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Ex considering trying again- what should i do?


Boris 42
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11 minutes ago, Boris 42 said:

Maybe she will come back in a couple of years, maybe not, but i wont be waiting

This is absolutely the best thing you can do for yourself, Boris. 

You will likely find that in two years you will have moved on anyway, and this will be a well-closed chapter from your past. 

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50 minutes ago, Boris 42 said:

i need to work on myself now as well to realise that i am enough...

Boris 42, you're more than enough.

I struggled letting go of my longest-term relationship at some point (actually it took embarrassingly long time, then a relapse and then embarrassingly long time again) and I was really frustrated that my ex couldn't see how good we were together and the magical connection we had. Or at least his choices were in the other direction, whatever.

So, my therapist told me - you see the "magic" because you carry that "magic" within you and you're capable of creating and experiencing it. And I will say the same to you - this most special feeling of loving someone with your whole heart and opening to them - it's yours. Yes, it doesn't happen with just anyone but it's also not going to disappear only because you parted ways with a person who you felt it with.

As much as it's destructive to continuously let people give you breadcrumbs (and you should work on that), the silver lining of this attitude is - you see the good in people. You see the potential. You're able to stay open and hopeful. You're capable of loving. This could bloom beautifully when you match with someone who deserves your time and devotion. And it will. Work on your boundaries but don't shut your heart altogether.

You should be very proud of yourself for finally blocking your ex. It's not easy but it will only get easier. There's no point to focus on potential business meetings, let yourself worry about it (if at all at that time) when an actual possibility of that happens. You will be way ahead from where you're now, you'll handle it.

I'm sorry for your recent struggles and I hope your mom will be well soon. Feel free to come back and vent here. Also, as much as you think your friends might be sick of hearing about those certain issues, probably that's not the case. Most people get frustrated when hearing about the same problem over and over again but not seeing their loved one doing anything to improve the situation. You're already improving by cutting the contact with your ex, so ask for support. Don't shut down, don't isolate yourself.

And, of course - good luck.

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Box up her belongings and put them somewhere where you won't have to see them all the time.  If you move, think about renting a storage unit or see if someone you know can spare some garage space.  You can't just dispose of her belongings without her permission, and it's certainly a bad idea to use her belongings as an excuse to contact her, so that's why I recommend boxing and storing them somewhere.  That way if she does break up with that guy and move back in two years you can direct her to where her items are.

Do not, do NOT contact her regarding her belongings unless you want to go back to being second string in her lineup.

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Thanks @boltnrun.. The last contact i had with her she told me she had split up with him and they were no longer seeing each other as 'she was a mess'  in her words..She was meant to go to a wedding with him this weekend but now (she told me) she is going alone... Im hoping she takes some time out from relationships and works on herself too too see what she wants in the end, but in the end that has nothing to do with me anymore...

I will do as suggested with her things...

Cheers and night

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37 minutes ago, Boris 42 said:

Thanks @boltnrun.. The last contact i had with her she told me she had split up with him and they were no longer seeing each other as 'she was a mess'  in her words..She was meant to go to a wedding with him this weekend but now (she told me) she is going alone... Im hoping she takes some time out from relationships and works on herself too too see what she wants in the end, but in the end that has nothing to do with me anymore...

I will do as suggested with her things...

Cheers and night

I'm going to give this a side eye.  She wanted to make sure you remain a fan and available to her whenever she wants attention.

But that's irrelevant.  She has chosen not to be in a committed love relationship with you.  Which is a good thing, because she's clearly demonstrated she cares little about how much she hurts you.

As they say, you're better off without her in your life.

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