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What are the odds that this guy is interested in me?


Mystic
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I'm starting to think my co-worker might like me. It started off as just staring. He would look my way and stare a ton, but never approach me. Then it went to friendly smiles. Now, he's started approaching me and talking to me.

First encounter was brief. He asked me to borrow something that he should have had his own of. He seemed like he was debating what to say and if he should go for it initially because he kind of hung around and walked back and forth a couple times before he actually came up to me. When he asked, I said yes and handed it to him. He smiled and thanked me and I said you're welcome. When he was done, he brought it over to me and I thanked him for giving it back and he said you're welcome. He made eye contact when asking. The second encounter had a lot more communication. He talked a lot more and even helped me with some stuff that was messed up. He stayed around quite a bit and kept coming back to check in with me to make sure I was still ok. He seemed to want to keep finding reasons to talk and come back. He smiled a lot, made eye contact and even laughed at a joke I threw in. I thanked him for helping me and he said it was no problem.

Most recent, he came up and asked if everything was going ok today. I said at work, yes... but I mentioned an issue outside of work. He immediately wanted details about it and started offering solutions. He even told me he'd talk to some of his guy friends at work and compare opinions with them and get me an answer by the end of the day. He brought a guy friend over to talk about it with me and we all ended up coming up with a plan. When it was just me and him before he brought his friend over, he made a little joke and we laughed together.

So does it sound like he likes me? What are some good ways/reasons for me to talk to him more and test his interest in me? How can I determine if he's attracted to me? If he would follow up with me about the non-work situation, would that be a good sign too?

What are the odds of this going somewhere? Does it sound like he likes me?

Edited by Mystic
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Does it sounds like he does? Yes

Odds of it going somewhere, possibly.

Are you new there?  Been working together a while?

I do suggest you seriously consider NOT getting involved with a co worker, as if/when it ends will make your workplace VERY awkward 😕 .

Since he's been reaching out & showing you some attention, he has broken the ice. And you are reciprocating.  He see's this, so if you really want to go there, I guess you carry on as you are.  He continues to wander your way & you see this.

See if it progresses.  He'll likely ask you out or to do something with him.

 

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Why do you need a reason to talk to him? Go over the break and ask how he is doing. Maybe pay him a compliment and see how he reacts. Maybe he will compliment you. Or even ask for a coffee. Also, you dont know much about the guy. So use that time to find out. For example does he has a hoobbies? Or even a girlfriend? I think he does like you. But you both are not going to get anywhere if you are that passive. 

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6 hours ago, Mystic said:

So does it sound like he likes me? How can I determine if he's attracted to me? 

What are the odds of this going somewhere? Does it sound like he likes me?

 It's ok to have a crush. It's ok to start noticing men again after getting out of a horrible relationship 6 months ago.

He may like you as a coworker but wisely may not want messy workplace romances. He may be seeing someone.

Often crushes lead to misinterpreting benign friendly interaction as "signs" of mutual interest.

If you feel ready to date. Get a new fresh profile and good recent pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting interested available single men for a brief coffee/ drink.

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It certainly sounds as if he likes you.   But maybe is a bit too shy/scared to ask you out, at least yet.   He might be working himself up to that.   I've certainly been that way as a guy in my earlier years.

On the advice about not dating someone you work with, yes, I guess that makes sense.   On the other hand, if you really like each other, and feel like you know each other pretty well by working together, I don't know, maybe that compensates at a bit for the awkwardness of perhaps dating then breaking up but still working together.    And I think I read somewhere that something like 50% of people met their spouse at work, so I guess it's a judgment call and a bit of a roll of the dice.

Personally, if I was really drawn to someone I worked with I probably wouldn't be able to resist going out with them, whether it's smart or not, but that's just me.   And maybe I feel that way because I feel like if we broke up because I'm a good natured person I could make it amiable so it wouldn't be that awkward afterwards at work, although maybe that's being overly optimistic  ;- )

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7 hours ago, Stargazer2 said:

It certainly sounds as if he likes you.   But maybe is a bit too shy/scared to ask you out, at least yet.   He might be working himself up to that.   I've certainly been that way as a guy in my earlier years.

On the advice about not dating someone you work with, yes, I guess that makes sense.   On the other hand, if you really like each other, and feel like you know each other pretty well by working together, I don't know, maybe that compensates at a bit for the awkwardness of perhaps dating then breaking up but still working together.    And I think I read somewhere that something like 50% of people met their spouse at work, so I guess it's a judgment call and a bit of a roll of the dice.

