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What Does A Healthy Relationship Look Like?


kamurj
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IMO, a couple who feel GOOD together.

They feel they can talk & are being heard. ( proper communication)

They mesh well and manage to do things together and for each other. ( not all one sided)

There's no insulting or making the other feel bad all the time ( guilt) - so, no abuse.

They just manage to make it work and be truly 'Happy' 🙂 

* My parents have been together for many years. I was just explaining to my youngest a few days ago, how even though dad may be a little 'stubborn' ( as mom calls it), he has been a great support to her & her health concerns, he's shown a lot of support to her & their business.  With all of the obstacles through their time, they've managed to work it all out - together. *

I guess that's a success 🙂 .

 

As for seeing negatives within relationships 😕 . I have seen couples continue to basically 'tolerate' the other , because they are 'emotionally invested'.. That is sad, really.

If it's too much, if they're miserable inside, I'd hope they'll eventually come to realize what it's doing to them & that it's just not healthy on them. Of course, every couple experiences challenging times, but there's only so much someone can take. And do not stay together for the wrong reasons ( fear of being alone, pressures, expectations, etc).

 

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My MIL and FIL (mother-in-law and late father-in-law) were married for a very, very long time and they set the gold standard so high.  It is very difficult to emulate for many.  Fortunately, my husband and I've been very happily married for a long time. 

Any and all relationships whether it be friendships, marriages, relationships require basic empathy rules which is love and respect.  It's not that complicated.  It requires self control, selflessness and 'The Golden Rule' which is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." 

Not interrupting during conversations, being considerate, kind, thoughtful and well mannered are all hallmarks of enduring relationships.  Not raising voices, not becoming impulsively emotional and slow to anger are ingredients for a successful relationship recipe.  Thinking before one speaks, acts and writes is common sense. 

I've noticed that a person has to have a good heart to begin with because all the self control in the world cannot and will not change your brain's makeup.  How you think reflects what comes out of your mouth, how you act and what you write. 

A lot of 'damaged people' with psychosis are very incompatible.  You're either a good match or not.  You can't force relationships to work if you don't think in similar terms regarding how to treat each other well.  Relationships are only healthy if both parties are on the same page.  It doesn't work any other way. 

Healthy relationships tend to thrive better when there's less to nil arguments or fights about money.  My mother said, "Rich men don't fight."  This expression means if economics are sound, if you don't have to struggle financially in order to survive, relationships tend to be smoother even in relationships which already have empathy.  When you don't have to worry about money, it's not a source of constant contention, stress, unnecessary fights and life feels generally and overall smoother.  You can concentrate on other things instead of lack of money always being your primary concern. 

Great communication minus drama is a tremendous plus.  Communication should be easy and uncomplicated. 

Relationships thrive without an ounce of gaslighting which is often the culprit of disintegrating relationships of all kinds.  Deflecting, manipulating, changing the subject, forcing you to perceive that there's something wrong with YOU instead of issues, accusing you of being a liar, mentally ill, etc are all classic signs of evil gaslighting which is psychological warfare. 

Relationships are encouraging and morally supportive instead of dragging you down. 

For my in-laws and us, we believe in our power of (Christian) prayer and we take our faith seriously. 

Ethics, being a very moral person, basic integrity and treating others with dignity are tantamount.

Relationships have to be comfortable all around because this is what security and stability is.

My in-laws and us are very financially established and settled in our lives.  It's peaceful which is the secret to successful relationships IMHO.

We all live in quiet suburbs which is a great life for us. 

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One where you have common goals and interests and consideration, compassion and respect. You also need a healthy dose of forgiveness and humour. Also don’t forget the ever most important ingredient, love. 
 

My husband and I have been married 28 incredible years. Some good and some bad but I would do them all again. My in-laws were married 62 years before my father-in-law passed away last year 25 days before their 63rd anniversary. 

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It’s so hard to type an answer. I like Seraphim’s. Also the lyrics to Billy Joel’s song You’re My House You’re My Home.  

I’m often baffled at how some will resort to ten dollar words and psychological terms to describe their vision of a healthy long term relationship or marriage.

My husband son and I are traveling in Europe right now for a week. Healthy looks like :  not taking your jet lag out on your family or your immense irritation at what “coffee maker” actually means in a European hotel room (I’m the only coffee drinker and have had none since Monday morning  - son would like to be lol).

travel I find personally - not everyone does - tests the health. Typically you’re out of your routine , lots of Covid complications, you have to compromise on how to see the sights , when to eat and what and how, how to budget, etc. it’s kind of a microcosm of the real life of couples on steroids.

