Jump to content

did i make the right choice


Maddy684
 Share

Recommended Posts

Me and my ex had been dating for 5 years. He was with me and supported me through my really bad depressive episodes. He was very supportive and caring. But, there was this feeling in my gut that he wasn’t the one that keeps coming to me. I ignored it because I formed this co-dependency on him. After a while, I started losing interest in him sexually. And our sex life had been non-existent for 2 years. He didn’t care as much about that and was still supportive. When I moved near him and started a job, *** hit the fan. He would yell and explode on me when I wouldn’t be able to fulfill my own goals. I realized that our only conversations were about goals and future. I started to get afraid of him and also really dissatisfied with the relationship. Overall, he was a great guy and my friends and fam said I probably won’t get another man like him. I don’t know if I made the right choice by breaking up? Oddly enough, I am losing motivation for my goals in life with him not around…. I don’t know what to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well you dated 5 yrs, so this will make an impact for sure 😕 . You just need to learn how to do it on your own.  Which is possible!

I would not want to spend my life around someone like him either.. No one needs to feel so small with having a partner explode on them!  That will wear you down 😕 .

Just be easy on yourself for a while.  As you work on all of your thoughts & emotions, accepting all that has happened and get back to good.  In time, it will 🙂 .  You will come to see you did right, ad you didn't need that behaviour around you.

 

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some people will push us through to be better. My Grandma described those people as "pushers". Somebody that does care enough to push you through even if you dont feel like it. Your boyfriend seems like one of those people. As he is gone, its natural that your motivation is low. As there is nobody to push you through when you dont feel like doing it. 

Anyway, despite that, I think you can do better than somebody who was yelling at you. You seem to lost interest a long time ago and stayed just because of that support. Which is a bad decision for you. So dont question that choice. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, Maddy684 said:

he was a great guy and my friends and fam said I probably won’t get another man like him.

Do they know about these things? 

5 hours ago, Maddy684 said:

our sex life had been non-existent for 2 years.

5 hours ago, Maddy684 said:

He would yell and explode on me when I wouldn’t be able to fulfill my own goals.

5 hours ago, Maddy684 said:

I started to get afraid of him

Because that doesn't sound like a "great guy" to me. I see not choice but to have broken up. This relationship wasn't working. Don't worry about what your friends and family think. They didn't date him and don't know what goes on behind closed doors. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your friends and family only saw the one side of him, not the guy behind closed doors. I'm sure if they knew the extent of how he actually treated you they would want to see him go. And to be honest, you need to stop caring what others think. Once you do that things will get easier. You will be OK.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, Maddy684 said:

He would yell and explode on me   -  I started to get afraid of him and also really dissatisfied with the relationship.

You did the right thing by breaking up.  Any time someone is afraid of their partner, that's your cue to get out and stay out.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, Maddy684 said:

 I started to get afraid of him and also really dissatisfied with the relationship.  my friends and fam said I probably won’t get another man like him.

The first step is going to a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist. Stay on top of the mood disorder. Prioritize your physical and mental health.

Surely your friends and family do not support being with an angry abusive man, unless you didn't tell them you're afraid of him?

Your indecisiveness and ruminating about breaking up could be related to untreated/under treated depression.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
16 hours ago, Maddy684 said:

But, there was this feeling in my gut that he wasn’t the one that keeps coming to me. I ignored it because I formed this co-dependency on him.

You chose to ignore it because you chose to depend on him too much knowing you didn't love, respect, and admire him in the way a romantic, committed partner should. 

I agree you did the right thing particularly since he was acting in an abusive way. He probably was frustrated with how he allowed himself to be used but also of course he should not react by acting in an abusive way.

Edited by Batya33
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Listen to your gut instincts because they're always right.

Don't listen to your family.  Do what is right for you which is the right choice.

If he's a red flag, he's a red flag for a reason.  Take heed. 

Take responsibility for your own motivation and goals for your future.  Do what is best for your life.  Make your decisions based upon you; not him nor anyone else.

Edited by Cherylyn
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/30/2022 at 7:25 PM, Maddy684 said:

He would yell and explode on me .... I started to get afraid of him and also really dissatisfied with the relationship.

This is all you need to know. Your friends and family aren't living your private love life for you, so they don't get a vote.

You did the right thing, and you'll set new goals for yourself when you are ready.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/30/2022 at 4:25 PM, Maddy684 said:

Me and my ex had been dating for 5 years. He was with me and supported me through my really bad depressive episodes. He was very supportive and caring. But, there was this feeling in my gut that he wasn’t the one that keeps coming to me. I ignored it because I formed this co-dependency on him. After a while, I started losing interest in him sexually. And our sex life had been non-existent for 2 years. He didn’t care as much about that and was still supportive. When I moved near him and started a job, *** hit the fan. He would yell and explode on me when I wouldn’t be able to fulfill my own goals. I realized that our only conversations were about goals and future. I started to get afraid of him and also really dissatisfied with the relationship. Overall, he was a great guy and my friends and fam said I probably won’t get another man like him. I don’t know if I made the right choice by breaking up? Oddly enough, I am losing motivation for my goals in life with him not around…. I don’t know what to do.

It sounds like an anger management issue he has if he’s yelling and exploding. No one ever should be yelling and exploding at you. That is absolutely piss poor ability to stay calm while things are not going his way. Stay away from people like this as you’re just another punching bag for their rage issues. 

Once you’re walking on eggshells it’s difficult to turn back time and see a person differently. Your family knows nothing about the real him behind closed doors; stop listening to people who know nothing about the truth. 

He does not sound like a great guy. Move on. You did the right thing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...