Personally, if I was really drawn to someone I worked with I probably wouldn't be able to resist going out with them, whether it's smart or not, but that's just me.   And maybe I feel that way because I feel like if we broke up because I'm a good natured person I could make it amiable so it wouldn't be that awkward afterwards at work, although maybe that's being overly optimistic  ;- )

 

Thanks for the input. I understand some people are super touchy about dating a co-worker. Same with having your spouse/partner start working with you. But, it does work out sometimes. In the event of a separation, it depends on what happens and how you both handle it. If you're both mature, you can indeed make that work too. 

I am going to test things out better tomorrow. If he doesn't initiate, I'm going to. I want to initiate anyhow since I do want him to know he absolutely has the "green light" and that I am interested too. I want it to be more like ping pong where we're going back and forth, not where just one of us is always making the moves.

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Your approach makes sense to me Mystic.   Yes, show interest and see if he responds mutually, as you said, like ping pong.   My guess is he's a bit shy, I was myself when I was young.

How old are he and you roughly?    I was very, very shy until I was about 30 sadly!   I missed quite a few great opportunities because of that, where some girls I knew were very, very open about being interested in me, but I lacked the confidence to ask them out.   Once I gained my confidence in my early 30's then I became quite outgoing and unafraid of asking for dates, and even if I got turned down I just said "oh well", but in my 20's I was hopeless.   

In my teens and 20's, if was as if asking a girl out and her saying 'no', or not doing well on our first date would have been a big crushing blow to my self-esteem that would have taken months to recover from, so I shied away from it.

Hopefully your co-worker isn't THAT shy!   ;- )     Good luck, I think you're on the right track.

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5 hours ago, Stargazer2 said:

"Your approach makes sense to me Mystic.   Yes, show interest and see if he responds mutually, as you said, like ping pong.   My guess is he's a bit shy, I was myself when I was young."

I am 30 and I am pretty certain he is in his 30s as well. I definitely am interested in seeing where this goes, so I will stick with my plan tomorrow. I will initiate if he doesn't come up to me first. I will update! Thanks for all your input!

 

5 hours ago, Stargazer2 said:

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

As an update, we've talked more. Last week, he helped me out with something again. He also went OFF on someone for mistakenly blaming me for something I didn't do. He told them it wasn't my fault, told them who actually did it and told them to take it up with the correct person and to leave ME alone. He told me it really made him mad to hear them acting as though it was my fault when clearly it wasn't in any shape or form. He talked quite a bit that day and made sure to maintain eye contact. He also laughed and smiled a lot with me.

Then today, here we go again. I was getting ready to call to him because I seen him coming, but he beat me to the punch and called to me first. He sarcastically asked if I was having "fun" today with my work and I sarcastically replied with "oh you KNOW I am". He laughed and said "I can tell". Then I told him an awful/embarrassing incident that happened over the weekend to me. Right away, he wanted to know the details. I told him and played it off cool. Instead of saying how embarrassed I was initially with what happened, I made a joke about it. He seemed to like my reaction to it. He laughed and repeated what I said. He then shared a somewhat relatable story of his own. We laughed and smiled a lot together and he made eye contact.

I still want a chance to initiate if he ever lets me lol He is always beating me to it. I want to try harder tomorrow to be the one to initiate. If I have to, I'll just quickly say his name to get his attention when I see him, then make my move. I plan to keep making him laugh. I plan to share a funny joke I heard and see what happens.

So far, I'd say this a pretty positive update. He does seem interested I think.

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It seems like friendly work banter. How long have you worked there? How long has he worked there? 

It seems like he's being professional and avoiding messy workplace romances. You need to do the same.

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5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems like friendly work banter. How long have you worked there? How long has he worked there? 

It seems like he's being professional and avoiding messy workplace romances. You need to do the same.

It sounds like you are against workplace romance, which is fine. Many others take a chance and have success. Sometimes it fails, sometimes it doesn't. That's how ALL romances are, regardless of how you meet.

I am more than ok with giving it a chance if he wants to too. He's worked here longer than me, but I'm not new here. All the stuff he does is not asked for. He does it on his own. I never ask him for his help. He does it on his own. Same with talking. He initiates with me when there is no reason to.

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There is not much to comment on, OP. Continue a cordial relationship while at work but I would caution divulging too many personal details to colleagues in general. Remember that he is not your boyfriend and he’s quite nosy. Don’t get ahead of yourself. 
 

