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Trust issues? I think so.


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I have realized, after 4 years of living with my boyfriend that he continues on keeping things from me. Whether related to his kids, things he buys or conversations he has with his family, I find out later on and he tells me he had already told me. I am not stupid and I know I would remember if he told me he bought his son a car even though he tells me we cannot go out to eat or make home repairs because things are tight. I found this out when looking in his nightstand for the TV remotes and found the document from the loan company that names him as the loan owner. I cannot tell him I found the document because he will think I was going through his things which to be honest at this point, it would be reasonable considering the amount of things he has hidden from me.  I consider myself an open book and now I think it has been a mistake. I am tired of feeling that I am out of the loop. He says he doesn't tell me because i rip his head off. Not true since he has not given me the chance to actually rip his head off.

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5 minutes ago, Wrong decisions said:

I have realized, after 4 years of living with my boyfriend that he continues on keeping things from me. Whether related to his kids, things he buys or conversations he has with his family, I find out later on and he tells me he had already told me. I am not stupid and I know I would remember if he told me he bought his son a car even though he tells me we cannot go out to eat or make home repairs because things are tight. I found this out when looking in his nightstand for the TV remotes and found the document from the loan company that names him as the loan owner. I cannot tell him I found the document because he will think I was going through his things which to be honest at this point, it would be reasonable considering the amount of things he has hidden from me.  I consider myself an open book and now I think it has been a mistake. I am tired of feeling that I am out of the loop. He says he doesn't tell me because i rip his head off. Not true since he has not given me the chance to actually rip his head off.

Maybe he has no head already. 

In all seriousness, do you see this relationship going anywhere?

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23 minutes ago, Wrong decisions said:

I have realized, after 4 years of living with my boyfriend that he continues on keeping things from me

Whose place is it? Do you co-own, co-lease or is it your place or his? You need to move out/ask him to get out.

He's deceitful. He lies to control things and keep you in a last-to-know, need-to-know darkness in order to take advantage and maintain control. He does not want to act like a couple. He does not want you involved in decisions.

Hopefully you do not have joint accounts or share passwords. Sever yourself from this. 

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Maybe he is uncertain for a few reasons.

He may feel he'll pipe up on a 'need to know' basis.  Meaning he'll inform you about things only when he feels he should. As for the car purchase, he may feel it's basically between him & his son. ( not you), so left you out of that.

Another concern, is how he views you.  For him to say something like that to you ' if he did tell you, you'd rip his head off'.  😕  So, do you think he see's you as overbearing? Or is afraid of your response, due to past issue's? ( therefore, will just avoid communicating with you...).

I was involved with someone a few yrs ago who did whatever he wanted. So, no, I was never a part of his 'decision making'.

I would reconsider remaining involved with him if this is how you feel with him.. that, or have a good heart to heart and actually sit down & discuss your issue's.. And see IF you two are able to work through this problem, as it seems, it is causing 'trust' issue's for you.

 

 

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How old are his kids - do they live with you (the son who has the car -is he a teenager?) - do you two have marriage plans and if not what is your purpose in living together - is it the same reasons for each of you?  Sounds like you two are not on the same wavelength generally.

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