Facebook: when someone removes your name from a relationship status but keeps “in a relationship”

[Kevin II]

i’m still trying to figure this one out. Why would you go “Facebook official” and say you’re in a relationship with somebody specific, and even though you both remain on Facebook, the other person suddenly removes your name and now it’s just “in a relationship?” Everywhere I am reading says that’s bad news. Not sure what to tell my buddy. I’ve been trying to tell him that this relationship isn’t healthy anyway. Reminds me of one I’m still recovering from.

[catfeeder]

It's not always the best idea for a most trusted friend to become the villainous messenger.

Of course this doesn't mean that your intentions are bad, but sometimes we need to be the 'safe place' for someone to work through their delusions about someone who we can objectively see is bad news.

Consider possible outcomes where your opinion is not (really) welcomed and your friend only clamps down harder to prove you wrong, or he expels you from his life dedicated to his poison-person only to be harmed but cut off from the comforts you could have offered.

Sometimes we need to allow the people we love most to make their own mistakes, even while we  remain loyal and supportive enough for them to feel our love during their pain.

 

[MissCanuck]

Privacy. Or they've cheated and and are trying to stop the other person from tracking down their partner and exposing it. 

 

[Kwothe28]

Well, she removed his name from some reason. That is why his status changed from specific name to "in a relationship". Maybe she just dont want to be in a relationship with him or other prospects to see that she is in a relationship. But its not a good sign for sure.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Kevin II said:

 I’ve been trying to tell him that this relationship isn’t healthy anyway. Reminds me of one I’m still recovering from.

Is your friend happy in the relationship?

FB is not the determining factor of anything. Who knows, maybe she upgraded her phone or software or he did or he doesn't want to be tagged or they both decided not to reveal so much personal data on a questionable data mining app like FB.

How old is he? How long has he been dating her? 

What happened in the relationship you're "still recovering" from? Focus on getting that behind you. Don't try to sabotage his relationship because you recently had a breakup. If he's unhappy, he'll tell you. Certainly he knows what her FB looks like, no?

 

[Batya33]

I'd stay out of it.  Unless there is abuse or the like going on unless he asks you specifically what you think I'd stay out of it.  If the relationship is not healthy because of abuse you know of yes say something.  Otherwise it's none of your business.

[Rose Mosse]

13 hours ago, Kevin II said:

i’m still trying to figure this one out. Why would you go “Facebook official” and say you’re in a relationship with somebody specific, and even though you both remain on Facebook, the other person suddenly removes your name and now it’s just “in a relationship?” Everywhere I am reading says that’s bad news. Not sure what to tell my buddy. I’ve been trying to tell him that this relationship isn’t healthy anyway. Reminds me of one I’m still recovering from.

Is he coming to you for help? Venting to you about her? Keep your discussion short and sweet and say your opinion without completely running down his relationship and choices. Remember that his dating life is not your dating life. He will have to come to those conclusions on his own.

If you’re also dealing with a break up, stay in tune with yourself and busy. It can be too convenient getting caught up in someone else’s problems but know that they are not yours. Have good boundaries and know your place.

[smackie9]

Leave him alone, whatever is happening between those two is none of your business. My take on it would be that they are having a spat about something. They are a couple, they have their issues, they will work through them. This is how people learn things about themselves, problem solving, etc. This is how we are prepared for marriage, by learning from these experiences. If it's that bad they will call it quits eventually. It's just part of the process. So stop meddling.

[Kevin II]

Well he is specifically asking me for my opinion. We are close and we know we have good advice for each other even if we let our emotions cloud our own decisions sometimes.

 

He’s the one that tagged her originally to be in a relationship and she was totally OK with it and even celebratory, and 2 1/2 months later she removed it. Unfortunately in today’s world Facebook statuses do mean a lot especially to younger people. I’m  just trying to see what everyone else thought. Doesn’t sound like such a great thing. Thanks everyone

[smackie9]

Hey if he goes to you for advice that's fine...but getting overly involved can ruin a friendship. Take it from us old farts on here...the less you get involved the better.

[Lambert]

Why? The same reason most people do the things they do, it serves them. 

Whether they're setting the stage to leave, creating a perception for others to see, creating drama or they're just dumb and don't know what they're doing in social media who knows!  if it's not your name stay out of it.  Focus on your own life. 

Trying to help people or advise them without them asking for help or advice are easy ways to lose friends. 

[MissCanuck]

19 minutes ago, Kevin II said:

He’s the one that tagged her originally to be in a relationship and she was totally OK with it and even celebratory, and 2 1/2 months later she removed it. 

Did he ask her why? 

