Did I just "win" the NC battle? Now what?

[quing]

It's the loss of trust and how people conduct themselves during the break up that ruin the chances of getting back together

 

I hear you loud and clear on that one, I would take my ex back in an instant if it was not for the way it ended. Now she has attempted to get close to me since in the last 6 weeks with out saying too much but I have just pushed her away and cut her dead at every attempt.

Can't help myself.

[DragonGirl724]

my oh my...and its on the 3rd page already. lol well for one thanks Roy is a hottie it looks like, from her pic.

 

im flattered thank you.

 

and second i agree that the mystique of 'not knowing' and how it can drive a person's interests A LITTLE FURTHER. BUT THATS ALL IT CAN DO. but i know i can speak from personal experice as can others here that there are just some relationships that you dont pine over...some that you are just so grateful that they are over & you wish not to even ponder another second on that person or point in your life...a love form which you have moved on from.

 

as for the clice' "absense makes the heart grow fonder.."

 

id like to replace it with...."Absense diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind blows out candles and fans fire."

- François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld

 

SO BASICALLY! what that says is that if it IS a true love a mutual mature love then yes absense can rekindle old flames IF IT IS PRESENT IN THE HEARTS OF BOTH PARTIES!

but if all it was, was a mediocre love, a one way love, or a love that cant be fixed or undesired to be replenished...then absense will do nothing. i feel that quote by Rochefoucauld really explains it best.

 

sometimes you just got to leave it as that; SILENCE IS THE LOUDEST PARTING WORDS YOU NEVER SAY....

 

and just have to move on.

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

oh and Quing, you TOTALLY BROKE NC WITH ME! you replying to my posts, is in a way indirectly talking to me and thereforeeee NC has been broken by you. "i win".

 

didja break NC b/c you missed me or just because you couldnt possibly go on to live another day without hearing from me?

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

you know what i was just thinking....all this NO CONTACT, this LINE OF COMMUNICATION SEVERED, this uncertainty or not knowing what the other person is thinking...(its a real shame we arent ALL mind readers )...dude, if it bothers you THAT much just ask her..be like...why did you call me?

 

i think instead of beating around the bush & over thinking what she MAY BE THINKING etc...is so POINTLESS.

 

YOU WANT TO KNOW...?

 

ASK!

 

-DG724

[Royltnxile]

Possibly I will just ask her DG 8)

 

However, the "not knowing" is kind of fun now that I have kind of let her go and I'm not sitting around desperately hoping for her return nowadays. Know what I mean? It's like it's kind of a game.

 

I feel I have done the right things with her all along, since the break up. In fact, I always thought deep down in my heart that she will reappear at some point. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. Just have to see what happens.

 

But by asking her is cutting the rug out from under the whole thing...it removes all vestige of "mystery and challenge", which are two things that I want to convey towards her by my lack of availability.

 

Oh, your quote is really good. I like it.

 

When do you want to come to Illinois and go boating with me this summer? I would guess you look good in a bikini DG.

[DragonGirl724]

lol thanks Roy. boating is always a good time but illonois isnt on my agenda this summer. hehehe plus i dont think illinois can handle a dragongirl anyway. lol

 

if you like this not knowing then lol sit back & enjoy it b/c the mystery will be there until you ask.

 

have a good one. glad you liked the quote.

 

-DG724

[quing]

oh and Quing, you TOTALLY BROKE NC WITH ME! you replying to my posts, is in a way indirectly talking to me and thereforeeee NC has been broken by you. "i win".

 

didja break NC b/c you missed me or just because you couldnt possibly go on to live another day without hearing from me?

 

Hmm, so I couldn't possibly go on to live another day without hearing from you you say? You really would like that wouldn't ya? aw bless your little heart, now don't you get above your station too much by reading into things wrong now young lady.

I know maybe you would like to think that I was indirectly talking to you by talking to others in saying I was in NC with you, but... hey wait a second, what by the beard of Zeus am I doing now???? bah, you tricked me.

[quing]

I really think though Royltnxile if an ex really wants you back then they will really show it.

A friend of mine had his ex try to run us off the road some years back when we were driving back from a club late one night.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

NC as a tool to get someone back is like trying to hammer in a nail with a sword. Sure, sometimes you'll hammer the nail in, but you're more likely to just hurt yourself. ----

 

Oh I agree you will most often get hurt by NC if you use it specifically with the intentions of getting them back without trying to get over them at least a little.

