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Today I lost a friendship and a part of me feels like it’s for the best but a part of me is also sad about it. I met this particular friend last year , and early on in the friendship she did something wrong to me but I ended up just forgiving her for it and we moved forward. Early on in the friendship she had talked about moving to a different state , so she wanted to come and see the state I’m in to stay for a couple weeks and see if she would like it . I invited her over to my place since I liked who she was and didn’t think it would be an issue. The first week everything was fine , we got along well and a friendship was forming . There was a guy she liked here , so she asked if the guy could come over and I was ok with it . The guy came over and we all were chilling and talking . I got tired and went to bed and left them alone. The next morning she proceeds to tell me that they had done some things , and I didn’t think much of it I ignored it . A couple weeks go by she invites the guy over again, and this time she doesn’t let me know she just alerts me about it a couple minutes before the guy get here , so I was a little upset because I was just planning to chill so I had a talk with her and told her that next time she plans to invite other guests it would be good if she let me know and she apologized and we got over it . The guy came over and again we were all chilling and talking , and I got tired and proceeded to go to bed . As I was getting ready for bed I hear noises , and come to realize it was them having sex on my couch . I was upset about it because I don’t know this guy and I just thought it was rude and a little disrespectful to get intimate in a living room where you are a guest. I did not go out and confront them because I was shocked but I went ahead and messaged a close friend of mine about the situation , because I didn’t know what to do at that moment. I ended up falling asleep and the next day had a talk with her about the whole situation. Again she apologized and I was trying to be ok with it and just move on from the situation. The other day I happened to make a joke about the whole situation and she got really offended. And while talking I mentioned that I talked the situation out with a different friend. She got really upset and started to say I am talking about her private business to others and I am ***ty friend for doing that. I kept explaining that the situation directly involved me as she had gotten intimate at my apartment and I had a right to consult a friend on the matter . But she kept on saying I am not a friend that can be trusted and I talk about her to others. After that a day passed and she came and got her things from my place and brought me my things . She later sends me a long message saying I am such a terrible person. I am saddened by the end of this friendship because I thought we would have been long term friends 

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3 hours ago, Babe210 said:

She later sends me a long message saying I am such a terrible person.

LOL people like this usually do send a last message telling you off.  I don't even read things like that anymore, because it's just so obvious they're in the wrong and too arrogant/immature to take responsibility and apologize.

I think it's a good loss 🙂. You do not have to be close friends (or living partners) with just anyone. ❤️ 

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I'm sorry.

You've discovered that she wasn't much of a friend to begin with. 

I always look at people with their bad traits outweighing any good in them.  Their bad traits cancel out any good in them. 

You've lost admiration and respect for your friend so let that be your guide telling you that you've made the right decision and you had every right to be angry because she disrespected you in your apartment. 

Like you, I've had several people in my life whom I thought would "grace" my life forever.  Then some bad ________ happened and it all went down the drain.  ________ happens.  All you can do is part ways peacefully and become wiser from this day forward.  That's how I look at it. 

Take good care of yourself and from now on, you'll have more awareness. 

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2 hours ago, Lambert said:

I agree with @Capricorn3

This is a blessing.  

You had every right to talk to your friend about what she did.  if she wants her business private, then she should not be having sex in your living room.  

 

Thank you for your reply! I am trying hard to see it as a good thing but I’m also sad because I thought I was good friend to her I’m not saying I perfect or didn’t make mistakes I did but I didn’t know at the end of it all I would just be told I’m the fake friend. 

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1 hour ago, maritalbliss86 said:

LOL people like this usually do send a last message telling you off.  I don't even read things like that anymore, because it's just so obvious they're in the wrong and too arrogant/immature to take responsibility and apologize.

I think it's a good loss 🙂. You do not have to be close friends (or living partners) with just anyone. ❤️ 

Thank you for your reply! And this is what makes me sad , regardless of anything I just didn’t expect her to call me a ***ty friend , and twist things around. I would have been totally ok with her ending the friendship and just leaving me alone , this is my first time facing a friendship that has ended in such a terrible way , but I am really trying to view it as a good loss 

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4 hours ago, Babe210 said:

Again she apologized and I was trying to be ok with it

This is where you are doing yourself an injustice. 

Stop trying to be okay with people doing crappy things and bulldozing over your boundaries. I am not sure how well you really know this woman (had you ever spent time with her in person before?), but it's pretty clear she is not a great friend and lacks basic respect. 

