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I had saw my boyfriend look at other women naked


strebe
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I had broke up with my boyfriend because I found him on twitter looking at other women naked pictures.  I dont know what to do. I am sad i cry alot because it was going to be my anniversery and he is refusing to tell me happy anniversery I am angry and hurt. I dont want a man who cheats on me. I asked him to see me. And its not fair to me I am crying all the time.

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20 hours ago, strebe said:

I had broke up with my boyfriend because I found him on twitter looking at other women naked pictures.  I dont know what to do. I am sad i cry alot because it was going to be my anniversery and he is refusing to tell me happy anniversery I am angry and hurt. I dont want a man who cheats on me. I asked him to see me. And its not fair to me I am crying all the time.

OP, your post is very confusing and not sure exactly what your question is or what advice you're looking for.

* You say you broke up with him and you don't know what to do.  You broke up, so you move on with your life.

* You say it was going to be your anniversary and he is refusing to wish you happy anniversary.  Well, if you broke up with him then it's obvious he won't be saying "happy anniversary".

It would help to have more information/more context if you are looking for constructive advice from members.

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Looking at naked pics of women is not cheating....he's being like most men...they like to look. You cannot expect anyone to not be attracted to other people. It's perfectly normal. If he was communicating with these women, then yes that would be cheating. You are mad because he wasn't on his hands and knees grovelling for forgiveness. It is what it is....he's not the guy for you, and not all relationships work out, and that's the reality with dating. You grieve your loss, and move on with your life. It hurt now but it won't be forever.

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Don't for one minute think that many men don't look at porn, or naked women wherever.  It would have been nice if he had been in a place where you didn't have the opportunity to walk in and see him doing that.  I understand how you feel.  I often wonder if the roles were reversed.  Would men get upset at their respective woman looked at naked men?  I guess it's a personal preference.  But, if I had to guess, i think they would.

If it bothers you that much, then leave him.  However, if you feel like you have a good relationship, then perhaps, with time, you won't feel as hurt as you do now.  But do remember that he will continue to look at naked woman, guaranteed.  It's the nature of the beast.  

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Common, yes.  Normal, no.  Lots of things are common but it doesn't mean they should be accepted simply because "everyone does it."  People have their own definitions of cheating.  That was hers.

I'm of the mind that a lot of women aren't necessarily against the "looking at naked women" thing, but it's more about what they could/should be doing instead that they are now choosing not to in favor of looking at naked women and pounding the pud.

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Strebe,  we men are honestly hard-wired biologically somewhat differently than women IMO.   If you look at the rest of the mammal family, I think pretty much without exception they are not monogamous. With deer, bear, wolves, rabbits, etc., the males are all very much geared to mate as often as possible with as many females as possible.  I believe it's a matter of natural selection. 

Which male deer produces the most offspring to carry on his genes and his traits, including his sexual traits - a buck that is mating as often as possible, or one that is monogamous?   

I think because of that same fact, most human males, like the rest of the mammal family, come from ancient stock that has not been monogamous, generally speaking, probably going back let's say 50,000 years, simply because natural selection favored non-monogamy.

And for the same reason as the deer - men who mated with multiple women simply fathered more children compares to their monogamous counterparts - therefore most men living now, IMO, have a tendency biologically to be attracted to many women due to the sexual traits they inherited from antiquity, and although women are very disapproving and often condemning of this, I believe that it is hard-wired right into our DNA and our sensory systems.   

It's very, very hard for example for most men to see an attractive woman walk by, and to not have it "activate" our sensory systems such that we almost feel almost involunatarily compelled to look at her, even if it might get us a punch in the arm from our girlfriend or wife!

Now because there IS a survival advantage for the children for the father to be there as a provider, human males are less monogamous IMO than some other mammals, but nevertheless in a natural selection sense, the ideal in terms of passing on genes is probably a man who is a good provider (helping ensure his children live) but who also has multiple partners (some affairs that lead to children), where he also provides support (helping ensure those children live).

Again, you can condemn this, say it's terrible,immoral, etc., etc., but again, I believe it actually is the way we men are wired via natural selection, and so 95% of us have to fight against that non-monomagous urge in order to be monogamous.

This is NOT to say that a man doesn't love his main partner deeply, but it does mean he is susceptible to being attracted to, and to have a biological urge to mate with other women too.

My message in saying all this is that you perhaps should try o not see it as such a "betrayal" that you found your boyfriend looking at pictures of naked women.    He's following a natural urge that is hard for him to resist, and it does NOT mean you are not important to you, or that he doesn't love you.

There may be a few men out there who are in a committed relationship and who never ever look at porn, who never look at, or fantasize about other women,  but honestly, I think they are fairly rare cases.

So realistically, though they may want it some other way, I guess most women have to decide, am I going to just try to accept that this guy, who I love and who loves me is kind of a hound-dog who can't help but look at other women, or most likely, end up getting a pet and kind of trying to forget about men.

I think women are little less non-monogamous than men just because women who were too promiscuous perhaps neglected their children, who then didn't survive to pass on their genes, therefore, perhaps women are little more hard-wired for monogamy than men, although of course plenty of women have cheated on their men too.

I certainly have seen plenty of girlfriends oogle the heck out of other attractive men walking by at times, but I've never been particularly offended or threatened by that, because I realized that was just a natural urge they were feeling in the moment, and not a big threat to me or our relationship.