[Kevin II]

I’m not sure they’re temporarily living together until Labor Day

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Kevin II said:

I’m not sure they’re temporarily living together until Labor Day

That's an essential part of this -he should ask her why.

[SooSad33]

18 hours ago, Kevin II said:

the other person suddenly removes your name and now it’s just “in a relationship?” Everywhere I am reading says that’s bad news. Not sure what to tell my buddy. I’ve been trying to tell him that this relationship isn’t healthy anyway. Reminds me of one I’m still recovering from.

As asked, what is it you endured?  ( to make you concerned for him - that is not healthy?) 

At least it still states they are 'in a relationship'.... Have they been involved w good amt of time?

I have never felt a need to post I am in a relationship online - in ways, it sounds like HE is maybe more in this than she is?

 

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

As asked, what is it you endured?  ( to make you concerned for him - that is not healthy?) 

At least it still states they are 'in a relationship'.... Have they been involved w good amt of time?

I have never felt a need to post I am in a relationship online - in ways, it sounds like HE is maybe more in this than she is?

 

sorry, double post

[Batya33]

Just now, Batya33 said:

 

I don't post who I am married to and my husband's FB account -not even sure if he says he is married as he never uses it. I think the issue is here that she changed the status not that she didnt post in the first place.

[Kwothe28]

15 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

At least it still states they are 'in a relationship'

I dont think lots of you get it. When you are in a relationship with somebody on Facebook, Facebook asks that person to confirm and it shows to both of your bio. In this case she removed her status later. So his changed from "In a relationship with person x" to just "In a relationship". While hers is empty now. If we are taking Facebook to real life analogy, that means she broke up and he is still the one yelling "But we are in the relationship!". 

Just saying what really happened in technical terms. 😁

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Kwothe28 said:

I dont think lots of you get it. When you are in a relationship with somebody on Facebook, Facebook asks that person to confirm and it shows to both of your bio. In this case she removed her status later. So his changed from "In a relationship with person x" to just "In a relationship". While hers is empty now. If we are taking Facebook to real life analogy, that means she broke up and he is still the one yelling "But we are in the relationship!". 

Just saying what really happened in technical terms. 😁

Definitely not when I joined and added my marital status in 2008.  So you mean that his changes and no longer refers to her name because she changed it to the generic? Wow!

[Kwothe28]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Definitely not when I joined and added my marital status in 2008.  So you mean that his changes and no longer refers to her name because she changed it to the generic? Wow!

She deleted his name or just changed her relationship status in general. So his status is now just generic "In a relationship" without her profile name linked there. There is an option to hide it from certain people(so only certain people can see it for example) but I think you need to change it entirely so the other person status would change to generic one. Otherwise you would still see her name on his relationship status. 

[waffle]

20 hours ago, Kevin II said:

. . . the other person suddenly removes your name and now it’s just “in a relationship?” Everywhere I am reading says that’s bad news. 

I can't think of any way you could spin this where it would be a good thing. 

The obvious answer is to ask the lady in question what happened.

[Tinydance]

Well you can give your friend your opinion about what it means but that still wouldn't resolve the problem of what *really* happened. If your friend was in a relationship with this girl for a few months then surely he should feel comfortable enough to actually confront her and ask what happened? He should be talking to her to figure this out, it's their relationship. I mean, how do you actually know why she removed his name? I think you should be a supportive friend to him if they break up but otherwise don't get involved in it.

[Rose Mosse]

On 7/10/2022 at 8:29 AM, Kevin II said:

Well he is specifically asking me for my opinion. We are close and we know we have good advice for each other even if we let our emotions cloud our own decisions sometimes.

 

He’s the one that tagged her originally to be in a relationship and she was totally OK with it and even celebratory, and 2 1/2 months later she removed it. Unfortunately in today’s world Facebook statuses do mean a lot especially to younger people. I’m  just trying to see what everyone else thought. Doesn’t sound like such a great thing. Thanks everyone

He needs to speak with his gf. Encourage him to be open with her and find out the answers that way.

[Wonderstruck]

I don't understand why he would ask YOU, but not his own girlfriend. That makes no sense to me.

Wouldn't the easiest way to get the answer he's looking for be to ask her DIRECTLY? Then he'd have the answer immediately AND it wouldn't just be you guessing at what her possible motivation could be.

If he's too nervous to ask her directly, that's already a red flag and a sign that they have terrible communication problems and/or he knows, deep down, that she has one foot out the door, but he doesn't want to confront the truth.

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Wonderstruck said:

I don't understand why he would ask YOU, but not his own girlfriend. That makes no sense to me.

Agree. Why can't he ask her why they are not "FB official"?