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My mother strikes again


Alex39
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Go through with it.  Be the best you can be and just do it.  Don't listen to the negativity.

I say that, and I need to listen to my own words.  I'm middle aged, divorced, raising my 3 kids from marriage and I had to move back in with my mom so I could raise them on what I make in income.  The negativity has been with me since childhood, I just learned to block it out..most of the time.

Don't be like me and let your mothers negativity run parts of your life.  Especially something you're passionate about.

Do it....dont regret not doing it.

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1 hour ago, melancholy123 said:

Why not take the job and see how it goes?  It's what you said you wanted to do, so give it a try.

You can also do bartending on the side.  It doesn't need to be one or the other if you have the time.

It's a year contract commitment though. That's why it freaks me out. 

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1 hour ago, adviceplease2 said:

Go through with it.  Be the best you can be and just do it.  Don't listen to the negativity.

I say that, and I need to listen to my own words.  I'm middle aged, divorced, raising my 3 kids from marriage and I had to move back in with my mom so I could raise them on what I make in income.  The negativity has been with me since childhood, I just learned to block it out..most of the time.

Don't be like me and let your mothers negativity run parts of your life.  Especially something you're passionate about.

Do it....dont regret not doing it.

It's not even my mother anymore. It's me. Do I want the responsibility? I like sitting at home at night, able to do whatever I want after work, watch TV.  For cheer, I have to spend all my own time picking out music, creating routines, and making sure I'm organized, and I don't get paid for that. I get paid for the one or two hour classes I get. 

I thought it would be great exercise for me. A great way for me to get out. Meet new people maybe, though unlikely, I'll be working with little kids, and not sit around when I'm not working. But being pinned down multiple nights a week for a year scares me. You don't get a break. You have to be there. 

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6 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

It's not even my mother anymore. It's me. Do I want the responsibility? I like sitting at home at night, able to do whatever I want after work, watch TV.  For cheer, I have to spend all my own time picking out music, creating routines, and making sure I'm organized, and I don't get paid for that. I get paid for the one or two hour classes I get. 

I thought it would be great exercise for me. A great way for me to get out. Meet new people maybe, though unlikely, I'll be working with little kids, and not sit around when I'm not working. But being pinned down multiple nights a week for a year scares me. You don't get a break. You have to be there. 

For comparison sake I'll mention this.  

In January I was approached about coaching my 11 year old sons little league team.  They had too many kids and not enough coaches.  My first thought was no way, it'll take up all my evenings, I'll have to schedule practices, coordinate with an assistant I dont know, interact with parents etc etc.....

I said yes.  Why?  The biggest reason besides feeling like I'd be letting my son down if I said no.....was because I knew I'd obsess over it, I'd regret NOT doing it....because I knew I was able to.  If I said no, I knew it was me just not wanting the responsibility and that would eat me up.

Don't regret not doing this for yourself.

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33 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

OP you are talking yourself out of this for a lot of reasons.  

Bartending tends to be a night time gig so if you want to sit home and watch tv at night, you won't make it as a bartender.

I like to do that. But it's only because I'm bored. 

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3 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I thought it would be great exercise for me. A great way for me to get out. Meet new people

Then what you need is a hobby, or gym, or other social activity. Not another job. 

Any job is going to require that you commit to a certain number of hours per week, and since you already work, that will mean evenings or weekends for you. Bartending would take up a lot more of your evening than teaching cheer. 

You might want to reconsider what you are actually looking for here. It seems you were unprepared for the expectations that will come with a part-time job. 

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5 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Then what you need is a hobby, or gym, or other social activity. Not another job. 

Any job is going to require that you commit to a certain number of hours per week, and since you already work, that will mean evenings or weekends for you. Bartending would take up a lot more of your evening than teaching cheer. 

You might want to reconsider what you are actually looking for here. It seems you were unprepared for the expectations that will come with a part-time job. 

I agree. I don't have lots of money. I always need extra money. I always say I'm going to workout at night. But I lack motivation. So I thought this would force me into it. But now the commitment scares me. I think I'm also doubting myself. 

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You can always counter offer on the contract. Map out what you think is acceptable, as a part time job and also the deal breakers. Like the 'no breaks' is that negotiable? 