Cuz NC affects both parties at least a little when the emotions are shared and you get your hopes up.

You have to be dettached and return with good presentation. You can't admit your feelings because then they will know they can still come back to you anytime they want.

 

 

 

there are just some relationships that you dont pine over...some that you are just so grateful that they are over & you wish not to even ponder another second on that person or point in your life...a love form which you have moved on from. ---

 

I agree with that lady.

[quing]

I think going NC is better than having your nose rubbed in stuff everyday, and yes if they did love you and it was a real case of just taking you for granted then It can have the effect to make the dumper start to pine.

[sadgirl_april]

It's the loss of trust and how people conduct themselves during the break up that ruin the chances of getting back together

 

 

I hear you loud and clear on that one, I would take my ex back in an instant if it was not for the way it ended. Now she has attempted to get close to me since in the last 6 weeks with out saying too much but I have just pushed her away and cut her dead at every attempt.

Can't help myself.

 

Why? I don't understand. Can somebody explain? People break up because they don't love each other or don't want to be with each other. What does it to do with the way people conduct themselves during the break up?

[quing]

Why? I don't understand. Can somebody explain? People break up because they don't love each other or don't want to be with each other. What does it to do with the way people conduct themselves during the break up?

 

That is not necessarily true, My ex said she loved me to pieces when we broke up and the thing is she was acting very confused because she kept coming back to kiss and hug me and she was visibly upset about the whole thing, yet she still wanted to go on a date with an older ugly married man with children?? I felt the same; I was in love with her but previously before she had raised the issue of splitting I myself was thinking of dumping her although I did love her. And now I see all the people I had the hots for are not as attractive as they were when I was with her.

 

It is just after 6 years your feelings of love and attraction are hard to understand and you can feel yourself drawn to other people because of the familiarity with the one you really love.

 

It's not until you are apart you can really feel and see what you had and realise that you really do not have these feelings for anyone else.

 

But it is the way the relationship ended that makes the break more complicated and harder to forgive. It should be a straight clean break.

I knew this at the time and pleaded with her to date other people later on but do not leave me to date with somone, because I knew how her feelings would change up the road.

Now last time I saw her 3 weeks ago she was pleading with me to hug and kiss her and then for me to keep in touch which I cannot??

 

This thing about conduct, well if you ever read my original post of the break up you can see through all the confusion of the break, she was trying to rub my face in it because I did not run after her and beg, she instantly turned to trying to make me jealous and said some pretty awful things to get me to show a reaction.

It still hurts now a lot now, especially how someone you trusted can turn from being a very good dedicated loving person to the one who is against you at a drop of a hat.

People can always hurt the ones they love, it works the same with members of your own family, Brothers, Sisters, Mothers and Fathers.

 

Just look at how teenagers treat and talk to their parents for example. Do they really wish their parents were dead?

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Quin very insightful.

[Royltnxile]

Hi everyone. Okay, the replies on here, and on a few other boards I participate in are way in favor of my following this course of action. I agree with it. Here is a post I'm going to paste in from another board because I think it concisely states what is going on in my situation.

 

 

 

I just liked this post so thought I would share!

[DragonGirl724]

i just dont understand you use "NC" to make them "miss you"....well sorry but once they HAVE YOU AGAIN whats to miss???

 

...then back to the same old crap.

 

blah, after break up, dont dwell on it, go about your life & start your new life w/o the person in it. best possible solution.

 

-DG724

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Dragon that's nice in theory rather than practice. Obviously people begin to really miss the person and desperately want them back. Plus, there are break ups that get back together. God my mom and step dad broke up probably a million times before they married.

[DragonGirl724]

NB,

 

lol u dont have to tell me i was like that once before. but its a habit that CAN be broken if you put in enough strength & not find comfort in misery and false hopes. and instead just utilize that energy positivly & invest it in yourself.

 

-DG724

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Dragon, once more, nice in theory. You are really young (and No I am not being patronizing, I am really young too, hardly much older) I mention that because it means because you are young chances are high you will do exactly what you say you don't do anymore again in your life if you don't find someone who works out (unless your a swinger but that's diff) in this or the next relationship.

[DragonGirl724]

NB,

 

age plays no role. i know ive learned my lesson. i never got so bent about an ex before, not even the one i lost to a drunk driver, like i did that one guy. i let him screw with my head & i became so dependant on him...which post breakup shattered my world & i became obsessed for a little while about getting him back. well, a lesson learned. not everyone will repeat a mistake like that again. and in all probability theory, the chances are high for a repeated mistake just by statistics, but there are just some mistakes people dont make again. and when that happens, they arent mistakes any longer, they are lessons. and if you were smart youd learn from them & prevent them from ever happening again...

