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My friend has changed for the worse


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I have a female friend, she is from Portugal and we have been good friends for just over 2 years now.  However in the last few months she has changed a lot and caused me a lot of heartache.  I can’t say anything right anymore and finds any given way to upset me.  The last conversation I was simply mentioning people at work having Covid and the next thing she is attacking me?!!!  I think she is the one with the issues?  Maybe I am too sensitive, don’t know?

Have many other conversations with her when she upsets me too.

Can someone look at the following conversation I had with her and tell me    your honest thoughts?

Many thanks,  

Mark

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27 minutes ago, Mark Scott said:

 

Peter's son James has
got Covid now. Has
been off work 2 weeks
and now will be off this
week as well.
Reckon that will be the
same for me coming
back from Italy
I need to sleep now
am shattered

What do you mean?

That you'll get the
Covid in Italy
Probably from airports.
Peter went to Sweden
the other day. They
didn't wear face masks
in the airport but had to
wear them on the plane
And he ended up
getting Covid

In Portugal people wear
more than here
You can get it anywhere
You got it here

I went to many places
and never got it
Is that variation
already here

Yep it is

So you can get it
here too
Right?

Exactly

So why are you
being dramatic?


Not being dramatic, just
think there is a greater
chance in a crowded area

Do you still wear the
mask here

Only where I have to,
like doctors and
dentists

What about
supermarkets?


Not supermarkets
It's also a crowded
place most of the times
That's true

Maybe in our countries
there's more Covid than
here
Specially because we
still wear the mask
there
And yes you're
being dramatic
You can catch it here at
Lidl or in Rome
I went so many times to
Portugal and never got
it
And you got the
virus here
English being English
Goodnight

The next day she sent me this message…..

Good morning
Don't tell me you got
upset from yesterday?

Good morning

l asked you a question
Isn't it obvious?
So yep

You are so sensitive.
Can't tell you anything.
From now one I won't
express my opinion just
what you wanna hear.
Better this way?

You are right so be
careful when you go to
Italy wear the mask
everywhere. Probably
you'll get COVID there
and then you have to
miss work 1 week.

I was just saying there
is an increased risk in
heavily populated areas
that's all. My boss said
the same thing to me,
that's why James got
Covid too. Of course
you can catch Covid
from just one person, all
I was saying is that
cases are rising again.

You said it's very likely
to catch the virus there.
And I said it's likely to
got it here too as you
don't take precautions.
I didn't mean it like that,
I should have been
clearer.
I meant in airports So
going and coming back.
It wasn't anything
against Italy obviously.
 

Wear the mask. You
have the same chances
to get the virus here or
there. You are worried
with something you can
control. If you feel safe
enough here (you don't
wear the mask) why
don't you feel there? I
haven't said any lie.
Seems that you are
more exposed abroad
than here and it's not
true.
Did you wear the mask
at the concert?
I feel safe everywhere, I
have been jabbed and
have never said I am
worried
Of course

We have to live with the
virus now
Cool so it's even an
issue. If you get the
virus you'll stay at
home 1 week. It's not
malaria or dengue virus
from the third world.
Covid is everywhere.
Exactly

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16 minutes ago, Mark Scott said:

So why are you being dramatic?

Why are you launching arguments about covid? Then calling her "dramatic"? Have you met in person? Is there more than a 'friendship" interest?

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9 minutes ago, Mark Scott said:

It’s her calling me dramatic

Ok, the text exchange was very unclear. Just step back and give each other some space to let the dust settle.

Try not to get drawn into debates over controversial topics. Especially when it sounds like lecturing her about travel.

She is responsible for her health/safety and you are responsible for yours. It sounds like you would like more than a friendship.

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I wouldn't continue texting about sensitive topics.  Covid can trigger people.  For example, I've been exposed a couple of times through close contact and/or I had cold symptoms. I did not appreciate those who demanded I quarrantine in a specific way or test again in a specific way - people who I hadn't been around and didn't plan on being around nor was I around groups of people - I telework, don't do social stuff etc.  Seeing it in a typed text made it come across as much harsher.

My son just got over covid a few weeks ago.  I loved how supportive certain of my friends were and others were just wayyyyy too alarmist demanding I keep testing, demanding I do this or refrain from doing that -as if they were my personal physician. 

I felt very defensive (and we had exposed no one before my son got sick -he got it at camp so he unwittingly exposed those at camp for the 1.5 hours he was there the day he didn't feel well - my husband was away and was away likely before my son was symptomatic and I hadn't been around people at all that week)  -and we isolated to the greatest extent we possibly could during the CDC quarantine period.  We followed the rules.  We did not get covid.  And there were those people who gave unsolicited input and were alarmist and it was not helpful.  Just saying. 

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10 hours ago, Mark Scott said:

However in the last few months she has changed a lot and caused me a lot of heartache.  I can’t say anything right anymore and finds any given way to upset me.

She was argumentative and unpleasant in her tone as I read the text conversation. Bear in mind, people’s opinions about Covid can fluctuate quickly over the course of weeks or months due to stress overall or feeling anxious. 

If you don’t know why she’s behaving like this and don’t consider her a good friend, distance yourself or change the subject when you feel it’s getting out of control. Don’t let her look for a bone to pick with you. You have better things to do.

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Your friend is reminiscent of my sister.  You can't fix "stupid." 

Her calling you 'sensitive' and 'dramatic' is gaslighting.  Gaslighting is manipulating the conversation, deflecting, changing your perception of the facts, name calling (sensitive / dramatic), changing the subject, taking detours with the dialogue so you're left constantly defending yourself and around and around it goes in dizzying, endless circles until you discover you are being played for a fool. 

Other gaslighters call you a liar, loose cannon, mentally ill and cause you to question your integrity and character.  Avoid them at all costs! 

Never engage with a gaslighter.  They think they're so slick but they're really tricky and sneaky.  It took me a long time to realize what gaslighting is and now I can sniff a gaslighter from a mile away.  Once I catch a whiff of a gaslighter's psyche, I flee immediately.  Gaslighters are insincere, complicated people and the best thing you can do for yourself is only associate with high class people.  Gaslighters are at the bottom and underneath dirt. 

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Is this someone you've ever met in person, OP?

When she conveys annoyance, I'd just stop responding for a day or two, then change the subject.

I'd stop defending myself, as she just spins that round and round. It's pointless.

I'd question the value of discussions with this person if she continues to sound this way.

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