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Messaged a co-worker when drunk


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I got drunk last night and ended up messaging a co-worker of mine who I have feelings for.

I have previously posted on here about this, I've made a total ass of myself. 

I've already put a shift change request in, so I'm hoping that I won't have to work with her again. I'm really worried that I'm not going to be able to attend work as I can't face seeing her.

Any advice?

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7 minutes ago, bluemax44 said:

I have previously posted on here about this, I've made a total ass of myself. 

What did your text say? Maybe it's time to delete and block her/her contact info.

Is this the same woman?:

 

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2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What did your text say? Maybe it's time to delete and block her/her contact info.

Is this the same woman?:

 

Yes it's the same woman. 

I can't remember all the the email. I told her that I like her, that I can't deal with this situation any longer and that I'm going to leave because of it. But I also said I wasn't happy with how she'd been towards me.

Honestly it's embarrassing, I'm really worried now about to do

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4 minutes ago, bluemax44 said:

I told her that I like her, that I can't deal with this situation any longer and that I'm going to leave because of it. But I also said I wasn't happy with how she'd been towards me.

Do you mean quit your job? Go to work, be professional, apologize for the text and move forward.

Leave her alone because everything you put in writing is available to show others. Also review your workplace sexual harassment policies. 

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6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you mean quit your job? Go to work, be professional, apologize for the text and move forward.

Leave her alone because everything you put in writing is available to show others. Also review your workplace sexual harassment policies. 

I can't how it can be classed as sexual harassment, I only sent 1 message I didn't say anything inappropriate. 

It's just embarrassing I'm wondering if I should send an email to apologize or if that will just do more damage  

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54 minutes ago, bluemax44 said:

I can't how it can be classed as sexual harassment, I only sent 1 message I didn't say anything inappropriate. 

It's just embarrassing I'm wondering if I should send an email to apologize or if that will just do more damage  

unwanted romantic attention is considered sexual harassment.  As a manager in CA, by law we had to go through sexual harassment training every other year.

No more emails.  Emails and texts lose their tone and the intent can be misconstrued.  Speak with her personally and apologize.  Or take the temperature of the situation and leave it alone. Things written in print can be used against you.

Edited by reinventmyself
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1 hour ago, bluemax44 said:

I can't how it can be classed as sexual harassment, I only sent 1 message I didn't say anything inappropriate. 

It's just embarrassing I'm wondering if I should send an email to apologize or if that will just do more damage  

Do not send anything else. 

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Posted (edited)

I really feel like I need to apologize, they're off the next 12 days and obviously if I move shifts I won't be seeing them again. 

This is what I'm thinking of saying:

'x

I was drunk when I sent that message. 

I can only deeply apologize for what was said, it's not my place to make you or anyone else feel bad about yourself.

I have had feelings for you, and it's been stressful for me having to work with you and be around you. 
You have been fine towards me & I have no issues with either of you. 

I have talked to Bethany (without mentioning you two) and she has agreed to let me move to Navy shift, so this shouldn't be an issue. I would really appreciate it if we could keep this between us'

Edited by bluemax44
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I would not put anything further in writing.  I would call her and simply say when you actually talk to her - I am very sorry about the message I sent you.  It was inappropriate."  No details.  Only over the phone. That is all - do not use your choice to get drunk as an excuse.  When you choose to get drunk you choose the consequences.  

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Posted (edited)

I don't have her number. I will send an apology and leave it at that. I was rude and I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable about having to come to work.

Edited by bluemax44
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5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Message her -ask her for her number or a number where you can reach her so that you can have a very brief work-related conversation as you'd prefer to speak.  Nothing more in writing.

I can't see her giving me her number after what I said. I feel it will be a lot easier for me to go back in once an apology has been issued. 

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1 hour ago, bluemax44 said:

I really feel like I need to apologize, they're off the next 12 days and obviously if I move shifts I won't be seeing them again. 

This is what I'm thinking of saying:

'x

I was drunk when I sent that message. 

I can only deeplyapologize for what was said, it's not my place to make you or anyone else feel bad about yourself.

I have had feelings for you, and it's been stressful for me having to work with you and be around you. 
You have been fine towards me & I have no issues with either of you. 

I have talked to Bethany (without mentioning you two) and she has agreed to let me move to Navy shift, so this shouldn't be an issue. I would really appreciate it if we could keep this between us'

Leave it at this.  Don't go on again about your feelings for her. Or worse, tell her who she can discuss it with.

Just apologize, take responsibility and leave it at that. Keep in mind her BF, other coworkers, friends, family and supervisors will see this, especially the "between us" remark. Quit while you're ahead, keep it clean and simple.

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Posted (edited)
18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Leave it at this.  Don't go on again about your feelings for her. Or worse, tell her who she can discuss it with.

Just apologize, take responsibility and leave it at that. Keep in mind her BF, other coworkers, friends, family and supervisors will see this, especially the "between us" remark. Quit while you're ahead, keep it clean and simple.

