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Should I message him (my crush) first?


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So I am wondering whether to message him or not asking how he is, I’ve been crushing on him since March and we first spoke in March. For context, he was in my uni class and was very quiet, he had a girlfriend in our class but it only lasted around a month, if that. We get on really well, mainly in person as we barely message but he likes my selfies sometimes on instagram and views my stories and likes my artwork on there. We have similar hobbies etc. But the problem is, he is very quiet and I know he has depression and anxiety so I am wondering if him never messaging me is because of that or because he only likes me as a friend, we have been off uni now for summer since late May and around a month ago, I messaged him wishing him a good summer (He doesn’t always reply and carry conversations in but when I do message he first responds with usually quite a long message) but I also asked him to hang out and he didn’t really say much or avoided the question but still continuined to like my stuff? But he is very quiet, has very little instagram followers (under 20 we are talking, I only have around 60 myself) and seems to not do a lot and when he does, with his parents. But i saw a post on his reddit (he doesn’t know I looked) and it says “I have only been in one relationship in the past 6 years and couldnt even stay in a relationship for a month- meaning his ex) and I really can’t work him out? Should I bother messaging him (As I say, the reason him not messaging first could be his anxiety and him not replying to meeting up/ hanging out) or should I just wait until September to see him in person? Or wait until August when its my birthday to see if he says anything…. I really don’t know what to do  will this even go anywhere? I can’t see why it wouldn’t… like at the end of the day, what is wrong with me? Does really hurt though that I asked him to meet up one day (though I only said i might see you before september if you fancy meeting up one day or something) and he didn’t even acknowledge that part…. Then likes my posts and posts on his reddit how he’s not had a relationship only one in 6 years, I’ve not had any and the fact he wrote that really hurts me…. Reason being as I feel totally unacknowledged or sad that he probably doesn’t even see me in that way…

 

I think what threw me out is the fact that he didn’t say much when I asked him to hang out but I know he has anxiety anyway (he opened up to me about it when we first met and said it happens when ordering food in shops / places etc) and he's only posted about going to his favourite concerts with his parents so maybe I wasn’t annoying him? (i felt like I was thats why I haven’t been messaging him since) 

 

Note: I didn’t message him a lot before then anyway, just a few times

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28 minutes ago, Anoymous student said:

I also asked him to hang out and he didn’t really say much or avoided the question but still continuined to like my stuff?

I would credit him with the ability to reach out if he so desires. You've already floated an invitation, and for whatever reason, he didn't take you up on it. Liking stuff is about as noncommittal as one can get--it's clicking, it's that simple.

I'd redirect my focus onto exploring new interests and meeting new people this summer. When your paths cross with this guy, you can be warm and welcoming, but staying preoccupied with the idea of trying to press him into liking you the way you like him isn't productive.

Quiet people have as much ability to walk through an open door as anyone else. You've already opened yours, and it's up to him to take it from there.

Head high, and read my sig.

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3 hours ago, Anoymous student said:

I also asked him to hang out and he didn’t really say much or avoided the question

I woudln't message him again, no. 

He dodged your invitation once. That is your cue that he's not interested the way you are, unfortunately. 

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It sounds like he sees you more as a friend. He’s not interested in hanging out with you which means he’s looking at you as a classmate. Don’t read into his social media likes. That is the lowest effort a person makes. 

Also avoid making excuses for him or his anxiety. If he was interested you’d know but he is actively avoiding you and avoiding your texts and invitation. 

If you see him in class in Sept or on campus be friendly but move on. This issue with his ex and him not being over her is also in the way. Why get hung up over a guy who isn’t even emotionally all there? 

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5 hours ago, Anoymous student said:

 Does really hurt though that I asked him to meet up one day. 

It's ok to have a crush. You've already asked him out and he didn't respond. Save your self respect and leave him alone now.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting local, available, mentally healthy, interested men.

Don't look for someone broken or brokenhearted. Consider yourselves social media acquaintances, nothing more.

Have you read the book 📚 "He's Just Not That Into You"? It may help to to adjust your approach to dating.

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no matter how much anxiety one has...if they are crushing on you they will step up and say yes to any opportunity to be with you. Unfortunately you are seeing things that are not there because you like him so much. It's best to back off. When they don't respond, it's because they don't want to. If he reaches out fine, but you already gave him the green light, and there is nothing else you can do to make things happen. It's up to him now if he chooses to. 

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