Got back with someone recently and now he’s ignoring me

[Nasnas]

Recently me & this guy got back together. It’s important to note that we dated for about 8 months before but we sorta drifted off. We both always made it clear that we were dating to marry, if compatible (religious reasons) I say we drifted off because I was dealing with anxiety & depression and pushed him away telling him we’re not compatible. Basically self sabotaged the new relationship without giving it a proper chance. We were different in many ways but there was chemistry & after learning to deal with anxiety/depression and deeply thinking about it I felt that we could’ve had a chance. We could’ve handled it better. 11 months went by & he liked my video on social media. We didn’t have a proper “bad breakup” or anything so I had him on socials not blocked. I was very busy healing but this single interaction triggered my anxiety and I started thinking of him for the first time in a long time. Then about three weeks ago he contacted me. He called and apologized. He told me he didn’t like how it ended. He said he wanted to give it a shot and that he also wasn’t in a good mindset. His business is doing better and he too is doing better he told me. I asked him why it took him so long and he said he thought I’d hate him even though I believed I was mostly in the wrong. I was really happy because deep down I wanted to try this again. We decided to leave the past behind and start again. We were doing so great, we talked everyday. We talked about important things. I was outside the city so we couldn’t meet. I could’ve drove and so could he but we didn’t because I was busy with work and College exams. He told me about how he wished I wouldn’t transfer to college in another country (I’m doing the process to transfer) and he told me he didn’t want anyone else. He told me he wanted to make this work even if I left. He felt different in a good way and he was trying. of course at some point I started to see our differences and we had disagreements as do any two people. Our goals were aligned and we are attracted to each other but he shows care in a different way, jokes in serious convos and doesn’t want to argue/fight and wants to avoid/dismiss the problems. But this time we were communicating a little better and trying better. (Idk if it’s relevant but he told me he was in a toxic relationship before). It was all great until a week ago. We used to talk every day, say good morning and good night. Even if we were busy. I got all the reassurance I needed and I was happy. Then that stopped as he didn’t go online that often but we still called once a day. And then a few days ago we video chatted as we did a few times before and it was nothing out of the ordinary. Then lights went out where he was so he told me that we would talk later. This was on Friday. I had problems with my charger so Saturday my phone was mostly off, I didn’t contact him. We talked everyday so I expected that he called but I didn’t get a notification that there was an attempt. And there were no texts so I thought okay that’s fine. Sunday morning I called him and he didn’t answer. I thought okay maybe he’s busy and didn’t call the rest of the day. Then I called last night (Monday night) again but he didn’t answer. Of course I thought of the worst case scenario but His sister is online so I don’t think something major has happened. 

 

I’m confused. Shouldn't he at least let me know he’s fine? Am I overthinking this? What do I do.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Nasnas said:

 I was busy with work and College exams. He told me about how he wished I wouldn’t transfer to college in another country .I’m doing the process to transfer.

When is the last time you saw each other in person? It's time to get out of this limbo and delete and block him.

Follow your academic and professional path.

On/off relationships  are fraught with frustration headaches and heartaches.

Generally it's unresolved incompatibilities and conflicts combined with unhealthy attachments and lack of other opportunities.

In this case it is exacerbating your untreated anxiety and depression.

Go to a physician. Take better care of yourself and your physical and mental health.

[MissCanuck]

It doesn't sound like a reconciliation is really in the cards here, OP. 

He was excited for a few weeks and seems to be losing interest again. Don't hold your breath on this one, and certainly don't go changing your educational plan. 

[Batya33]

How much time have you spent in person after his words that he wanted to get back together? I got back together with my ex fiancee years later and our reconciliation was two sentences in person -give or take.  He asked me if I wanted to get back together and I said yes. Then we had a less than 5 minute convo (because when you both want the same things it's easy to discuss and simple) that we both wanted to see if we should get married this time, that we both wanted a family still, very much and that I would likely have to relocate if we married,for his career.  That's all.  We've been together 16 years and married for a dozen or so.  No drama, no real baggage -and importantly -simple, direct and in person. 

Sounds like he was mostly dreaming, musing, making excuses, wanting you to relocate/change your plans for him.  Hmmmmmm

[Kwothe28]

Why you havent seen each other in 3 weeks if it was possible? You were holding up a virtual relationship without even seeing each other. In a situations like that, there is a high probability one side would drift away. Quite possibly when something new opens up.

Also he "ghosted" you. To not answer or call later somebody 2 times even though they tried to make contact with you, is a very rude thing and is leading to ghosting. I wouldnt expect too much out of that one. He shows you how he is by doing that.

[Rose Mosse]

10 hours ago, Nasnas said:

He said he wanted to give it a shot and that he also wasn’t in a good mindset. His business is doing better and he too is doing better he told me.

-

I was outside the city so we couldn’t meet. I could’ve drove and so could he but we didn’t because I was busy with work and College exams.

He told you he wasn’t in a good mindset and he had already dropped the relationship once, was with someone else and still isn’t feeling good? Am I understanding this correctly? Why would you involve yourself with someone who doesn’t feel good consistently about themselves? 