I would not want her in my life, personally. How did you meet her? 

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36 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

This is where you are doing yourself an injustice. 

Stop trying to be okay with people doing crappy things and bulldozing over your boundaries. I am not sure how well you really know this woman (had you ever spent time with her in person before?), but it's pretty clear she is not a great friend and lacks basic respect. 

I would not want her in my life, personally. How did you meet her? 

I didn’t know her that well , I knew her from a friend of a friend , and we did not get close at first . But I started getting close to her when she visited my other friend and that was when she had talked about coming back to visit the current state I’m in and because she didn’t seem bad, she was actually nice .  I was ok with her staying at my place when she visited . And before allowing her to stay at my place no I hadn’t spent any personal time like one on one.   She just seemed ok and regardless of not knowing her that well I saw the chance to get to know her and form a friendship by agreeing for her to stay over as she explored the state Im in. 

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I would just like to add: She sounds like she just wanted to come to see that guy she met probably prior to that. And that moving to your state was just an excuse. They meet and conviniently have a place to have sex. So, its not such a big loss. You shouldnt offer in a first place if you didnt know her good enough.

Also, I am curious

5 hours ago, Babe210 said:

early on in the friendship she did something wrong to me but I ended up just forgiving her for it and we moved forward.

What did she do? Was it about some other guy?

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She overstayed her welcome. People who are willing to do that are often users, and the moment you don't comply well enough with HOW they want to use you, they'll flip the table and make you out to be a villain.

Good riddance.

Head high, and explore ways to make friends closer to home where you can live separately and respect one another's limits.

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On 7/4/2022 at 8:17 PM, Babe210 said:

Today I lost a friendship and a part of me feels like it’s for the best but a part of me is also sad about it. I met this particular friend last year , and early on in the friendship she did something wrong to me but I ended up just forgiving her for it and we moved forward. Early on in the friendship she had talked about moving to a different state , so she wanted to come and see the state I’m in to stay for a couple weeks and see if she would like it . I invited her over to my place since I liked who she was and didn’t think it would be an issue. The first week everything was fine , we got along well and a friendship was forming . There was a guy she liked here , so she asked if the guy could come over and I was ok with it . The guy came over and we all were chilling and talking . I got tired and went to bed and left them alone. The next morning she proceeds to tell me that they had done some things , and I didn’t think much of it I ignored it . A couple weeks go by she invites the guy over again, and this time she doesn’t let me know she just alerts me about it a couple minutes before the guy get here , so I was a little upset because I was just planning to chill so I had a talk with her and told her that next time she plans to invite other guests it would be good if she let me know and she apologized and we got over it . The guy came over and again we were all chilling and talking , and I got tired and proceeded to go to bed . As I was getting ready for bed I hear noises , and come to realize it was them having sex on my couch . I was upset about it because I don’t know this guy and I just thought it was rude and a little disrespectful to get intimate in a living room where you are a guest. I did not go out and confront them because I was shocked but I went ahead and messaged a close friend of mine about the situation , because I didn’t know what to do at that moment. I ended up falling asleep and the next day had a talk with her about the whole situation. Again she apologized and I was trying to be ok with it and just move on from the situation. The other day I happened to make a joke about the whole situation and she got really offended. And while talking I mentioned that I talked the situation out with a different friend. She got really upset and started to say I am talking about her private business to others and I am ***ty friend for doing that. I kept explaining that the situation directly involved me as she had gotten intimate at my apartment and I had a right to consult a friend on the matter . But she kept on saying I am not a friend that can be trusted and I talk about her to others. After that a day passed and she came and got her things from my place and brought me my things . She later sends me a long message saying I am such a terrible person. I am saddened by the end of this friendship because I thought we would have been long term friends 

1. I think she was trying to deflect from the fact that she overstepped her bounds at your apartment,  so she then made you out to be the bad guy. 

2. Friends talk about each other to each other. I think it's natural. You were upset and needed to tell someone. She isn't a great friend for walking away over that. She wasn't that good of a friend to begin with. 

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This "friendship" ending was definitely for the best. From what you described, this girl has no boundaries with you. It's your place, and she technically has no right to bring the guy over without asking, let alone have ***ing sex on your freakin couch. Don't give into her bull*** about you not respecting her privacy, she was in the wrong, and you have every right to give advice from someone else. Just take it as a lesson learnt and to immediately say something next time if this does happen again with someone else. You need to make it clear that your boundaries cannot be overstepped

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