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20 minutes ago, dd7 said:

He's stayed every night except maybe 2 weeks tops for the past 15 months. Minus the past lil bit less than a week. 

He kinda has his own place as in his 2 adult children live there but the lease is in his and his son's name and he doesn't have a room there. He's now sleeping on the couch there🤷

In other words, he wasn't staying with you, he was full on living with you while refusing to contribute.

Going forward, take a lesson from this situation. Don't let a guy "stay" with you like this. Dating is dating. Other than a night over for some extra fun, he needs to leave and you need to learn to be less welcoming to this kind of moving in with you. Now if the relationship progresses to where you want to actually live together, then it is a big step forward that you both need to think through and agree on terms of how that will work financially. That includes where to live, how to share costs, who pays for what and how much, even chores. It's not romantic but necessary. Otherwise you'll have plenty of leeches lined up at your door to "stay" awhile for free.

Consider also that if you live in an apartment, then he is not going to be maintaining the house in any traditional sense. That's done by the apartment management. So he will need to contribute to domestic chores in some way that makes it fair or contribute more toward rent financially or something. Don't be a mule who pulls the whole cart solo while he sits in the cart and enjoys the ride.

However you split things in the relationship, be sure that both of you are doing your fair share in whatever form that may be.

 

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47 minutes ago, dd7 said:

He kinda has his own place as in his 2 adult children live there but the lease is in his and his son's name and he doesn't have a room there. He's now sleeping on the couch there🤷

Super! That's where he belongs. Do not let parasites mooch. It's good you asked him to leave. You're not a homeless shelter.

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7 hours ago, DancingFool said:

In other words, he wasn't staying with you, he was full on living with you while refusing to contribute.

Going forward, take a lesson from this situation. Don't let a guy "stay" with you like this. Dating is dating. Other than a night over for some extra fun, he nee

His idea of his fair share of contribution was 1 nice dinner out each week-week and a half ($40 all in, bill for 2 plus tip), plus maybe 2 fast food cheap meals ($2-$7 each) through the week. Plus the $30-$35 water bill. If we went to Walmart or Dollar store for household supplies, we'd split it.

I just feel like I was being taken advantage of, and it's my own fault for allowing it. But then when I bring it up, he says it's not his place, it's mine. 

This week has almost been a breath of fresh air since it IS my place and he's staying where he should have been all along. I felt lost for a minute and second guessed myself. I appreciate and Ive learned much from the opinions here, including those that said I was asking for too much. My bed is much more comfy. It's only a full size so now I can stretch out again and the cat has returned to the foot of the bed. I might even be a bit happier. 🤷 It's definitely been a lesson learned. 

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On 7/8/2022 at 1:20 PM, dd7 said:

He's now sleeping on the couch there🤷

Good! Smart of you to get him out. From this you've learned not to allow anyone to stay over on any night you haven't extended an invitation to do so.

Regarding the 'vulnerability' point, which I think is a good one: if you find a man who you'll want to stay, keep only your name on your lease, and have him pay only 'expenses' and NOT 'rent'.

Once he technically pays you rent, you may not be able to force him to move out without a technical eviction.

Payment of rent entitles people to certain protections that vary by state, so look into your laws. But to be legally safe, you can charge utilities, cable, phone, food--any 'expenses,' even up to 100% to make his payments EQUAL to rent--but you cannot call it rent if you'll want to retain your right to ask him to leave at will.

Always give a receipt and keep a copy, and be sure to mark it 'expenses', not 'rent'--and don't accept any checks that say 'rent' on them.

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