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5 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

There is not much to comment on, OP. Continue a cordial relationship while at work but I would caution divulging too many personal details to colleagues in general. Remember that he is not your boyfriend and he’s quite nosy. Don’t get ahead of yourself. 
 

How is he nosy exactly?

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On 7/13/2022 at 8:18 PM, Mystic said:

I'm starting to think my co-worker might like me. It started off as just staring. He would look my way and stare a ton, but never approach me. Then it went to friendly smiles. Now, he's started approaching me and talking to me.

First encounter was brief. He asked me to borrow something that he should have had his own of. He seemed like he was debating what to say and if he should go for it initially because he kind of hung around and walked back and forth a couple times before he actually came up to me. When he asked, I said yes and handed it to him. He smiled and thanked me and I said you're welcome. When he was done, he brought it over to me and I thanked him for giving it back and he said you're welcome. He made eye contact when asking. The second encounter had a lot more communication. He talked a lot more and even helped me with some stuff that was messed up. He stayed around quite a bit and kept coming back to check in with me to make sure I was still ok. He seemed to want to keep finding reasons to talk and come back. He smiled a lot, made eye contact and even laughed at a joke I threw in. I thanked him for helping me and he said it was no problem.

Most recent, he came up and asked if everything was going ok today. I said at work, yes... but I mentioned an issue outside of work. He immediately wanted details about it and started offering solutions. He even told me he'd talk to some of his guy friends at work and compare opinions with them and get me an answer by the end of the day. He brought a guy friend over to talk about it with me and we all ended up coming up with a plan. When it was just me and him before he brought his friend over, he made a little joke and we laughed together.

So does it sound like he likes me? What are some good ways/reasons for me to talk to him more and test his interest in me? How can I determine if he's attracted to me? If he would follow up with me about the non-work situation, would that be a good sign too?

What are the odds of this going somewhere? Does it sound like he likes me?

Let's see. He asks you about your day, your life: in and out of work. You tell him your problems. He tries to solve them. He even goes to the extent of asking his friends to help? What do you need, Honey? A white horse and a glass slipper?

I'm guessing he's too shy to ask you out and vice versa. I've never asked a man out either. What I have done and suggest you do is invent a reason to ask him over, something that needs fixing and offer to cook him dinner in return. Make him feel like a hero, get him to your house, he sees you in something other than work clothes and nature will take its course.

 

 

 

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Mystic,

 

This is making me feel all warm and giddy and excited for you just reading it!
 

I think it’s pretty safe to say, the boy is into you! And anyway; if he isn’t, what do you have to lose? 
 

I would just say, me and some friends are going to do such and such at the weekend - wanna come? Then get him by himself towards the end. Maybe you two could trail off and hit a bar or for a coffee, leave your friends too it. That way, you save face. If he just was being friendly, then you’ll soon find out, and technically you never asked him in a romantic one on one date. But if he’s flirting with you or you are feeling the vibes once you get him outside the office - you will know! And be able to carry your time out with him in private away from friends.

 

Just a quick suggestion, if you are worried about maybe, embarrassing cross wires or something like that. Although he really does seem like he’s very fond of you. Could be something major. Could be a flash in the pan. Could work out just being friends.You never know unless you try!

 

x

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On 7/17/2022 at 9:21 AM, Mystic said:

 

Thanks for the input. I understand some people are super touchy about dating a co-worker. Same with having your spouse/partner start working with you. But, it does work out sometimes. In the event of a separation, it depends on what happens and how you both handle it. If you're both mature, you can indeed make that work too. 

I am going to test things out better tomorrow. If he doesn't initiate, I'm going to. I want to initiate anyhow since I do want him to know he absolutely has the "green light" and that I am interested too. I want it to be more like ping pong where we're going back and forth, not where just one of us is always making the moves.

Are you both single? I originally met my husband at work but we didn't work together ever - worked on different floors in different departments. I'd be cautious and unless you two start dating seriously and you trust him I'd avoid talking about personal issues at work and especially crowd sourcing them. It might seem innocent and fun now but if you find yourself in a work/personal conflict or you need others to vouch for your professionalism your sharing might come back to haunt you.  

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18 hours ago, Mystic said:

 if he wants to too. He's worked here longer than me, but I'm not new here. Same with talking. He initiates with me when there is no reason to.