It never hurts to come back with what makes the job a yes, instead of a flat no thank you. Tester classes are fine, but you do expect some compensation for your time.  If that's a big no, then I probably would think twice about working for this company. An audition or test is one class with someone observing your performance. Not vacation coverage.

Don't be so eager to accept a crap offer. Make it worth your while because you're right.  Work as motivation to exercise more, is not going to work long term 

You want to make sure you are able to honor any commitment you make, but you both also need to agree on what exactly part time means and that you be  paid for your time. 

ps .  Congrats on getting an offer.  See that! Mom doesn't know what she's taking about. Yeah, she's your mom and all but she clearly has issues of her own. You're gonna have to work to counter her negativity or just limit your interactions and the info you share. (as others also suggested) 

Good luck whatever you decide any the job! 

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19 minutes ago, Lambert said:

You can always counter offer on the contract. Map out what you think is acceptable, as a part time job and also the deal breakers. Like the 'no breaks' is that negotiable? 

It never hurts to come back with what makes the job a yes, instead of a flat no thank you. Tester classes are fine, but you do expect some compensation for your time.  If that's a big no, then I probably would think twice about working for this company. An audition or test is one class with someone observing your performance. Not vacation coverage.

Don't be so eager to accept a crap offer. Make it worth your while because you're right.  Work as motivation to exercise more, is not going to work long term 

You want to make sure you are able to honor any commitment you make, but you both also need to agree on what exactly part time means and that you be  paid for your time. 

ps .  Congrats on getting an offer.  See that! Mom doesn't know what she's taking about. Yeah, she's your mom and all but she clearly has issues of her own. You're gonna have to work to counter her negativity or just limit your interactions and the info you share. (as others also suggested) 

Good luck whatever you decide any the job! 

Thank you. Yeah, that's what kind of made me turned off. She just wants vacation coverage, not a tester class, with no promise of any employment.  That just didn't sit well with me. I feel I'm being used. So I'm still on the fence about it. 

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1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

Thank you. Yeah, that's what kind of made me turned off. She just wants vacation coverage, not a tester class, with no promise of any employment.  That just didn't sit well with me. I feel I'm being used. So I'm still on the fence about it. 

I'd probably pass... it does kind of say a lot. Not just the pay. But would a good manager leave paying customers in the hands of a brand new employee? especially without really knowing them and their abilities?

Sounds like poor judgment.  who knows how far that reaches and what they'll ask or expect of you. 

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So I was honest. I asked her what the pay rate is, and she says $25 an hour. 

I then asked if I was hired for the fall start of the year contract and I honestly said how I just don't want to teach these classes then not get the job, as it would be a waste of my time. 

Then she says that she hoped to use these classes as the trial classes she mentioned, to see how I do. She then says how they always complete an interview then do trial classes to test the person out first. And how that is the next step in the hiring process for her, but that if I feel that they would waste my time, then she understands. And that was it.

But it wasn't just an interview. It was the application with questions I had to answer, then she asked me to make a long video of myself, then I had to watch a video that she sent me about the gym and she talking about the job, then I had to send her a written version of what a sample class would be in my perspective, then answer more written questions. Then I had to go in and interview in-person. It was a lot. Not just those two things, and you still don't know if I'm a right fit? I just am so conflicted. What do I do? She obviously likes me enough to have me teach there. But only as a trial as a substitute. Like you still have no idea if I'm OK after all that. That rubs me the wrong way. And she won't even be at the trials, so how does she know if I do a good job?

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1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

So I was honest. I asked her what the pay rate is, and she says $25 an hour. 

I then asked if I was hired for the fall start of the year contract and I honestly said how I just don't want to teach these classes then not get the job, as it would be a waste of my time. 

Then she says that she hoped to use these classes as the trial classes she mentioned, to see how I do. She then says how they always complete an interview then do trial classes to test the person out first. And how that is the next step in the hiring process for her, but that if I feel that they would waste my time, then she understands. And that was it.

