he didn't buy plane tickets for an upcoming wedding he said he would buy before his trip and send me details. Wednesday came around and I told him I was worried he didn't really want me to go. He said he forgot.

He lives in walking distance from a bunch of bars and he went out Mon and Tue. Told me met some cool people. Wed he got excited to hear that I was at his fave bar and said he was sorry he couldn't make it because he was streaming. Odd because I didn't invite him lol. Four days, and he didn't try to make plans to see me. Then Thursday he got sick. 

Then Monday rolled around and he finally bought the plane tickets and sent me a pic of one ticket without a name on it. He hammered out details with me. 

He's still feeling sick but much better; worried he's contagious. But he has only talked about how he really wants to go out again. He hasn't said he misses me, he hasn't said he wants to see me, no plans, no sweet talk. It's been two weeks. I told him it made me feel like he's losing interest but I wasn't sure if it was my anxiety. He asked if he was doing something wrong. I said no but told him his sudden lack of affection concerned me. 

I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something isn't right and I don't know if I'm overreacting. Am I just traumatized and hypervigilant or is this something I should be concerned about?

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59 minutes ago, feral_racoon_gf said:

I told him later that I felt disrespected by this "half plan".

He came back Sunday severely hung over as expected... He lives in walking distance from a bunch of bars and he went out Mon and Tue. Told me met some cool people.

no plans, no sweet talk. It's been two weeks.

Sorry this is happening. How old is he?

It seems he drinks too much, is unreliable an overly casual which you accurately view as red flags. 

Step back and observe his blasé attitude compared to enthusiasm about drinking, bars and meeting "cool people".

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I think you have a good insticts. You feel that instead of him being more close(as you are in "honeymoon" stage now he should be through the roof) he is pulling away so that seems to be true. Whether its because him not being excited anymore about you, or just wants bachelor life(you mention bars and drinking frequently) it doesnt matter. Him pulling away is a good sign he wants out. I wouldnt count on somebody like that to stick around, sorry.

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40 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Him pulling away is a good sign he wants out. I wouldnt count on somebody like that to stick around, sorry.

I don't doubt that. Him buying a plane ticket and rsvp'ing me to his friends wedding in Aug has me confused though.

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Your self esteem is in the gutter if you stick around a second longer for someone who is clearly showing you you aren't a priority. When a woman is intimate, the hormones released has her wanting to bond with a man, even if he's wrong for her. And an airline ticket without a person's name is impossible:

"The airline is required by the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) to collect Secure Flight passenger data. “This includes the passenger's full name as it appears on the non-expired government-issued photo ID, date of birth, gender, and TSA Redress Number, if available.”

This is a major lie he's undertaken, which speaks of an unhealthy mind. He's capable of elaborate schemes to avoid nagging, and he will either come up with a new excuse when the time gets closer, or will breakup with you, or continue treating you as an afterthought until you do the deed of breaking up with him to save himself from the effort.

Relationships that are good for you progress. Cut this off so you can find a man who is actually worthy of you.

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4 minutes ago, Andrina said:

This is a major lie he's undertaken, which speaks of an unhealthy mind. He's capable of elaborate schemes to avoid nagging, and he will either come up with a new excuse when the time gets closer, or will breakup with you

Agree. He may have also 'forgotten" he had a drunk hook up with one of the "cool people" he frequents bars with. Don't be with someone who drinks this heavily and claims he's "sick" (aka hungover) all the time. 

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28 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why wouldn't he just show you/give you the ticket in person? What do you mean by "hammered out details"? Does he expect you to pay for your airfare or half the hotel stay? Does he have an itinerary?

He's sick and afraid he's contagious. He send a pic of one ticket but it didn't have all of the info on it. I would expect plane tickets to have names. I've never flown before.

He went over when we take off, where we are staying, and when we get back. He said he would pay for my ticket if I covered food.

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3 hours ago, feral_racoon_gf said:

He used to say he wanted to see me all of the time. Even if he wasn't being entirely serious, it was a cute way to flirt and show interest.

We saw each other once or twice a week for the most part. There was one week where he hinted at us getting together but never asked. I finally told him I was trying to finalize my weekend plans and asked if we were going to hang out. He told me he had half a plan to see me. I felt disrespected by that

I get the feeling YOU are not happy with this guy.

You have only been involved a little over 2 mos - why are you wanting to attend some trip with him already?

As for how much you see/hear from him, I feel it's tolerable enough to see your 'boyfriend' a cpl times a week.  As for your communication, is it more-less regular? ( eg a few times a week?  Do you two actually talk or is it all texting? ).

Communication is necessary, yes, so you can make your plans. 

And as mentioned, if he's always drinking, he's an alcy.  They are no good for you 😕 . I have an ex like that....

Think hard on the whole situation.  Is this how you want it?

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It doesn't sound like you are officially boyfriend-girlfriend.  His lack of interest speaks volumes.  Actions or lack thereof speak louder than words.

His "half plan" sounds as if he's flaky, unreliable and irresponsible regarding anything to do with you.  I'm sorry.

He was hungover which was a legitimate excuse .  It makes me wonder how hungover does he get?  Is his drinking affecting his brain negatively which in turn causes him to act abnormally towards a relationship with you?  Alcohol changes the brain and how you think.  Perhaps you are competing with alcohol chemicals in his brain.  Or, he's just the type of guy who is a loser. 