 

at least thats just how i work.

 

-DG724

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Dragon I am just suggesting that by the nature of infatuation everybody get's hung up on an ex.

Who knows, maybe you will or already have the one you will marry and stay married to and won't have to even deal with this possibility again. I just think it's hard to predict that since you have such a long life to live still. Love makes people soooo idealistic, and your IQ drops 50 pts.

Plus of course, NC isn't enough to get somebody back or make somebody love you. But people do tend to want the people who get over them the most.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Or in my case my IQ dropped 150 pts which would have put me at a measely 150.

[DragonGirl724]

Plus of course, NC isn't enough to get somebody back or make somebody love you. But people do tend to want the people who get over them the most.

 

true. but maybe next time that happens ill be on the opposite side of the spectrum. hehehe .

 

-DG724

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Dragon I am dyin' with curiosity. What happened?

[quing]

Dragon, once more, nice in theory. You are really young (and No I am not being patronizing, I am really young too, hardly much older) I mention that because it means because you are young chances are high you will do exactly what you say you don't do anymore again in your life if you don't find someone who works out (unless your a swinger but that's diff) in this or the next relationship.

 

 

I think age and experiance does play a role, Try having 4 long term relationships under your belt where you have spent and devoted a lot of time to get to know one another, and then think to yourself is it me, should I have to start all over again simply with someone else because it ended the first time round and I am too damn proud to give it a second chance?

People make mistakes, I have before, I have cheated on the one I loved and it eat me up big time, I felt like sh*t. She still does not know and I am not going to tell her, what would it achieve, this it is my own cross to bare. I will not do it again either.

 

Because the relationship ended once there is no reason to right it off.

The trick is not to end up in a position where you have no respect and you end up being treated like cr*p.

There are many reasons a long term relationship can end, it is not the end of the world. If there was no arguing or physical abuse and you simply took each other for granted then feelings can return when there has been time apart.

 

I knew someone who split up for two months from a 5 year relationship only to get back together for another 5 years, they are still together now.

Should they have written it off as someone is suggeting here?

 

Relationships should be mutual respect, sometimes we hurt the ones we love, just the same as a teenager will tell their parents that they 'wish they were dead' in an argument.

 

No offence, I knew the world inside out when I was 21 too, Now I can see how damn unpredictable it really is and how nothing is really just black and white.

[quing]

Yes Royltnxile that is handy info, I have just had a call at 8.05 am today from my ex, she did ring for long???? and also it is a very strange random time to call, as I am leaving for work.

She has text me at the time before weeks ago however asking for a drink which I did not answer her on and then she followed it with an email to check that I had recived the text..

We have not been in contact for 3 weeks and we broke up 6 weeks ago.

 

The last time we spoke she was pleading with me to call her and wanting a hug and I said what is the point now and I do not do friends with ex's before I biked off into the sunset.

 

I think she is looking for a way to get close to me with out saying she made a mistake so then she can make out that she can leave at anytime.

And also check whether she has made the right decision by leaving.

I must not let her get too close to me, I should make her desire me by being mysterious by not being around much. curiosity is eating her up I know for sure. When you withdraw yourself from the market the your value goes up. People want what they cannot have.

Well this is my presumption from all the signals anyway.

If I acted like I wanted her and needed her and cannot live with out her then my value will be worthless.

The longer I can politly keep her at arms reach and make her do all the work the more she will want.

I have 6 years emotional bond and memories over anyone else. She can run from them, but she can not hide from them and she has already tried to talk about them memories in a favourable light.

 

 

I sent a little email two and a half weeks ago just saying her remainding personal belongings are ready for her to collect along with her mail.

And she is 5 weeks over due for handing my house key back which she made such a big point of saying she will drop off.

 

I know she wants me to call, it will make her look good in front of her friends and also feel wanted, I did not beg when she left, I quickly chose reverse phychology and encouraged her to carry on and even offered her our concert tickets to take her date on.

 

This rattled her at the time, because she tried very hard to make me jealous.

 

So I am going to follow this advice, it is strange, we have email, she has emailed to tell me stuff before. She wants to hear my voice I know.

 

She has to earn her meal ticket with me, justto take up some of my precious time. She chose to run, not me.