I'd urge you to consider the same type of attitude towards your boyfriend, if in fact it isn't too late, because you've already broken up with him.

 

 

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BTW, no one on this board has a clue as to how strong this guy's feeling for you are.  Maybe he had only a minor interest in you and it's no big deal that you've moved on, or maybe his feelings were quite strong for you and it's kind of sad you've broken up, only you can try to gauge that I guess.

My only point in my previous post was that personally, as a guy, I would suggest trying not to take you seeing him looking at some porn as a huge "betrayal", because that's just the way we guys are hard-wired IMO and not an indication of how he felt about you or your relationship.

On a bigger perspective, I'd point out that our society teaches us that monogamy is very "good" while pologamy is "bad", but is that really true?  Can we really only love one person?  Is it not possible to genuinely love and be drawn to 2 or 3 or more at the same time?    And if not, why not?

Maybe I look at the whole thing differently because when I was 17 I read an amazing science fiction book called "Stranger in a strange land", which was a real eye opener and which dealt with this topic, and that I recommend.

 

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3 hours ago, Stargazer2 said:

.With deer, bear, wolves, rabbits, etc., the males are all very much geared to mate as often as possible with as many females as possible

Aren't these animals naked anyway? Didn't know they had twitter for deer, bears, wolves and rabbits.

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I never get naked photos in my Twitter feed, so your boyfriend is presumably making a choice to follow women who post these photos.  It's also your boyfriend's choice to look at them while you're around, but that doesn't make it right.  If he has to do it at all, then he can make do it when you're not in his company so as not to be so disrespectful and upset you. 

At the same time, you can decide that this is not the sort of behaviour you want from someone who's supposed to be in a relationship with you and you can make the choice to end it.  Just because you're boyfriend is doing something you're uncomfortable with, it doesn't mean you have to put up with it.

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Men are more visual creatures. First there was Playboy, Hustler and Penthouse magazines for men. Then came Playgirl, presumably for women, but the audience was gay men.

If looking is an issue with you, you may need to hold out for a man who matches your values on this.

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Yes, I agree with Catfeeder and Poorlittlefish.   We probably are more visual creatures as Catfeeder said, and IMO probably for the reasons I mentioned in my first post about natural selection.   

However, even if I'm correct in the theories I've posited, as both women said, if you have a problem with it as a woman, you have a problem with it.    No use pretending you don't, if you've considered it, and no matter how accepting you try to be, you just are upset by it - you can't help your feelings about it.

And as Poorlittlefish said, I myself also see a big difference between just looking at some anonymous naked women on a porn site, and following specific "real" women on twitter (which does to me seem more like 'cheating').

And although we men may have a biological urge to fantasize about multiple women because of our genetically driven sexual traits, we don't have to be insulting or hurtful towards a woman in our life by doing that "while you're around" as Poorlittlefish said.   

I agree that that's extremely rude and hurtful and shows a real lack of concern for your feelings, if that was what was going on.

As with all things, not just sexual things, if you truly care about your partner, you try not to do things that you know will upset and hurt them.

 

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14 hours ago, Stargazer2 said:

BTW, no one on this board has a clue as to how strong this guy's feeling for you are.  Maybe he had only a minor interest in you and it's no big deal that you've moved on, or maybe his feelings were quite strong for you and it's kind of sad you've broken up, only you can try to gauge that I guess.

My only point in my previous post was that personally, as a guy, I would suggest trying not to take you seeing him looking at some porn as a huge "betrayal", because that's just the way we guys are hard-wired IMO and not an indication of how he felt about you or your relationship.

On a bigger perspective, I'd point out that our society teaches us that monogamy is very "good" while pologamy is "bad", but is that really true?  Can we really only love one person?  Is it not possible to genuinely love and be drawn to 2 or 3 or more at the same time?    And if not, why not?

Maybe I look at the whole thing differently because when I was 17 I read an amazing science fiction book called "Stranger in a strange land", which was a real eye opener and which dealt with this topic, and that I recommend.

 

I think your point makes a lot of sense.  Multiple wives used to be a phenomenon in the ancient world, but only for men wealthy enough to handle them and the children they'd produce (like a tribe basically).

That was normal in many cultures around the globe, so your theory makes sense.  And yes they were capable of loving all their wives, but sometimes there was a favorite - that's just human nature - and it often would cause problems down the line with envy, hatred, jealousy etc. You can still see that play out in Mormons and Muslims who do it. There's usually a favorite so it isn't really equal and they feel that.

But... managing one wife is difficult enough, so adding more (and their children) seemed to make their end of life issues more difficult (lots of stories of their sons fighting wars for kingdom rights etc... Their wives conspiring against each other etc). Anytime you introduce more people into a marriage, it gets more complicated and just... harder for overall.

For a recent example, look at Elon Musk. He's basically repeating what the wealthy in ancient cultures did, having multiple partners, babies with multiple baby mammas.  I know a lot don't understand it from your point of view, but I get it.  He's the richest person in the world right now, so he's able to, just like in the past.  Even the biblical King David had seven wives... It's just a thing of wealthy men.  But no not many women would want to give up that exclusivity of being one man's everything (it really is more romantic knowing you don't have to share him ❤️).

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