Ok I'll leave it at that.

I said some really stupid things in the email, I said I wanted her to leave me alone and that I'm fed of the way she's been acting towards me and that I fell she's been playing around with my sanity. 

There very nice people that I usually get on with so I'm hoping my apology will be enough but it's certainly going to be humiliating for me 

Edited by bluemax44
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Honestly, I really feel like topping myself right now. 

Should I ask to change shift? I'm so attached to this girl that I don't want to never see her again but I can't be getting into these situations

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2 minutes ago, bluemax44 said:

Honestly, I really feel like topping myself right now. 

Should I ask to change shift? I'm so attached to this girl that I don't want to never see her again but I can't be getting into these situations

You can't get rid of her but you can deal with unrealistic crushes and attachments.

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2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You can't get rid of her but you can deal with unrealistic crushes and attachments.

They have a split shift so half the staff work 4 days then the other half the next 4.

I could ask my manager to switch my shift so I no longer have to see her. 

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2 hours ago, bluemax44 said:

I really feel like I need to apologize, they're off the next 12 days and obviously if I move shifts I won't be seeing them again. 

This is what I'm thinking of saying:

'x

I was drunk when I sent that message. 

I can only deeply apologize for what was said, it's not my place to make you or anyone else feel bad about yourself.

I have had feelings for you, and it's been stressful for me having to work with you and be around you. 
You have been fine towards me & I have no issues with either of you. 

I have talked to Bethany (without mentioning you two) and she has agreed to let me move to Navy shift, so this shouldn't be an issue. I would really appreciate it if we could keep this between us'

Do not send this. You're only complaining about how bad you feel and if she doesn't want to have anything to do with you you're making things worse. It's not her problem that you can't control yourself. Please keep this in mind before dumping the issue on this coworker with messages. It's not an apology worth anything if you keep pushing your emotions onto someone else. It's simply not anyone else's burden and what you feel is exactly your problem, no one else's. 

Keep your own counsel from now onwards and don't involve anyone this context. If you are requesting shifts from your manager be more professional and make the request without referencing this other coworker. 

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3 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Do not send this. You're only complaining about how bad you feel and if she doesn't want to have anything to do with you you're making things worse. It's not her problem that you can't control yourself. Please keep this in mind before dumping the issue on this coworker with messages. It's not an apology worth anything if you keep pushing your emotions onto someone else. It's simply not anyone else's burden and what you feel is exactly your problem, no one else's. 

Keep your own counsel from now onwards and don't involve anyone this context. If you are requesting shifts from your manager be more professional and make the request without referencing this other coworker. 

Ok I won't send it.

Do you think I need to move shifts Rose? 

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4 minutes ago, bluemax44 said:

Ok I won't send it.

Do you think I need to move shifts Rose? 

It doesn't matter at this point as you already put a shift change in. See how it goes and what your manager has to say or if they can accommodate.

It also seems you told your female coworker that you are leaving the company? Focus on finding a new job. When you finish work switch off and do something else at home. Don't keep thinking about this. It'll blow over and you say you are leaving soon.

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Just now, Rose Mosse said:

It doesn't matter at this point as you already put a shift change in. See how it goes and what your manager has to say or if they can accommodate.

It also seems you told your female coworker that you are leaving the company? Focus on finding a new job. When you finish work switch off and do something else at home. Don't keep thinking about this. It'll blow over and you say you are leaving soon.

I'm not planning on leaving, I just said that in the heat of the moment. Obviously if I can't change shifts then I will. By the way, I'm still going to apologize as she hasn't seen the message I sent yet so she will see the apology before hand and know not to take what I said to heart.

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5 minutes ago, bluemax44 said:

I'm still going to apologize as she hasn't seen the message I sent yet so she will see the apology before hand and know not to take what I said to heart.

Whatever you do, do not include anything further about your feelings towards her. 

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Are you sure its that serious? Lots of times we tend to overexagarate situations like that. For example you think you embarassed yourself and its just one email. That will maybe not taken that serious or offensive.

I do think its good that you maybe change shifts. For your own sake until you get over that crush you have on her. Its not healthy to send drunken emails-texts to coworker who is in a relationship with another colleague. 

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1 minute ago, Kwothe28 said:

Are you sure its that serious? Lots of times we tend to overexagarate situations like that. For example you think you embarassed yourself and its just one email. That will maybe not taken that serious or offensive.

I do think its good that you maybe change shifts. For your own sake until you get over that crush you have on her. Its not healthy to send drunken emails-texts to coworker who is in a relationship with another colleague. 

I said I wanted her to leave me alone and that I feel her and her partner have been mistreating me. I did say I liked her but I wasn't trying to make anything happen. I was basically blaming them for me been stressed out even though it's not there fault or issue. Honestly, I am mortified by what I've said.

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