But it wasn't just an interview. It was the application with questions I had to answer, then she asked me to make a long video of myself, then I had to watch a video that she sent me about the gym and she talking about the job, then I had to send her a written version of what a sample class would be in my perspective, then answer more written questions. Then I had to go in and interview in-person. It was a lot. Not just those two things, and you still don't know if I'm a right fit? I just am so conflicted. What do I do? She obviously likes me enough to have me teach there. But only as a trial as a substitute. Like you still have no idea if I'm OK after all that. That rubs me the wrong way. And she won't even be at the trials, so how does she know if I do a good job?

I think that’s asking a lot. But I’m unfamiliar with what is typical in that type of work. 

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I would still do it. I mean, sure, it doesnt pay a lot and you already have a job, but you will do something you like and get out of home. Look at it as more of a hobby. And who knows? Maybe you will meet new people, maybe even get a full time job opportunity there in time. 

I recently took a risk with low paid government job. It doesnt pay like my freelance stuff, but it has its own benefits. One of them is that "networking". You mix with people, hear some stuff, even about better job oppenings. Sitting at home, in front of computer, wouldnt get me that. Plus I still do freelance stuff, just cant put more time into it. I have a friend that did the same. He really wanted school job as he is a teacher. So he accepted very low paid(and very hard) job of taking care of kids with special needs. But he stayed in school so in time they offered him full time librarian position. 

My point is that you wont get anywhere with staying in at home, watching TV after work. This can at least get you somewhere. Its a trial period so they wont offer you a year contract yet. So you can use that time to see if you like it or not.

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4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I think that’s asking a lot. But I’m unfamiliar with what is typical in that type of work. 

I think it's asking a lot too, and no guarantee of a job. I think I will decline

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I am teacher myself. 

I teach in a different field altogether, but I can tell you that I would not agree to teach 3 trial lessons when the employer herself won't even be present to evaluate my capabilities. Perhaps the students will be asked to give their feedback on you, but I would at minimum expect the employer to sit in and observe at least one of these lessons herself. 

Their hiring process is very thorough, and yet she won't be around to see for her own eyes how the lessons go? That doesn't line up to me, speaking from experience. 

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14 hours ago, Alex39 said:

 I honestly said how I just don't want to teach these classes then not get the job, as it would be a waste of my time. 

Just say no. It's already off to a bad start. There are a gazillion places looking for part-timers.  Do some more targeted research and don't seek anyone's approval. 

Do what you love, not what you think will motivate you to get off the couch or exercise.

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On 7/15/2022 at 2:32 AM, MissCanuck said:

I am teacher myself. 

I teach in a different field altogether, but I can tell you that I would not agree to teach 3 trial lessons when the employer herself won't even be present to evaluate my capabilities. Perhaps the students will be asked to give their feedback on you, but I would at minimum expect the employer to sit in and observe at least one of these lessons herself. 

Their hiring process is very thorough, and yet she won't be around to see for her own eyes how the lessons go? That doesn't line up to me, speaking from experience. 

This is exactly what rubbed me the wrong way. I'm not hired because they haven't seen if I'm a fit for it, but I'm good enough to teach 3 to 4 classes while she is away on vacation and not present to even see for herself if I'm good. And no way she is evaluating by the children. She wants me teaching 4 to 10 year Olds. What constructive feedback are they going to give? 

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On 7/15/2022 at 2:57 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Just say no. It's already off to a bad start. There are a gazillion places looking for part-timers.  Do some more targeted research and don't seek anyone's approval. 

Do what you love, not what you think will motivate you to get off the couch or exercise.

I turned it down. I do love cheer. But I'm 30, the owner of the gym is younger than me. I think mommy and daddy bought her the studio young so she could follow her dreams. I think she's a bit under qualified. Not saying I want to own it. But I have qualifications.  I've paid my dues in that sport. I don't want to be a trial. I have the experience to be hired point blank. So I turned her down. I nicely told her that I had other offers that were willing to hire sooner than she and I felt that it was the right path for me to go to get an official offer. 

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I can understand one trial lesson, observed by the employer, to see if a teacher is a fit. That's not so unusual in teaching at private facilities. But 3 or 4 without the employer around? No. 

I think it was best to turn this down, yes. It sounds like she has a strict vetting process, which is fair enough, but also tried to squeeze out a convenient sub while she's on holiday and claim it was part of the hiring process. I don't buy that. 

Keep up the search. You will find something that is a better match for you. 

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