Ex showing up at coffee shop

[Superstickyone]

Ex has been conveniently waiting at a coffee shop 3 x now over a 3 week period.  What's weird is he hasn't called or texted.  It's a bit odd.  I go to this shop before work every morning.  We broke up last year.

I politely say hi and smile, so does he but nothing else happens. No text or call.

What does he want and why would a guy do this instead of sending a text?

I'm not interested in getting back together with him BTW.

 

 

 

[Cherylyn]

Perhaps he's trying to get a reaction from you, wants to make you nervous or uncomfortable. 

Since you frequent the coffee shop, continue what you've been doing.  Act natural.  If he's been saying 'hi,' then say, 'hi' and smile if you wish.  If he ignores you, then do likewise. 

If you're receiving a weird vibe from him, ignore him, go about your business and leave for work. 

 

[melancholy123]

You could ask him why he's doing this then you'd know.  My guess is he is trying to annoy you.

[Superstickyone]

I thought about asking him why he's showing up here.  But would I get an honest answer?  

About annoying me - why would he appear after a year just to make me uncomfortable?  I don't plan on over thinking it too much.  It also felt a tad creepy.  Like stalking a bit 

 

[Jaunty]

Yep, sounds creepy.   Ask him to find a different coffee shop.

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, Superstickyone said:

I thought about asking him why he's showing up here.  But would I get an honest answer?  

About annoying me - why would he appear after a year just to make me uncomfortable?  I don't plan on over thinking it too much.  It also felt a tad creepy.  Like stalking a bit 

 

Definitely creepy.  Best to ignore.

[MissCanuck]

Why did you break up?

[Kwothe28]

Maybe he likes coffee there? 

If he is going out of his way to be there, that is worrysome. If it is on his way to work or something, I wouldnt read too much into it, just continue normally with your life.

[SooSad33]

3 times over a 3 wk period.

Well, it is a coffee shop.  He's allowed.

Nice of you to be kind enough to say Hi.  I know an ex around town to frequents a coffee shop. I just avoid and get coffee elsewhere. Is your choice I guess.

Can you change coffee shops - or do you hang out there w/friends often? ( You say is just to get coffee before work- of that is it and he makes you uneasy, I say go elswhere).. If he shows up there, I'd be bothered for sure.

 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

  I go to this shop before work every morning.  We broke up last year.

I politely say hi and smile, so does he but nothing else happens. No text or call.

It sounds like he wants coffee, not contact or reconciliation.

Why do you want him to contact you?

Of course, you could go to another place... if you wanted to.

It's clear you haven't deleted or blocked him, otherwise you wouldn't still be waiting for a call or text.

You can't tell people where to get their coffee.

[melancholy123]

11 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

I thought about asking him why he's showing up here.  But would I get an honest answer?  

About annoying me - why would he appear after a year just to make me uncomfortable?  I don't plan on over thinking it too much.  It also felt a tad creepy.  Like stalking a bit 

 

Who knows?  You want know unless you ask.  Nobody here knows him so we cant tell you why he's doing this, we can only guess.

Yeah it is creepy, but if you ask him why he's doing this maybe he'll answer you and then he'll go away.

 

[tattoobunnie]

Time to invest in a coffee maker, and make your own coffee, and only go there as a once in a while treat.  Budget and avoid creepy ex problem solved.  At least do it for a few weeks, till they get the hint.

[HeartGoesOn]

Since you're not interested in getting back together, why try to analyze his intentions?  You have many options to avoid running into him, yet it appears you're trying to get his attention, rather than avoiding it, (imo).

On the other hand, why leave a door open, and allow him acsess to contact you?  This is JMO, and not intended to sound harsh.

[Superstickyone]

I'm not trying to get his attention at all.  I have a routine when I go to that shop during breaks and after work. All of a sudden after a year he's suddenly there when I am.  Sure he can go wherever he wants but he's actually standing there at the window looking out (not at a table or even holding coffee in his hand!!).

It feels somewhat stalker like behavior.  I told him I didn't want to date him anymore last year, that's why things ended.

I feel uncomfortable with him "hanging around" there.  I prefer not to engage by asking what he wants either.  

I can surely visit at different times but my schedule is rather fixed and the current visit times are most convenient for me.

 

 

 

 

 

[melancholy123]

How much does this really bug you?  Or are you just curious as to his motive?  If you were really bothered you'd go elsewhere so I assume you are more curious than anything.

[Rose Mosse]

He may be meeting someone there, as in someone else. Or using it to sell off his stuff on Facebook marketplace. JK. Seriously, who knows. We do not know. You should ask him and make small talk. It’s not a big deal. 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

I feel uncomfortable with him "hanging around" there.  I prefer not to engage by asking what he wants either.  

Agree. It's not your coffee shop so it's not your place to interrogate him as to what he's doing there.

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps to start.

Then, find another place to go for breaks and coffee.

 

[catfeeder]

How many coffee shops are in the area? If none, then this could be a new pattern of meeting someone else there. That would be unfortunate for you, because there are no other coffee shops.

If there are other coffee shops, change your location for a while. Learn whether, if you stop showing up there, he stops going there after a week or two.

If you believe that he's possibly dangerous, consider changing your schedule or location--or both as a proactive safety measure.

I hope you'll let us know how things turn out.

[Superstickyone]

I don't think he's dangerous but a bit stalkerish yes.  Most exes would text wouldn't they?  Showing up where they know you will be is confusing.  Like- what does he want?  Perhaps it's game playing, attention seeking who knows!  I don't want to get back with him or hang out.  Seeing him standing there right in my face with a big smile made my stomach churn.

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

 Most exes would text wouldn't they?  

Not if you have deleted and blocked them.  Why haven't you done this?

He is not technically "stalking" you. He's going to a place of business, not following you, not contacting you, not showing up at your house or workplace.

You're overreacting. Why not change up your routine if running into an ex upsets you this much?

[Jaunty]

Yes, you are overreacting.  Stop getting your coffee there.  Go someplace else.  If he starts showing up there, if I were in your position, I would walk up to him, say "hi," and ask him if it's a coincidence that he is appearing in your hangouts.   That will probably be enough to put him off of it if he's low-key stalking you.  

You're definitely giving him way too much space in your head and life.

[smackie9]

It might be nothing and he's just getting coffee. It's possible he lives in the area and his obvious choice would be to go to a place he is familiar with. Get your coffee somewhere else if it bothers you to see him.