need some support....

[bungalowone]

it has been a month and ten days since the breakup and since i have talked to him. he broke up with me after three years...we have had some hard times (he broke up with me before, came back after a month)...i'm older, 24 and he's 22...

 

all the pain is coming back and i cant sleep anymore because his formal is on friday and it's making me crazy to think about him going with someone else....i even have the dress still that he talked me in to buying...i cant think about anything else! i just keep picturing him with another girl...or does he have a new girlfriend now and that's why he hasnt tried to talk to me at all...i know there wasn't anyone when i left, but it's been over a month now...

 

i try to do other things, paint, cycling, reading, i have 2 jobs...i dont know what else i can do...i have no peace of mind...

 

we broke up because he said he feels differently...he doesnt think we should be together anymore...i cant take it...it's consuming me

 

i have no idea what's going on with him...he hasnt tried to contact me at all...i deleted instant messenger, etc...but he could still email, call...i dont check away messages anymore....

 

how can he not contact me at all? did he ever care? why do i still have hope? my heart is hurting... i miss him so much i cant stand it...it feels like it's getting harder and that im just letting him go too easily...

 

he's graduating in june and then i really will have no idea what he's doing....i keep thinking that he broke up with me because he was scared of what's to come...we were planning on looking for jobs accross the country and moving in together...up until that day we were still planning...

 

it just kills me that he can let me walk away and not try to talk to me at all...nothing...what does that mean? i dont want to be friends...but what does it mean that he doesnt even try to contact me for that....

 

 

sorry...rambling, but that's about all i can do now...

[The_Doc]

Going through all the same emotions.

 

How can they stop loving you so suddenly... do they miss you, do they still think of you etc, why won't they contact you...

 

All of this is normal. I'm 7 weeks in and I still count the days and struggle to get out of bed each morning and just carry on.

 

My ex occasionally breaks NC and calls or IMs or less occasionally sends an SMS. Its no easier when they do contact you... that only leads to disappointment, false hope and sadness too.

 

Just hang in there, look after yourself and keep yourself busy

 

You are not alone

[Liquidius]

I'm going through the same thing, just over 5 weeks for me after 2 years.

 

We tried being friends but he's turned into someone I really dont want to know. It hurts less to be away from him than to be near him. Just try to keep yourself busy!

[mnuttster]

im going through the same thing, 3 yrs and been broken up for about a month. its so hard but the best thing you can do is keep busy and try to meet new people. i think that if i really care about her that i want her to be happy no matter what, with or without me, obviously still hard but its what i want for her. i think that maybe if we are meant to be that we will find each other again and she said she really hopes that someday she can pick up the phone and we can talk as friends and maybe that spark will come back. things happen and people change, only thing we can do is try to change with them for the better

[Wimpy]

Hey I'm there too....it's been 8 weeks for me and although I can see I've made some forward movement I'm still amazed that he's made no effort to contact me to see if I'm alive or dead..... like you I can't understand how someone can go from caring to not caring so fast. I wonder if they ever really cared to start with.

 

I so understand how you feel.....I deleted him from my MSN contacts and we're now in different countries so I have to contend with wondering what he's doing etc but more than that WHY DOESN'T HE CARE ENOUGH TO FIND OUT HOW I AM?

 

The Doc said it doesn't help if they DO get in touch and I tend to agree. I don't want my ex back (at least my head doesn't...my heart would take him back in a flash!) but I want him to acknowledge how badly he treated me and how unfair it was.

 

However there are simply things we'll never know and never be able to answer.

 

Look back over the past month or so and think are you REALLY at the same place emotionally and mentally as you were then? Can you see even the smallest step forward? If so, build on that and accept that as many posters have said (Ray Kay said it to me recently) but it's VERY VERY hard to accept, we must look to ourselves for closure.

 

It will get better. However the fact that he can walk away after that length of time and not make contact doesn't mean that you won't hurt. Someone told me this weekend that they felt that sometimes it took as long as the relationship was to fully heal - I hope that's not true as I really gave quite enough of my life to my ex - I want to be happy again and move on with my life.

 

Bungalowone you are NOT alone - we are all here struggling right beside you.

[hurtAgain]

hi bungalowone,

 

I hope u read all the replies, and hope you realize that you are not alone.

I posted one the same, about the co-worker.

One thing that stuck out in your post, was the fact that it kills you even thinking that he's with someone else. Well, girl, welcome to TRUE LOVE. I go through that every day, it's been 3 weeks. Not that it gotten any better, because I see him everyday. Everytime I think there is sunshine back in my life, I picture him with someone else. And I die inside.