He doesn't have intentions to pay for your airfare and attend the wedding together.  He bought one ticket, not two.  Saying "he forgot" is a convenient excuse to protect himself in an argument.  He's not the type of apologize nor make the conscious decision to have a smooth relationship with you.

He gets his facts confused and his conversations with you don't make sense.  He sounds very irresponsible and immature.  He's not relationship material.

He lacks empathy and doesn't feel for you.  Not telling you that his misses you and not mentioning any plans are yet more red flags.  You need to dump him! 

When he asked you if he was doing something wrong, this was your chance to tell him exactly what he's doing wrong!  Tell him everything you wrote in your post!  Never lose your opportunity to speak up!  It's not too late to have an in depth conversation with him preferably in person with zero distractions. 

In an argument, never make yourself weak by saying you're not sure if it's your anxiety.  If you do, now you've given him excuses to describe you instead of him explaining why he continues not doing the right thing.  Doing the right thing means to use common sense in any and all relationships. 

His lack of affection, consideration for your feelings and indifference are your signals to exit this sham of a relationship.  You should be concerned.

Listen to your gut instincts and intuition because it's there for a reason and always right.  If a person's behavior is abnormal and "off,"  they'll only drag you down with them.  You can't fix ignorance nor stupidity.  They are who they are.  'A leopard cannot change its spots.'  If you were to remain, you'll drive yourself crazy and this relationship will cause you to spin in an endless, vicious, senseless circles.  Many relationships are realistically hopeless. 

Either accept him the way he is or dissolve and exit the relationship so you can be treated with real, sincere love and respect.  Any other way is not an option and will never be good enough.  Set your standards very high if you want to be happy. 

 

 

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29 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

I get the feeling YOU are not happy with this guy.

You have only been involved a little over 2 mos - why are you wanting to attend some trip with him already?

As for how much you see/hear from him, I feel it's tolerable enough to see your 'boyfriend' a cpl times a week.  As for your communication, is it more-less regular? ( eg a few times a week?  Do you two actually talk or is it all texting? ).

Communication is necessary, yes, so you can make your plans. 

And as mentioned, if he's always drinking, he's an alcy.  They are no good for you 😕 . I have an ex like that....

Think hard on the whole situation.  Is this how you want it?

Why wouldn't I attend a trip with a guy I'm interested in? Seems odd.

We were seeing each other at least once a week. I was fine with that. I'm upset that we stopped seeing each other because he stopped trying to make plans. But he's been sick for a week on top of it. So we're going on two weeks without seeing each other...

 

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He sounds like he's quickly losing interest, I am sorry to say. 

Plane tickets do indeed have the passenger's name printed on them. If it was a ticket in your name, you would clearly see that. 

2 hours ago, feral_racoon_gf said:

He went over when we take off

Departure time is also printed on plane tickets. What exactly did you see in this photo? 

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36 minutes ago, Andrina said:

A wall of text about numerous complaints about the guy, and now this backpedaling. Seems odd.

I agreed to this trip before he got distant. Him following through is a good thing...  It feels like I'm being attacked for wanting him to follow through.

That doesn't mean the bigger picture doesn't raise issues in context.

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1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

He sounds like he's quickly losing interest, I am sorry to say. 

Plane tickets do indeed have the passenger's name printed on them. If it was a ticket in your name, you would clearly see that. 

Departure time is also printed on plane tickets. What exactly did you see in this photo? 

Flight number, take off, landing, flight duration and a confirmation number. The rest is cut off. looks like an email he screen shot.

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3 hours ago, feral_racoon_gf said:

Why wouldn't I attend a trip with a guy I'm interested in? Seems odd.

We were seeing each other at least once a week. I was fine with that. I'm upset that we stopped seeing each other because he stopped trying to make plans. But he's been sick for a week on top of it. So we're going on two weeks without seeing each other...

Okay then, a guy you are interested in, who sounds questionable to you at this time?

IMO, seems too much agreeing to go on a trip ( flight somewhere) with someone you've only been involved with for only 8 -10 weeks? 

So, HE stopped trying to make plans- but has been ill. Understandable.

If he starts to feel better, why don't YOU suggest some plans- so is not just him doing that? ( Or is his idea of fun just going out drinking?) 

 

8 hours ago, feral_racoon_gf said:

I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something isn't right and I don't know if I'm overreacting. Am I just traumatized and hypervigilant or is this something I should be concerned about?

Traumatized?  From what?

You are obviously feeling anxious about the whole thing - which I think has been after abt 2 mos dating him? When one should not feel this uneasy. ( they do say follow your 'gut instinct').

How well do you know him?  Did you know him at all before getting involved with him? ( do you know his past at all? - relationships, drinking..etc).

 

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2 hours ago, feral_racoon_gf said:

Flight number, take off, landing, flight duration and a confirmation number. The rest is cut off. looks like an email he screen shot.

I don't get it. If it's your ticket, why hasn't he forwarded it to you? 

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3 hours ago, feral_racoon_gf said:

Update. I called him out and we broke up

You dodged a bullet. I wouldn't have even bothered breaking up with him, I'd have just ghosted with an assumption he wouldn't even notice.

Better days are ahead for you, and with a better person. 

Head high.

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10 hours ago, feral_racoon_gf said:

Update. I called him out and we broke up

Sorry this happened, but it's best to cut your losses early on.

Way too many red flags. What, exactly, did you call him out on? Drinking, lying, standing you up, barhopping? There's just so much to choose from.

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