People meet at work all the time. But the fact is he's not asking you out for a drink or coffee or anything.

Never invite a man to your house to cook him dinner. Especially, don't try to lure him there pretending you need a handyman. Be more dignified than that.

Even if he were interested, the place to start is a brief coffee, drink or lunch. Suggest going to lunch or coffee break together or if you are feeling bold, suggest getting a drink after work.

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13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

People meet at work all the time. But the fact is he's not asking you out for a drink or coffee or anything.

Never invite a man to your house to cook him dinner. Especially, don't try to lure him there pretending you need a handyman. Be more dignified than that.

Even if he were interested, the place to start is a brief coffee, drink or lunch. Suggest going to lunch or coffee break together or if you are feeling bold, suggest getting a drink after work.

No worries. I appreciate that advice, but no... I would not pretend to need a handyman just to lure him to my home. I'd rather meet up somewhere casual, have fun together and talk then see how we both felt. I honestly feel like he is a little shy. Just by the way he acts and what he said today. It just feels like he WANTS to say more and stuff, but he is nervous to.

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20 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Are you both single? I originally met my husband at work but we didn't work together ever - worked on different floors in different departments. I'd be cautious and unless you two start dating seriously and you trust him I'd avoid talking about personal issues at work and especially crowd sourcing them. It might seem innocent and fun now but if you find yourself in a work/personal conflict or you need others to vouch for your professionalism your sharing might come back to haunt you.  

I am and I'm pretty sure he is as well. The issue outside of work was nothing major. It was harmless, hence why I was ok sharing it. I didn't expect him to involve a friend, but I didn't mind it.

Speaking of this, that friend of his actually came to me today and asked me if I had ever gotten that took care of. I said yes and he was happy to hear the solution we all came up with was a success. 

I initiated conversation with the guy I suspect likes me as well. I am starting to sense that he very well may be interested, but is very shy about it.

To initiate, I just asked how his day was going and noted I was asking because he seemed a bit unhappy (which was true - he seemed "off"). At first, he started to just say he was ok and walk on (this was in passing). But then he apparently changed his mind. He turned around and came back to me and admitted that he was irritated with something not work-related then took the time to explain the situation to me. I offered my understanding and also laughed when appropriate.

After that part ended he walked away, but hung around still. As I was getting ready to leave, he came back again and asked how my day was going. I said it had been ok and noted a few work issues I encountered. He said he had seen me doing something earlier and wondered what I was doing but didn't want to just walk up like that. I threw in some light humor and we both laughed. I had not known he was around when he said he saw me. I was a little embarrassed he had actually been watching me (I'm kind of short and was trying really hard to get something but I couldn't long story short).

He made eye contact with me and when we talked, he stood fairly close to me, 100% facing me (his body was entirely facing mine). He laughed and smiled as usual as well. He seemed to want to keep finding reasons to talk.

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20 hours ago, mylolita said:

Mystic,

 

This is making me feel all warm and giddy and excited for you just reading it!
 

I think it’s pretty safe to say, the boy is into you! And anyway; if he isn’t, what do you have to lose? 
 

I would just say, me and some friends are going to do such and such at the weekend - wanna come? Then get him by himself towards the end. Maybe you two could trail off and hit a bar or for a coffee, leave your friends too it. That way, you save face. If he just was being friendly, then you’ll soon find out, and technically you never asked him in a romantic one on one date. But if he’s flirting with you or you are feeling the vibes once you get him outside the office - you will know! And be able to carry your time out with him in private away from friends.

 

Just a quick suggestion, if you are worried about maybe, embarrassing cross wires or something like that. Although he really does seem like he’s very fond of you. Could be something major. Could be a flash in the pan. Could work out just being friends.You never know unless you try!

 

x

Thank you for this! I feel that he is probably indeed interested but very shy. I think since he was doing all the initial conversation starting, he may have felt like he might be bothering me or I may only be interacting because he's "making me". Not true at all! I love talking to him as he is very pleasant.

To help this situation and hopefully show him that I am not bothered by him, I did the initiating today. I just asked how his day was going and noted I was asking because he seemed a bit unhappy (which was true - he seemed "off"). At first, he started to just say he was ok and walk on (this was in passing). But then he changed his mind. He turned around and came back to me and admitted that he was irritated with something not work-related then took the time to explain the situation to me. I offered my understanding and also laughed when appropriate.