Leave him alone and don’t bother with him. If I had to guess he is struggling and isn’t prepared for a relationship. His may have fallen on bad times with his business, his ex could have called him up and he’s rebounding with you. Whatever this is it’s a distraction for him. Be more careful about letting someone in who has already proven themselves untrustworthy or unable to sustain a relationship. 

[Nasnas]

19 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

He told you he wasn’t in a good mindset and he had already dropped the relationship once, was with someone else and still isn’t feeling good? Am I understanding this correctly? Why would you involve yourself with someone who doesn’t feel good consistently about themselves? 

Leave him alone and don’t bother with him. If I had to guess he is struggling and isn’t prepared for a relationship. His may have fallen on bad times with his business, his ex could have called him up and he’s rebounding with you. Whatever this is it’s a distraction for him. Be more careful about letting someone in who has already proven themselves untrustworthy or unable to sustain a relationship. 

No he said he also was going through stuff which is why we drifted off the first time 

[Nasnas]

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Why you havent seen each other in 3 weeks if it was possible? You were holding up a virtual relationship without even seeing each other. In a situations like that, there is a high probability one side would drift away. Quite possibly when something new opens up.

Also he "ghosted" you. To not answer or call later somebody 2 times even though they tried to make contact with you, is a very rude thing and is leading to ghosting. I wouldnt expect too much out of that one. He shows you how he is by doing that.

I had exams and he was busy too. Is it stupid of me to think that maybe something is up? I’ve cut him out of my life before and I can do it again but without closure wouldn’t it be hard? I mean without knowing the real reason that’s if there is any?

[Nasnas]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

How much time have you spent in person after his words that he wanted to get back together? I got back together with my ex fiancee years later and our reconciliation was two sentences in person -give or take.  He asked me if I wanted to get back together and I said yes. Then we had a less than 5 minute convo (because when you both want the same things it's easy to discuss and simple) that we both wanted to see if we should get married this time, that we both wanted a family still, very much and that I would likely have to relocate if we married,for his career.  That's all.  We've been together 16 years and married for a dozen or so.  No drama, no real baggage -and importantly -simple, direct and in person. 

Sounds like he was mostly dreaming, musing, making excuses, wanting you to relocate/change your plans for him.  Hmmmmmm

We didn’t meet after we talked. We were busy we were going to meet soon though.
 

He didn’t really want me to change my plans he was supportive that’s what makes this so hard. He said we would work on it together. It seemed so real, it’s so confusing. Is it stupid of me to think that something might be the problem and that he has a reason??

[Rose Mosse]

4 minutes ago, Nasnas said:

No he said he also was going through stuff which is why we drifted off the first time 

What makes you think anything has improved at all since the last time he let go or dumped you because he was “going through stuff”? 

Nothing has changed. 

[Nasnas]

4 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

What makes you think anything has improved at all since the last time he let go or dumped you because he was “going through stuff”? 

Nothing has changed. 

I dumped him. I pushed him away and I sabotaged the relationship. And we drifted off after that. 
 

He said that he would have supported me better and worked to make it work if he hadn’t been going through stuff himself. 

 

 

[Nasnas]

6 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

What makes you think anything has improved at all since the last time he let go or dumped you because he was “going through stuff”? 

Nothing has changed. 

My initial thinking was that I learnt how to deal with my anxiety better so it’s a different situation. And he felt different more willing to communicate and work on loving someone with anxiety. I thought the timing was better & we were both better now. But I guess not, idk. 

[Kwothe28]

17 minutes ago, Nasnas said:

Is it stupid of me to think that maybe something is up? I’ve cut him out of my life before and I can do it again but without closure wouldn’t it be hard? I mean without knowing the real reason that’s if there is any?

Well, he is at least "fading away" at this point so something is up.

Dont think you are in need of closure, again, he is fading away or even ghosting so he is choosing to just dissapear himself from whatever reason. You wont get closure there. People like that would rather blame it on you then give you legitimate reason. So, I think it would be kinda pointless. Sometimes we need to find our own closure, sorry.

You tried contacting him twice and he didnt respond. That is just rude and shows where he stands. In the future dont rely on "virtual". As you can see, they can tell you anything one day and fade away next one. If you cant even see somebody, dont pursue it.

[Nasnas]

4 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Well, he is at least "fading away" at this point so something is up.

Dont think you are in need of closure, again, he is fading away or even ghosting so he is choosing to just dissapear himself from whatever reason. You wont get closure there. People like that would rather blame it on you then give you legitimate reason. So, I think it would be kinda pointless. Sometimes we need to find our own closure, sorry.

You tried contacting him twice and he didnt respond. That is just rude and shows where he stands. In the future dont rely on "virtual". As you can see, they can tell you anything one day and fade away next one. If you cant even see somebody, dont pursue it.

I think this is what I needed to hear. Thank you so much 

[smackie9]

Maybe deep down you knew he wasn't right for you, and that's why you responded to him by pushing him away. When your mind is clouded by stress etc, we have trouble seeing the truth. I believe things are done/happen for a reason even if we don't really acknowledge it. 

