Jump to content

My boyfriend is going out for drinks with a girl he met at a hostel whilst backpacking in Cambodia 4 years ago..


Message added by kamurj,

The topic has run its course, closed.

Recommended Posts

My boyfriend must be out with that girl. He didn't message me to let me know that he is going out like he usually does when he goes with his work colleagues.

It's 8pm here now!!! 😞

I've been snooping on his Internet history and this morning, he had done a Google search for 'a good bar near Bank' and the also checked out time out London for things to do in London this week. 

I don't know anything else. 

I'm in a massive state and panic tearful,exasperated.I haven't been able to do anything since I got home from work. I won't be having dinner. My anxiety is through the roof. I feel like I'm losing my mind. 

WHEN is he going to get home? 

I don't think I'll be going into work tomorrow after tonight. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, Hhbgff said:

He didn't message me to let me know that he is going out like he usually does when he goes with his work colleagues.

It's 8pm here now

I've been snooping on his Internet history

I don't think I'll be going into work tomorrow after tonight. 

Did he  tell you he is meeting this friend a while ago? Does he usually message that he is working late or going out drinking after work? Why can't you text him "What's up"?

It's hard to believe you're together 8 years, live together and can't talk to him about anything and just guess, snoop and make assumptions.

 It's also hard to believe you continue living with someone who won't commit to you, sees no future with you, won't communicate with you, goes out on dates and causes you this much anxiety.

 If you take tomorrow off, why not look for apartments and make arrangements to move out?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You have total control over what YOU do. Instead it seems you're just passively waiting for this guy to decide your future for you.

Do you feel he has more value as a human being than you do? How did you get into this habit of being so passive? Why are you so fearful to talk to him about your concerns? 

What is the worst possible outcome you can think of? How would you deal with it if it comes true?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, JoyfulCompany said:

You seem to be a loving, reliable, observant person. Your only mistake is that you don't practice those towards yourself. And this mistake comes with a great cost you've already paid and are currently paying - enormous hurt. I would strongly recommend therapy,

Yes, therapy will be a great way to build your self-worth. Make yourself a priority on this matter, because when this relationship ends, you don't want to continue a pattern of attracting, and being attracted to, guys who aren't worthy of you. People who are mentally unhealthy (and those unhealthy traits can be totally different from one another) have a tendency to choose each other for what ends up being a very dysfunctional relationship.

Just as two mentally healthy people spot each other, and they can also spot a toxic person and cut them off as soon as they see that the person is toxic.

Good luck in your exit. I know it's upsetting, and a therapist will help guide you through all these stages of a breakup and healing more seamlessly. Take care.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't want you to think I don't understand. I do, because I was also in a long term (four years) relationship with someone who treated me poorly and as  a placeholder until he found the one he really wanted to be with. He did things that should have made me walk away but I stayed. Because my self esteem was in the toilet, I thought I just had to get him to love me. That was more important to me than anything except my kids and even then being upset over my relationship with him ruined more than one occasion with them.

He finally dumped me for a woman he was completely entranced with and had been cheating on me with. He was totally, completely in love with her in a way he'd never been with me. But instead of feeling envious or like there must be something "wrong" with me or that she was "better" than me, I realized he wasn't good enough for me. I don't want to tie myself to a man who is always on the lookout for someone else, someone new or someone who fit in with how he chose to live. I wasted a lot of time on him, but I used Dr. Phil's words as inspiration...the only thing worse than staying in a bad relationship for four years is staying for four years and one day. Or returning to a bad relationship.

I can't tell you how much the anxiety and nervousness vanished when I was finally free of him. The difference was amazing. And I don't miss him, not one bit. I feel relieved he's out of my life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 7/7/2022 at 4:01 AM, Hhbgff said:

My boyfriend said that she messaged him on Instagram and they are now going out for drinks at a bar next Wednesday. His words to me yesterday were "just so you know we're going out for drinks".

They are going out for drinks alone at bar next Wednesday.

You've known about this this for over a week when he spelled it out quit explicitly. So it's odd you're sitting home wondering where he is and snooping through his search history.

  • Sad 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, Hhbgff said:

My boyfriend must be out with that girl. He didn't message me to let me know that he is going out like he usually does when he goes with his work colleagues.

It's 8pm here now!!! 😞

I've been snooping on his Internet history and this morning, he had done a Google search for 'a good bar near Bank' and the also checked out time out London for things to do in London this week. 

I don't know anything else. 

I'm in a massive state and panic tearful,exasperated.I haven't been able to do anything since I got home from work. I won't be having dinner. My anxiety is through the roof. I feel like I'm losing my mind. 

WHEN is he going to get home? 

I don't think I'll be going into work tomorrow after tonight. 

So are you going to just keep snooping the computer or you'll actually confront him about all this? I'm really baffled as to why you knew he just went out with another woman and yet you never said anything, though you are so torn up inside. Sounds like you just want to placate him and somehow hope that he'll choose you in the end. Something tells me he won't though....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, JoyfulCompany said:

Hhbgff, are you reading the responses in your topic? It feels more like a monologue/diary for some time now.

She won't have a dialogue with her BF either.  It's just spinning and catastrophizing.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share


×
×
  • Create New...