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Best to stifle my submissive wants?


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Sometimes I feel this way. As much as I desire to be cherished and loved for being the submissive that I am at heart it's just not appealing to the majority of women, I also have a severe cat allergen so I can't come with too many deal breakers lol. Plus I'm currently with a girl I've been with for a while and she is NOT into femdom and I get the impression she likes her sex very vanilla. So I'm conflicted because she truly, truly cares about me and is good to me. That alone is pretty hard to find, if I want this relationship to work out though (and even if I did dip out) it looks like I may have to put submissive fantasies on the back burner as much as I hate to.

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I think you have to be who you are.  Even if it means limiting your dating pool. If being submissive is a turn on then find someone who likes that.  There was a really nice guy who used to message me via a dating site - paragraphs and paragraphs about himself -all very nice -and I'd always forget what the last paragraph said.  He had a wrestling fetish  -he said it wasn't essential his partner be into it in bed but he strongly preferred it.  So each time he contacted me (maybe 3 times over a year period) I told him regretfully that we were not a match. I'm glad he was open about his fetish so we didn't waste each other's time.  

Maybe someday you'll want to get to the root of why this turns you on -maybe you'll reevaluate -but yes be true to what turns you on.

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2 hours ago, Krombopulos said:

Sometimes I feel this way. As much as I desire to be cherished and loved for being the submissive that I am at heart it's just not appealing to the majority of women, I also have a severe cat allergen so I can't come with too many deal breakers lol. Plus I'm currently with a girl I've been with for a while and she is NOT into femdom and I get the impression she likes her sex very vanilla. So I'm conflicted because she truly, truly cares about me and is good to me. That alone is pretty hard to find, if I want this relationship to work out though (and even if I did dip out) it looks like I may have to put submissive fantasies on the back burner as much as I hate to.

Have you had a conversation with her at all? How long have you been seeing her? Why not tell her since she cares about you? You accommodate one another if you truly see your life with someone.

A good number of people are a combination of different things and have varied sex lives. It’s not always one flavour. 

If she says no and truly is uncomfortable exploring anything else than what she knows, then you’ll have to be respectful and go your separate ways because you’re not sexually compatible… or even flexible enough to connect with one another in a mutually satisfying way.

That lack of flexibility could affect your intimacy and relationship down the line where you break up anyway so why not try and at least be open about it?

Edited by Rose Mosse
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Well I'm pretty sure that if you went on some kink websites or to those types of events that you would find women there who are into BDSM and all sorts of things. Unless you live in a small place, I think you should be able to join a community of people who are into the same things as you. I don't think you should have to suppress who you really are. Especially since what you're into isn't actually that rare to find.

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You are the guy that wanted to be pegged by the stripper? Yeah, no surprises here lol

Is it the same girl you are dating for years or another one? If its the same its a missmatch all around, not just sexually. And you need to find somebody who would be a better match.

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1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

You are the guy that wanted to be pegged by the stripper? Yeah, no surprises here lol

Is it the same girl you are dating for years or another one? If its the same its a missmatch all around, not just sexually.

Yes, I was wondering the same thing. 

There is a backstory here if it's the same woman. OP, can you clarify? Is this your long-term girlfriend you're talking about? 

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6 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Yes, I was wondering the same thing. 

There is a backstory here if it's the same woman. OP, can you clarify? Is this your long-term girlfriend you're talking about? 

Yeah, it's the same girl

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