[Nasnas]

29 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Maybe deep down you knew he wasn't right for you, and that's why you responded to him by pushing him away. When your mind is clouded by stress etc, we have trouble seeing the truth. I believe things are done/happen for a reason even if we don't really acknowledge it. 

I’ve always felt anxious with him, it’s a sign I failed to see unfortunately. I blocked him, it hurts but it’ll get better. I’ll seek help asap. Thank you everyone.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Nasnas said:

We didn’t meet after we talked. We were busy we were going to meet soon though.
 

He didn’t really want me to change my plans he was supportive that’s what makes this so hard. He said we would work on it together. It seemed so real, it’s so confusing. Is it stupid of me to think that something might be the problem and that he has a reason??

People who want to reconcile make time to meet.  One or both of you doesn't really want this badly enough.

[Rose Mosse]

I don't have anxiety or depression and this man irritates me already. I am glad you blocked him. I can't imagine what you've been through trying to get him to be on the same page. Leave him alone and onwards.

[Nasnas]

35 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

I don't have anxiety or depression and this man irritates me already. I am glad you blocked him. I can't imagine what you've been through trying to get him to be on the same page. Leave him alone and onwards.

Ik :(. You might not remember but your advice helped me move on the first time as well so thank you, again. 

[Rose Mosse]

5 minutes ago, Nasnas said:

Ik :(. You might not remember but your advice helped me move on the first time as well so thank you, again. 

Hang in there. Keep focused on yourself and being around people who love and support you. 

[Lambert]

I'm sorry you're hurting but this is a good lesson.  if you read enough of this forum and the problems all kinds of people go through, you'll see a recurring theme. An ex is an ex for a reason. 

Going forward do not be so quick to give a person a 2nd chance. Sure. There will always be exceptions to a rule but those are rare.  

When we take people back, they learn that their needs are more important than ours. That you love them more than you love yourself.  unfortunately it's just human nature. 

Learn to forgive but not allow back in your life. If someone is truly an exception, they will prove it.

This guy proved he is a dime a dozen partner. easy come, easy go. 

Raise your standards and raise your life.

Hang in there.  Heal and don't look back.  eff him.

 

[SooSad33]

Yeah, leave all alone now. Too much stress in this it seems 😕 .

I feel you were both kinda 'excited' again to get chatting etc.. But, in reality.. no go.

Then just be done.  Don't chase .

As mentioned, after the first time & you pulled away, was best to just keep moving on. ( he may also have felt this after your 2nd encounter?).

Anyways, carry on and continue your own life your way with your schooling & goals.  You will meet up with someone sometime again, who will make you feel good in all aspects 😉 .

[Nasnas]

13 hours ago, Lambert said:

I'm sorry you're hurting but this is a good lesson.  if you read enough of this forum and the problems all kinds of people go through, you'll see a recurring theme. An ex is an ex for a reason. 

Going forward do not be so quick to give a person a 2nd chance. Sure. There will always be exceptions to a rule but those are rare.  

When we take people back, they learn that their needs are more important than ours. That you love them more than you love yourself.  unfortunately it's just human nature. 

Learn to forgive but not allow back in your life. If someone is truly an exception, they will prove it.

This guy proved he is a dime a dozen partner. easy come, easy go. 

Raise your standards and raise your life.

Hang in there.  Heal and don't look back.  eff him.

 

I honestly just blamed myself for the breakup, on my mental health & it being not the right time. I completely forgot about the incompatibility and the stress associated with this relationship. I felt nervous around him which was a sign I failed to see. I initiated the break up and I was in awe that he still came back, promising that we could make it work. Even now that I’ve blocked him I’m still confused and it’s hard to even explain the confusion because nobody heard our conversations and lived what I’ve lived. This is hard but I know it’ll get better. Thank you! 
 

eff him ikr 😂

Edited July 6 by Nasnas

[Nasnas]

12 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Yeah, leave all alone now. Too much stress in this it seems 😕 .

I feel you were both kinda 'excited' again to get chatting etc.. But, in reality.. no go.

Then just be done.  Don't chase .

As mentioned, after the first time & you pulled away, was best to just keep moving on. ( he may also have felt this after your 2nd encounter?).

Anyways, carry on and continue your own life your way with your schooling & goals.  You will meet up with someone sometime again, who will make you feel good in all aspects 😉 .

I assumed that I pulled away because of what I was going through, the anxiety and the thoughts that came with it and not because of him or his actions and that I self sabotaged the relationship which is why I wanted to give this a second chance. I basically thought it’s the timing and he hasn’t done anything wrong and that I was still attracted to him. But the truth is that being with him didn’t make me feel good and i also ignored our differences on fundamental issues. I have learnt a lesson and this hurts but I know it’ll get better. Thank you so much 🙂

 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Nasnas said:

Even now that I’ve blocked him I’m still confused and it’s hard to even explain the confusion because nobody heard our conversations and lived what I’ve lived.

But you have to watch the feet- the actions -not the lips -the words -other than someone telling you he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.  Your actions and his speak volumes -you claim to want to reconcile but haven't met in person. Doesn't add up.  You don't have to live what you've lived to know basic common sense.  People who want to be together and are available to be together make it happen.  You two haven't.  Reasons don't matter.