How to be mindful?

[kamurj]

How to be mindful?

[Cherylyn]

Think before you act, speak and write.  Know the harsh consequences if you're not careful.  Be considerate, respectful and well mannered.  Practice being honorable, a decent human being and a very moral person.

[Batya33]

Humility helps. By this I mean if you intend to treat others with thoughtfulness and respect and you realize that as we all do you are tempted to react impulsively in a short tempered way then humility - knowing you too are vulnerable to stress and frustration and at risk of acting thoughtlessly or rudely etc - will aid mindfulness. With the humility perspective you will more likely choose to pause or stop before reacting and to choose then whether it’s best to respond later when you’re feeling more centered or to respond briefly from a place of basic politeness and promise yourself to address the situation more later, as needed, once you are calmer. 

[jul-els]

The golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. 

[catfeeder]

On 7/11/2022 at 2:59 PM, kamurj said:

How to be mindful?

I found mindfulness really difficult. I'd set my intention, but I'd sink straight into the hypnosis of everyday distractions. Then someone reminded me that this is a 'practice,' and I could stop faulting myself for not taking easily to trying something that doesn't come naturally.

Maybe I could experiment with taking on a pretend role--just for one day--that of the 'observer.' I could challenge myself to remain as cognizant as possible throughout my day as I observed myself and my interactions. 

This rolled into a fun mind flip--observing the observer, then observing the observer observing others. Freaky!

It also backed me out of my 'normal' personality of being outgoing and assertive, because in order to include others in an observation, I'd need to move out of my own way to allow them to operate. I could see and hear them. This prevented me from running them over, and I could sense from them that they felt heard and understood.

This day was so important to me, I tried it again the next day, too. And the next. It started feeling natural so quickly. I enjoyed the benefits so much, largely because of some immediate successes in negotiating with others, even while I stopped grinding so hard to resolve issues. I started to trust others--because I could actually HEAR their capabilities being expressed--because I was making ROOM for that.

Mindfulness taught me to step back from some bad habits I didn't even know I had. It put them under a magnifying glass in given moments, and this held me back from 'over' operating so that I could 'allow' change.

This was so exciting for me, even while it brought me a peace I couldn't have anticipated.

I continue to 'practice', and I still get it wrong a lot. But when I can relax into it, I can stay in the moment and observe not just me, but the full presence of others. And when I derail, I can snap back into observing that, too, and I can learn from it even while it's happening!

 

[SherrySher]

Being mindful includes:

Observing your surrounding, with no judgement or attaching no thoughts or emotions. Just being.

Observe your own thoughts. Again, don't judge, don't attach any emotions good or bad, just observe.

Try to clear your thoughts best you can. Your mind will go from clear to different thought coming back in, and that's okay. Continue to try clearing your mind and staying focused on relaxation and being clear headed.

Bring your mind back to the present moment. It will wander, and that's okay too, just gently continue to bring it back.

Slow deep relaxing breaths. Box breathing. Taking in a breath counting to 4. Holding breath to the count of 4, exhaling to the count of 4. 

Be gentle with yourself and with others.

Make each decision in your day carefully and with thought put into it. Each decision will create your day, your life, your reality, so choose wisely.

When a person is mindful in their life, it helps create mental clarity, improved concentration, lowering stress and anxiety, better self control and self regulation. Being able to focus on kindness and compassion not only towards yourself, but towards others.

Being mindful is a skill, and takes daily practice. But it has a lot of benefits in not only how your view the world, but also how you cope with it in a more positive manner despite the difficulties/hardships.

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, catfeeder said:

This day was so important to me, I tried it again the next day, too. And the next. It started feeling natural so quickly. I enjoyed the benefits so much, largely because of some immediate successes in negotiating with others, even while I stopped grinding so hard to resolve issues. I started to trust others--because I could actually HEAR their capabilities being expressed--because I was making ROOM for that.

At the risk of turning into a discussion -this is just a clarifying question from someone who can relate a lot -is this also about turning off the sort of tape in your head that is preparing the next thing you're going to say in a conversation so that you can actually hear what the person is saying -and maybe even pausing a bit longer before responding?

[Lambert]

I hear the phrase. "be in the moment" a lot regarding the mindful buzz. 

@catfeeder provides a good explanation about observing, how it changed them, how it's a practice and it takes practice.

It could also be a more active extension of meditation. Letting the  experience of the moment be what it is, while being open to what's happening right then. 

It can be a coping mechanism, bring your awareness fully to your experience and choosing to handle things in the way that is most supportive of one's true nature. Not allowing autopilot or knee jerk reactions to rule you. 

@catfeeder I understand what you are saying here...

7 hours ago, catfeeder said:

It also backed me out of my 'normal' personality of being outgoing and assertive, because in order to include others in an observation, I'd need to move out of my own way to allow them to operate. I could see and hear them. This prevented me from running them over, and I could sense from them that they felt heard and understood.

I also feel, I let go of some of my outgoing and assertive reactions. It is almost as if I learned that:

1. I don't have to try so hard and/or

2. what ever I was wanting or expecting from it, didn't matter so much

Being mindful (to me) is to remember my inherent goodness and by extension the same in others.  Giving others space but also recognizing my space, my experience. And then when ready or needed, I can choice to continue or to change.

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

...-is this also about turning off the sort of tape in your head that is preparing the next thing you're going to say in a conversation so that you can actually hear what the person is saying -and maybe even pausing a bit longer before responding?

Yep. Observing is like turning on the camera. Your self consciousness kicks in, and so do your manners. Your interactions become dependent on cues from others, so you Pay Attention.

This is uncomfortable, it's fake! But then you start to learn what CAN happen when you 'break rote' and operate without your agenda and your assumptions getting in the way.

That's the part we can't know without the experience.

It's ironic that watching ourselves become fake can teach us so much about dropping the habitual stuff that makes life harder. We come to learn HOW we can relax, and I believe that this is what is meant by the word 'authentic'.

 

[reinventmyself]

Certainly not second nature for me.  I am always catching myself, while in a conversation to resist thinking of what I will say while someone is telling me something.  When you're but reciting your rebuttal in your head you aren't reeeeallly listening.  Again, I'm not good at it. But I am aware. I'll catch myself and I try.

Depending on its importance, I know not to respond to something that might otherwise require me to give a thoughtful response. I may ask for some time to think about it and respond later.  The first thing out my mouth isn't always the best response.

I have anxiety so ruminating, and forecasting is a pretty normal state for me. I have to catch myself remind myself to live in the moment.  Hard stopping the hamster wheel train of thoughts and quietly focus on everything around me.  The sounds, colors, smells and feelings.  In tense moments, I'll catch myself and recite out loud everything I am grateful for.  It all helps. It grounds me and calms me down.  It's never that easy, but it is worth practicing.

[Batya33]

I thought of this earlier - a subset of this mindfulness discussion -tone.  Being very mindful of tone.  Not subjecting others to your stress/anxiety via tone and choosing to speak more slowly (especially with a customer service rep) but without slow but condescending sounding lol.  Tone is so important and it's hard to be mindful of tone in the moment.

[Cherylyn]

How to be mindful?  Treat others with respect.  If mutual respect isn't a sincere collaborative effort,   relationships and friendships tend to falter,  flounder and eventually disintegrate.