Trying to move on and feeling that it isnt my fault

[mnuttster]

Hi, me again, I just reciently was broken up with for the final time with my ex of about 3 yrs. we broke up numerous times and have been engaged before and such, but this time about a month ago it seems to be final in her eyes. we both left it this past sunday as we love each other and care about each other so much, but she says she cant keep dealing with the fights and that she has been happier since we broke up. she also feels that she isnt ready for a serious relationship anymore because she is realizing that we are about to graduate from college and that we dated since her 2nd day there. i think she is just afraid that she is going to miss out on a lot of things and thats why she started all these fights about nothing all the time. she also says that she cant see herself getting married to anyone, so i guess it cant be my fault.

 

I love this girl to death, but have realized that maybe all those fights and breakups were a sign that we werent supposed to be together (we tended to have very different interests and found it very hard to find time to spend together aside from sleeping next to each other).

 

It was so hard to see her this past weekend to return our stuff because we looked at each other and gave each other a huge hug. i cried obviously, but didnt beg for her to come back (which i was proud of because it wouldve made things even worse). i said lots of positive things about her and that i really do hope she is happy. she said the same about me and that she is always going to love me and that she hopes one day we can both heal enough that she can pick up the phone and we can start a friendship. she even said that im going to find a great girl that im gonna fall madly in love with and forget all about her (she always used to say that she felt she wasnt the right girl for me), but she even said that part of her hopes that girl is her but not till maybe 5 or 10 yrs down the road when we are in different places than now.

 

the hard part is realizing it is over and that it might be the last time i see her, at least for awhile. going from seeing her everyday to none has been the hardest part and gaining back those friendship that i lost and new ones that i come into have been the best thing i can do. i know that i truly did love her because i want her to find that happiness too no matter what it is, being it with another guy or whatever, i just always wanted her to be happy with her life and that if i couldnt bring her that maybe someone else could even if it hurt me for a little while.

 

most of what im saying is how do i stop thinking about her all the time with whatever i do. work, school, hanging out with friends, sitting at home, all these things bring back thoughts of her and what she is doing right now. please anyone with advice for me just drop me a message and maybe there is a piece that i am missing.

[Ms Omaniac]

i went through the same thing. it is reallllllllly hard when your world used to have this one person in it all the time and now you have to make adjustments to have an ordinary world without her in it.

 

you need to delve into old or new hobbies, hang out with your family and friends, read self help books...hell read anything, talk about your feelings with people you know and even strangers (which is why this place helps), exercise, put up all things that remind you of her in a box and store it away. one of the things i did that my therapist recommended was to wear a rubberband around my wrist...and whenever i thought of this person...to snap the rubberband on my wrist somewhat hard to try to snap out of it and think of something else. i know that seems childish...but i realllllllllllly needed the help at the time.

 

 

 

- ivy

[Mr Meh]

If you can say that you want her above all else to be happy whether with you or not, then that is true love. No demands no ownership. It sounds cliche, but that kind of thing never really goes away. That's not what you wanted to hear I know, but you are already a long way towards recovering if you are able to think that way. Time is all you can use and there really is a day when you wake up and don't think about it.

[mnuttster]

yea it is going to be a very long and hard road to travel. i know i shouldnt hang on any attention she gives me or anything she says because we arent in each other's lives anymore.

 

she did almost put a definate to things because she seemed to concentrate as us being friends once we heal and get over each other and that she said "your gonna find a great girl that is going to make you so happy and forget all about me". it hurts to know that she doesnt feel that way about us anymore and that she is basically completely moved on.

 

i guess that i should be happy that she seemed really focused on being friends in the future because she said "she really hoped that this wasnt the last time we talked because she really wanted to be able to pick up the phone some day and talk again and that maybe even in ten years when we are both different people we will bump into each other again and maybe things will rekindle"

 

i really really do miss her but i know that she is happier now without our relationship. and finally im letting her have the space she needs to be able to grow and figure out what she really wants from life. maybe she will come back and after a few relationships with others, she will come back and realize that what we had was great and we just werent at the right point or mindset.

 

but all i can do now is work on myself and meet as many new people as i can, i cant change anything with her because contact with her will make things worse for both of us and just not worry about what she is doing (the hardest part).

 

im like a turtle starting the race, it feels like i have a long road ahead, but im trying my hardest to not look behind me at the past.