Today I chose my health over waiting more time on a long line for a questionable sightseeing thing. After sightseeing for about 6 hours. Heatwave got to me.  But I also chose to make sure my husband and son felt free to stay and I found my own way back in a subway and I don’t speak the language. That’s what I mean. Compromise. It’s constant.

I could have been a martyr and sucked it up and dealt with the exhaustion and heat related stuff. Which I would have done if it meant my son couldn’t go. But my husband was happy to wait with  my son. All of these experiences present opportunities to act in a healthy way or not.  Much much more than abstract musing about “Communication” and “Love Languages “.  JMHO 

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2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I could have been a martyr and sucked it up and dealt with the exhaustion and heat related stuff. Which I would have done if it meant my son couldn’t go. But my husband was happy to wait with  my son. All of these experiences present opportunities to act in a healthy way or not.  Much much more than abstract musing about “Communication” and “Love Languages “.  JMHO 

Safe travels, Batya33!  🙂  Have fun in Europe!

For me, traveling is the easy part with hotels, eating out, no chores, sightseeing and the like.  It's fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.   My husband and I don't live out of suitcases often but traveling was enjoyable despite its hectic schedules.

Healthy relationships share same values regarding love and respect which is basic.  Both people need to be on the same page and in lockstep.   Relationships are a lot of work if both people don't know how to treat each other right.  It either works or it doesn't.  There is no in between.  I find this to be true with all relationships such as marriage, friendship, for example.  It's not that complicated.  Psychologically, you have to be similar or the other person will give you trouble and it's not going to work.  It's a relief to arrive at this conclusion because it builds self confidence and it's very empowering.  I've applied this conclusion in my life recently which gives me peace from within.

 

 

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You are so right travelling tests the healthy. Travelling for my son is horrible the first few days. It involves multiple meltdowns a day and even running away from locations . He just can’t process what is happening. As a couple we have to be there for each other and him as it is emotionally exhausting for everyone. This time too with my husband’s TBI I had to do all the driving and keep myself even keel for everyone. So , yesterday I went to see my mom and we had a pedicure together just so I could relax and get away from everyone’s issues for 8 hours. 
 

Have a great trip ! 

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Traveling is fun without kids and when it’s not for business although the latter is more doable. It’s fun with kids but balanced with a lot of work. Lots of planning and shopping and prep work before, lots of managing of a child out of his time zone and routine and typical stuff, and although I love the adventures I plan for my son and me on the day or days of my husband’s conference it’s fun but also exhausting. We’ve only gone to Europe so far with our son for conferences to save on hotel and airfare. 3 times - France, Sweden and now Portugal!

My husband and I had fun in Paris when we were first dating in the 1990s and in Iceland too shortly before we got married and became parents. We’ve also gone all over the US together before and after marriage. With a child for me it’s not a vacation and I manage my expectations that way. Having said that my son is such a trooper when it comes to exploring new places with me and he always tries to learn the language enough to be able to say thank you and please  to those we interact with. 
Thanks Kamurj!  I hope you get to get away too! It is good for a relationship for sure to get out of comfort zones etc. 

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21 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Traveling is fun without kids and when it’s not for business although the latter is more doable. It’s fun with kids but balanced with a lot of work. Lots of planning and shopping and prep work before, lots of managing of a child out of his time zone and routine and typical stuff, and although I love the adventures I plan for my son and me on the day or days of my husband’s conference it’s fun but also exhausting. We’ve only gone to Europe so far with our son for conferences to save on hotel and airfare. 3 times - France, Sweden and now Portugal!

My husband and I had fun in Paris when we were first dating in the 1990s and in Iceland too shortly before we got married and became parents. We’ve also gone all over the US together before and after marriage. With a child for me it’s not a vacation and I manage my expectations that way. Having said that my son is such a trooper when it comes to exploring new places with me and he always tries to learn the language enough to be able to say thank you and please  to those we interact with. 
Thanks Kamurj!  I hope you get to get away too! It is good for a relationship for sure to get out of comfort zones etc. 

Batya33, You are providing a great adventure for your son and he'll have fun memories of sightseeing, family time and seeing new places far from home.  All 3 of you will have positive experiences from getting away from it all. 

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