Thank God I have my son, and I spend extra time with him. For the past 3 weeks, I let him sleep with me at night. The sound of him breathing makes me fall asleep. I've been on sleeping pills also.

 

I can so feel your pain. My bf for 3.5 years told me the same thing...his feelings have changed. It makes you scream of pain, because only your heart knows how much you love him. I would have happily been his door mat (which I actually was) for the rest of my life, only to have his pathetic a.s.s in my life.

 

Girl, do what I do, and it will get better. i work in an office, and I always dress nice...sexy but classy, if you know what I mean.

Now, not only that I still dress nice, but wear his FAVOURITE clothes, and IGNORE him.

Let him miss you. If he does, than he'll come back. If he doesn't, it was not meant to be.

Let him have a date for his graduation. Think rationally...could he actually show up without a date? No. That doesn't mean he loves her. She's just filling the void. Pretend that you don't care. It's hard, girl, I know.

But we are all here for you. Keep us posted, even if nothing happens...

If you need to vent and let things out...don't call him....post here. And we'll listen.

We don't judge.

Realize that one day you are the pigeon and the other the statue.

[socalguy123]

7 weeks and counting since our breakup. We have had on/off NC, but I've re-instated it as of last week.

 

It is still painful. We were together for almost 1 year, and I still am tormented by not having a 1-year anniversary, how she takes days off from work to be with this new "friend with benefits" (she never took days off for me!!!), how she's willing to spend so much time of hers with him at his place (for me it was like pulling teeth to ask her to come to my place, which is 40 minutes away), I wonder what she's doing on a weekend--when I'm struggling to find something to do...

 

I'm tormented by my spare time, so I try to keep it filled with action and friends: working out at the gym, having friends over for dinner, cleaning up my place and getting rid of all memories of her. I don't throw things away, but I do put them in a little box, hidden away, never to look at ever again. I know I can't throw away the past, it just isn't healthy to do that. But I know for me to heal, I need less and less reminders of her.

 

Ultimately, every moment of your life is a decision to be a victim, or become closer to who you really should be. The same goes for your significant other. Just remember--if your ex was worth it:

a) You wouldn't have fought, or argued so much

b) He/She wouldn't have changed their feelings, they would have decided to become more committed

 

Take this time to improve yourself, reflect on the successes and failures of this past relationship, objectively remember the whole relationship (good and bad). Doing these things will help you understand why it didn't work out, and why it wouldn't have worked out even if you stuck it out longer. And remember that your happiness is dictated by you, not by someone else (in other words, you can't rely on anyone else but yourself to bring you true contentment and completion). This isn't easy, and everyone struggles with this, including myself--but once you start putting this action into effect--you won't put up with BS from other dates, because they aren't giving you what you want. You won't stay in the relationship out of loneliness/fear of being single.

 

 

Hang in there and good luck today!

Best!

[bungalowone]

it helps to read the replys...i know i feel like crap on the inside...but i definitely look better on the outside...at least that's what people tell me...even his friends say that...i work out tons, and even started my own business...

 

like i said before i'm doing everything i possibly can to get over it...believe me i would take him back and still have hope...

 

i guess i'll just try to convince myself that he can't replace three years in a couple of months...at least that's what i hope...i just wish i knew i meant something to him, that i didnt feel like it was a waste of time getting back together in the first place...

 

still struggling with the idea of him with another date, but it helps to know other people know what im feeling....

[alonegirl]

Those are the same questions that run through my head everyday that my ex does not call me. It has been over 8 weeks and I have not talked to him once. He tried to call me one time didn't leave a message, I called him back left a message he never returned, maybe he called me by accident who knows. I don't understand how they can not at least call to see if you are ok or something, we were together for 4 years, I wonder if he ever cared. I don't know how some people can just walk away and turn their backs, I don't want to be friends either I totally understand you just wanting him to call just so you know he cares I am right there with you.

[overtheedge]

I was together with my ex for 4 1/2 years and I got the whole "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" speech. I has been about a month now with limited contact. What has helped me is to put myself in her shoes and think about it rationally. I have realized my shortcomings in the relationship, as well as hers.

 

Also, I have realized that she did not want to hurt me, but she did what was best for her at the time. It does hurt to picture her with someone else, but that might be the only thing that makes her see how good things were with me. If we do get back together at some point, the relationship will be better than it ever was before because of what I have learned.

 

I now live my life by the motto "True happiness must come from within" because we can only have happiness if we are happy with ourselves. As much as it seems like that other person was the source of all our happiness, it is not true. After only a month I am perfectly happy sitting at home by myself doing nothing. I still love her with all my heart, but she was only a part of my life. There is nothing you can do to get over it right away, but it helps to be at peace with yourself.