After that part ended he walked away, but hung around still. As I was getting ready to leave, he came back again and asked how my day was going. I said it had been ok and noted a few work issues I encountered. He said he had seen me doing something earlier and wondered what I was doing but didn't want to just walk up like that. I threw in some light humor and we both laughed. I had not known he was around when he said he saw me. I was a little embarrassed he had actually been watching me (I'm kind of short and was trying really hard to get something but I couldn't long story short).

He made eye contact with me and when we talked, he stood fairly close to me, 100% facing me (his body was entirely facing mine). He seemed to be trying hard to find ways to keep talking.

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22 hours ago, Jamie425 said:

Let's see. He asks you about your day, your life: in and out of work. You tell him your problems. He tries to solve them. He even goes to the extent of asking his friends to help? What do you need, Honey? A white horse and a glass slipper?

I'm guessing he's too shy to ask you out and vice versa. I've never asked a man out either. What I have done and suggest you do is invent a reason to ask him over, something that needs fixing and offer to cook him dinner in return. Make him feel like a hero, get him to your house, he sees you in something other than work clothes and nature will take its course.

 

 

 

I've always been the one getting asked out. I wouldn't mind asking a man out, but I'd have to know he wanted me to lol

I do gather that he's shy, especially after today. You can read my update on a couple other people's comments for the details, or if you prefer, I can reply it to you too.

Hopefully I helped the situation by doing what I did today and helped him maybe be more ok with approaching me more.

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On 7/14/2022 at 2:03 AM, Kwothe28 said:

Why do you need a reason to talk to him? Go over the break and ask how he is doing. Maybe pay him a compliment and see how he reacts. Maybe he will compliment you. Or even ask for a coffee. Also, you dont know much about the guy. So use that time to find out. For example does he has a hoobbies? Or even a girlfriend? I think he does like you. But you both are not going to get anywhere if you are that passive. 

Unsure of hobbies/interests and unsure of official status, though I'd certainly assume single. Most people would have mentioned a significant other by now. Another male co-worker who used to work where I do was a friend and he did mention his gf often (as well as his adorable infant daughter). So he made it clear to people he was taken with a child. I'd certainly assume this guy would have made mention of it if he wasn't single.

I do want to get to know him better and tell him more about me. That's the whole point of seeing if it'll work! I kind of get a shy vibe from him. After what happened today and Monday (see my updates in other people's comments, otherwise I can share them with you directly), I really suspect he WANTS to approach more and talk more often, but he's shy and kind of second guesses things at times.

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15 minutes ago, Mystic said:

Unsure of hobbies/interests and unsure of official status, though I'd certainly assume single. Most people would have mentioned a significant other by now. Another male co-worker who used to work where I do was a friend and he did mention his gf often (as well as his adorable infant daughter). So he made it clear to people he was taken with a child. I'd certainly assume this guy would have made mention of it if he wasn't single.

I do want to get to know him better and tell him more about me. That's the whole point of seeing if it'll work! I kind of get a shy vibe from him. After what happened today and Monday (see my updates in other people's comments, otherwise I can share them with you directly), I really suspect he WANTS to approach more and talk more often, but he's shy and kind of second guesses things at times.

You don't need an excuse to talk to him.  It sounds like you two have talked plenty. Didn't you say you talked to him about your problems that weren't about work? (Sorry, I don't remember.) I assumed if your conversations were that intimate, the basics like his hobbies and relationship status had been covered.

Hobbies are easy. When you're talking, just ask him. "What do you do outside of work? I picture you...whatever you picture him doing. "Going to the gym, pub trivia. You seem like a dog person. Am I close?."

Girlfriend thing also easy. It sounds like he goes out of his way for you. Offer to do something nice for him. Like "You are so sweet to me. I'm going to buy a gift certificate for you and your girlfriend to go to dinner. What's your favorite restaurant?"

I see nothing wrong with asking a man out. It just isn't me. And, I could be wrong, but it doesn't sound like you. You have shared so much and you haven't even asked his hobbies or if he has a girlfriend. And it's a shame to miss a chance because nobody wanted to ask questions that aren't that hard. 

Recently, I ran into a guy from high school. He was beautiful. Never would have thought he'd be interested in me. He said he always wanted to ask me out but I had dated a college guy and he thought that's all Iked. I would have LOVED to go out with him.

I was just trying to coach you out of your shell. I hope my suggestions have been helpful. Do what feels right to you. That, I cannot know 

P.S. Has he asked you your status and hobbies?

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