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Why am I suddenly a boy magnet after a messy breakup??


Lulu23
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If those of you who don't know I suffered thro a bad breakup a month ago with my crazy ex boyfriend(he did alot of *** to me, he tried to humilate and harass me and stalk me etc and claims he hates me even tho he broke up with me😐) and now I'm a boy magent like every day i'm getting dms from these cute guys(my age ofc) and they follow me and stuff literally every single day on my insta and snap, they are like very flirty with me and into me and stuff, don't get me wrong I don't mind it because I love meeting people and i'm a total extrovert so i love it but why does that always happen whever I get dumped cause this isn't the first time either a year ago I got cheated on a few months later I was a  boy magent and again and again. my followers list is filled with all these cute teenage dudes and its like wow. So why does it always happens to me, why do i suddenly become a boy magent???🥲

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2 minutes ago, Lulu23 said:

like every day i'm getting dms from these cute guys(my age ofc) and they follow me and stuff literally every single day on my insta and snap, they are like very flirty with me and into me and stuff.

Because you're putting yourself out there again. Have any of them asked out on a real date? Anyone in particular who interests you?

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1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Because you're putting yourself out there again. Have any of them asked out on a real date? Anyone in particular who interests you?

Not yet But i'm still looking, its just crazy how they all hitting on me and stuff, but yeah i'm just trying to be confident and keep my head held high after going thro all of crap with my ex and stuff so that makes sense

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2 hours ago, Lulu23 said:

Not yet But i'm still looking, its just crazy how they all hitting on me and stuff, but yeah i'm just trying to be confident and keep my head held high after going thro all of crap with my ex and stuff so that makes sense

These are people online who are complimenting your looks right?  That has nothing to do with whether they want to get to know you as a person and date you.  Hitting on you means nothing as far as genuine interest in you as a person.  You are not meeting these people -you are interacting online with strangers who may or may not be your age or men - based mostly on what you look like physically.

  If you want to meet people including people who you might wish to date meet people in person through shared activities or in an environment where people of character and integrity are likely to be and be interested in striking up a conversation to learn more about you as a person, even if your first contact is through an online dating site.  

  I was hit on when I was 42, engaged and 8 months pregnant.  Not surprising at all that some random guy chatted me up and complimented me.  Meaningless.

Edited by Batya33
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The timing is weird but perhaps now that you are single you notice more or are more open to this guys.

In the end it doesn't matter what all this cute boys want, what matters is what you want.

 Is it your goal to have a bunch of strangers sending you two or three word DMs?

 Do you want a relationship or a following?

You should process the breakup, figure out why you chose a guy that clearly was not a good person and then stayed when his true colors showed.  You cannot figure out what you want when you allow men to chose for you. Be smart, be brave and be in charge of your life.  This means you get to chose not just select from the menu in front of you.  IG and Snap are not real life, meet people in real life doing real things and you will learn more about them in 2 hours then you could ever imagine.

  Lost

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I love that post, lostandhurt. I particularly love "chose for yourself not just select from the menu in front of you". I think, especially for young women, the challenge isn't so much in finding someone who is attracted to you. There will be plenty who will. The challenge is wading through the noise and clammer, not letting that be the thing that sways you, finding your own self and knowing your own needs and wants. The biggest pitfall for young women is falling into something easy, something in front of them that is loud. 

 

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i think you can help yourself by taking a big step back, may be take a vacation 😉 the breakup & all the attention can be overwhelming so chill for a while with your group of friends, switch off social media, get involved in some new hobbies or activities, don't date for sometime, just enjoy your single phase for a while. It usually helps clear the mind and refresh perspectives

Congratulations on being single, its the greatest feeling of freedom but not for a long time though 😉

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5 hours ago, HeartGoesOn said:

Maybe it's time to take a break in order to process your breakup.   Also, be careful who you interact with, and respect yourself.

^ I second this post.  Also, you're very young, just 16.  Be careful not to go on the rebound.  Plenty of time.

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5 hours ago, Spawn said:

Congratulations on being single, its the greatest feeling of freedom but not for a long time though 😉

So I don't think being single is cause for celebration or even the kind of freedom everyone wants (I didn't feel free at all when I was single -much of the time and I feel much freer being married - freedom restrictions have to do with having a minor child at home).  I don't much care for people celebrating that "I met someone and I'm over the moon" either.  I would say - celebrate yourself -not in a gushy way and not connected to single status or whatever relationship status - but in a way that acknowledges and notices the whole package - how you treat others, what you've contributed to the world that day or week, how you are taking care of your physical and mental health, choices you made that day to do the right thing even when the wrong thing was so tempting.  

Also limit the social media interactions if at all possible -you are in a vulnerable frame of mind and much more susceptible to unhealthy interactions right now with strangers especially those who compliment your physical features. 

Don't over analyze why a stranger or strangers might be clicking things on your photos or typing flirty messages -it's so easy to do that and you're likely one of many.  It's not easy to get to know a person in person in a proper, respectful, natural way.  But it's worth it when the two people have good intentions and stuff in common.

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