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Possible first date and I don’t know what to do


Honeybeans
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Hi so I am about to be 19 (F) I’m pretty young and I’ve never been on a date. So I downloaded the little dating apps, the problem is I wasn’t expecting dudes to be so bold. I got asked out on a date. I was ready to say yes for a second but stopped myself cause I’m like am I even ready to date but I kinda want to go. Now I’m thinking well what do you even wear to go out and how are you supposed to act I’m not tryna be an awkward mess. For some background my account shows my more feminine side but I tend to wear a lot of clothes that make me look more masculine. I also only have busted up sneakers. I’m not hoping for anything too serious but it’s still scary to think this will be my first date. I just kinda want advice on what to do about the situation and if I do end up going what is some advice on what to wear or how to act.

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10 minutes ago, Honeybeans said:

 I am about to be 19 (F) I’m pretty young and I’ve never been on a date. So I downloaded the little dating apps, the problem is I wasn’t expecting dudes to be so bold. 

Do you go to college? What are other people wearing in your area?

What kind of dating app? Tinder? Don't meet with weirdos who are "bold". If you do decide to meet someone, make it a coffee place during the day. Drive yourself there.

Worry less about dating outfits and focus more on socializing with boys in real life and in person.

Edited by Wiseman2
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The thing is I’m fine with socializing with guys on a regular basis since I tend to find it much easier to make guy friends than female friends because I present myself as basically another dude to the point I even get mistaken for a boy.
That’s another thing I was worried about was what are these dudes intentions too since again it is online which makes the situation a bit scarier as someone with no intimate relationship experience.
So I’m kinda just wondering if I should scrap this all together and see what happens with dudes at my school in person or should I just use these people as experience but of course securing my own safety first.

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5 minutes ago, Honeybeans said:

 see what happens with dudes at my school in person or should I just use these people as experience 

Never "use" people. If you are ready to start dating, stop acting like a guy friend to your guy friends. It's not about whatever shoes you're wearing. 

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Alright thank you for the advice I think it really helped me. I’ll definitely try and stop acting like just another guy friend and take into account what I want and what the other person wants. But also if I do take that extra step not to worry about as you said it the shoes I’m wearing and be comfortable. I hope you have a great day ◠‿◠ 

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Be safe and always meet in a public space. Don't let these guys drive you home from the first date. If they say anything inappropriate or you suddenly don't feel it, leave.

Otherwise, be yourself and enjoy!

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1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Be safe and always meet in a public space. Don't let these guys drive you home from the first date. If they say anything inappropriate or you suddenly don't feel it, leave.

Otherwise, be yourself and enjoy!

Same - plus -show up on time, look nice, be nice (meaning also no looking at your phone during a conversation with him unless an emergency), and keep up your part of the conversation.  Ask open ended questions like where have you traveled? What was it like growing up in _____" and especially ask questions that have to do with what you're already talking about -appropriate follow up questions.  Respond to overly personal questions with "interesting! why do you want to know?" 

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Consider changing your profile to reflect the real you.  After all you would want someone who is genuinely interested in who you are and not someone else you wanted to project.  Had you done so to begin with you might not be so concerned that it won't add to up to what he might be expecting. 

Keep a first date, especially an online one very simple.  Meet in a neutral place and just be yourself and enjoy the moment.  It's just a date.  Don't overthink it.

Edited by reinventmyself
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I dunno, for somebody(especially woman) to go on the first date with the bunch of horny dudes that she met online, is a very risky behavior. I would advise you against that.

You will get a lot of attention. Even average woman gets a lot of attention in online dating world and you are also very young which is a plus on its own. However, as you can see, that kind of attention is from a lot of bold men with a lot of bold propositions. Its just not something somebody that should experience dating for the first time should experience. You will have a lots of bad ones, lots of bold ones that would just want one thing etc. 

But if you have to, first thing, always confirm identity before the date by Facetime or any other way. Facetime would also give you at least some time to talk aside of messaging. Meet in public place, let it be just a meet up and go separate ways. Dont let strangers coerce you into anything more until you get to know them better in time.

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If you don't have the cash to buy yourself something nice to wear, head to the thrift store. I say let this be a new chapter in your life and take advantage of change. 

As for safety, let someone know where you are going and who you are going to meet. Always at a busy public place, first date 45 mins tops, keep in contact with a friend. Never accept rides or let them know where you live. If you are getting a creepy vibe cut the date short and leave. 

Edited by smackie9
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11 hours ago, Honeybeans said:

Hi so I am about to be 19 (F) I’m pretty young and I’ve never been on a date. So I downloaded the little dating apps, the problem is I wasn’t expecting dudes to be so bold. I got asked out on a date. I was ready to say yes for a second but stopped myself cause I’m like am I even ready to date but I kinda want to go. Now I’m thinking well what do you even wear to go out and how are you supposed to act I’m not tryna be an awkward mess. For some background my account shows my more feminine side but I tend to wear a lot of clothes that make me look more masculine. I also only have busted up sneakers. I’m not hoping for anything too serious but it’s still scary to think this will be my first date. I just kinda want advice on what to do about the situation and if I do end up going what is some advice on what to wear or how to act.

Wear what you feel comfortable with. You’re very young and I’d suggest joining some groups at school, on campus or in your local neighbourhood. Take some classes. If you’re not interested in guys in your school, it’s not the end of the world. It is often way too small of a puddle to choose from anyway.

You’ll have more options in uni/college if you’re going to study for longer. Don’t get tied down too early. Just focus on schooling. Guys don’t ever run out so be picky. 

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Keep it casual.  Meet for coffee or lunch.  Wear something tasteful, neat and clean but don't over dress for the occasion.  If you only have sneakers, wash them so at least they're clean.

For first dates, don't talk too much about yourself otherwise you'll bore your date.  Ask a lot of questions about HIM.  Observe.  Find out if you both have mutual interests, intellect and lifestyles.  Are both of you into fitness and health?  Hobbies?  Books?  Families?  Get to know him better.  Observe his mannerisms.  Pay attention.  Does he interrupt?  Is he rude?  Humble?  Boastful?  Kind and considerate?  Generally, your first impression will guide your decision whether or not you wish to see him again.  

I remember going out on first dates with some duds.  I didn't get a good vibe from several dates.  They were ok but not the type of men I wanted to waste my time, energy and resources with. 

Then I hit the jackpot with my husband which was like finding a needle in a haystack or winning the lottery.  We have two great sons.  Pure dumb luck.

You'd better shop around.  Haste makes waste.

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