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Was she fishing?


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Hey guys, I am a male in my 30’s and single with a 9 year old daughter. I have been single for 4 years since my ex fiance and I broke up. I haven’t had a relationship or even a date really since then. The lack of a significant other has taken a toll on my self esteem. Also, my ex hurt me a lot and I’m pretty damaged as a result. We were together a long time and since we were very young. 

on to the story.. I have been working with a woman for several years that I have developed strong feelings for. Our working relationship has been riddled with flirtation and off the charts sexual tension(or at least I think so) because I am terrible at reading this sort of situation. Women don’t really show interest in me, so maybe it is just wishful thinking on my part. 

The issue that stands is that she is married. While our working relationship has never crossed into inappropriate territory, a conversation we had last week did cause me some pause. Her and I do talk about personal things at times. I have confided her about being lonely and wanting a relationship. She confessed to me last week during one of our conversations that her marriage was not good at all and hadn’t been for quite some time. She told me that she was on the verge of divorce. She also did add that she believes I will find the right women and said women would be one lucky lady. 
 

to he honest, I didn’t think much of it at the time as she is such a kind person that says stuff like that often.  Yesterday, I was telling my sister about this in the context of another conversation and she was wanting to know the details. I told my sister the whole story and she proceeded to tell me that this woman was most definitely fishing. I was quite shocked, but my sister pointed out that I am terrible at picking up on these things and reading between lines. 

While I’m not the kind of guy to come between a marriage, could my sister possibly be right? Was she fishing or am reading too much into it, making it something it wasn’t? 

Edited by crm1987
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I think you should put it right out of your mind. She's married, you have strong feelings for her, and you're lonely. It's a recipe for disaster. If I were you, I'd stop having conversations with her about relationships.

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15 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I think you should put it right out of your mind. She's married, you have strong feelings for her, and you're lonely. It's a recipe for disaster. If I were you, I'd stop having conversations with her about relationships.

^ I second this post.  Married means hands off. She's taken. Not your place to get involved. Find someone single and unattached.  This one is not for you.

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Cheaters marriages are always "on the verge of divorce".  Please dont fall for that line. If she wants something, she wants affair. You havent had aybody for a while, but dont meddle into that waters.

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5 hours ago, crm1987 said:

could my sister possibly be right? Was she fishing

At the end of the day, does it really matter? 

If we say yes, what does that change? She's not available to you. Don't even bother going there, and don't entertain any notion that she might like you. It will get messy. 

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6 hours ago, crm1987 said:

I haven’t had a relationship or even a date really since then. The lack of a significant other has taken a toll on my self esteem. Also, my ex hurt me a lot and I’m pretty damaged as a result.

Remember this... and no , never get in the middle of a marriage.

Back off, stop the flirtation and do your work - It is your workplace.  Leave it like that.

Push it with this woman and you may very well end up with some deep regrets and feeling even worse 😕 .

So, how about you focus on yourself for a while more - work on your issue's and get your own self straightened around more. - before you consider dating again.

 

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7 hours ago, crm1987 said:

 off the charts sexual tension(or at least I think so

The issue that stands is that she is married. 

Be polite and professional at work. It's ok to have a crush but that's all it is.

The workplace is not a singles club or dating site.

If you wish to start dating, you'll have to resolve some of the ex baggage and get on dating apps to find single women. 

Consider joining some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses.

Perhaps seek out single mothers when you are ready to date.

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If she comes to you in a few years when her divorce has been finalized for at least a year and wants to date -or you happen to still be in contact casually like through Linkedin and you know she is divorced for at least a year then consider taking her on a date.  Also understand that she might not have solid values about loyalty since she is married and is playing with fire with you.

Also what is so kind about her if she's willing to put you in this awkward position at work and she's married??

Edited by Batya33
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16 hours ago, crm1987 said:

working with a woman...she is married.

This is a DOUBLE NOPE.  Have a sister, cousins, best friend, take photos of you, and get yourself a paid dating subscription.  Do not break your dry spell with a woman with this many strings attached.

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19 hours ago, crm1987 said:

While I’m not the kind of guy to come between a marriage, could my sister possibly be right? Was she fishing or am reading too much into it, making it something it wasn’t? 

To answer your original question, no, I didn't think she was "fishing". What does that even mean? Looking for a sidepiece or someone to have a fling with? That didn't sound the case to me at all. She sounds hurt and confused, likely exceedingly vulnerable and wanted someone to confide in but it didn't sound like she was interested in having sex with you or being in a relationship with you. 

Since you are not the kind of guy to "come between a marriage" none of this matters. Limit your time with her anyway and refer her to therapy or professional guidance or marriage counselling whenever she brings up her personal issues or marriage at work. Keep your conversations about work only and change the subject if she talks about herself or personal life.

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Leave her alone, dude.  She married, happily or not.  Besides, she may hit you with a sexual harassment charge one day if you get involved with her. Again, married or not.  Be professional in the workplace and don't encourage her.  

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Use some dating apps and take your focus outside the workplace. Meet a bunch of women for coffee and see if there's chemistry with any of them. It will keep you busy and out of trouble.

You're a Dad supporting a child--don't mess up your work life.

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