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Boyfriend broke up with me due to work stress


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I never looked at it this way. What a positive spin you’ve put on this. I agree that this can be taken as a learning experience and new found strength. Definitely pushing myself and discovering limits I didn’t know I had. 

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A friend of mine shared a post online and I paraphrase ‘if it’s not a *** yes, then it’s a *** no! Don’t settle for a lukewarm life’ and I thought of us both. And also, that my ex was already demonstrating a lack of *** yes before we split up (if *** yes had been present, he would have wanted to spend time with me even when he was really busy, and if he really, super couldn’t fit it in he could have been planning the time we’d get to spend together when his family left. *** yes would have been seen and felt!)

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18 hours ago, 1a1a said:

A friend of mine shared a post online and I paraphrase ‘if it’s not a *** yes, then it’s a *** no! Don’t settle for a lukewarm life’ and I thought of us both. And also, that my ex was already demonstrating a lack of *** yes before we split up (if *** yes had been present, he would have wanted to spend time with me even when he was really busy, and if he really, super couldn’t fit it in he could have been planning the time we’d get to spend together when his family left. *** yes would have been seen and felt!)

Thanks for sharing this, 1a1a. You’re so right in stating that “It’s a no if it isn’t a yes.” Sorry you’re going through something similar to my situation. I totally get that he’s busy right now, but like you said, he could’ve stated that he’s not able to spend much time with me right now, but the situation will improve with time. There’s a lot of different ways to make someone feel loved without directly spending time with them (i.e. sending a loving text — which takes 10 seconds to compose, a 2 minute call that tells me he’s thinking of me, etc). According to him, he doesn’t have time for anything right now except to focus on work. That’s BS. 
 

He sent me a text last night saying “I thought about you all day today.” For 2 seconds it made my day, but that quickly turned into anger. What does that even mean? Not much. I didn’t respond and today I’m glad I didn’t respond impulsively. 

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14 minutes ago, -Crushed- said:

 He sent me a text last night saying “I thought about you all day today.” For 2 seconds it made my day, but that quickly turned into anger. What does that even mean? Not much. I didn’t respond 

Good call. There's nothing more disgusting than someone who want's to look good dumping you and assuage their own guilt/ego.

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6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Good call. There's nothing more disgusting than someone who want's to look good dumping you and assuage their own guilt/ego.

Thanks for the reassurance, Wiseman2. We’re in the middle of working together on a work project right now, and he’s been calling me for things that aren’t actually that pressing. It’s bothering me because he’ll joke around and act like everything is okay. He also did something that actually helped me out quite a bit today, but it wasn’t necessary. I still would’ve gotten it done. It sounds ungrateful, but I don’t want his help. I’m mad that he has a way to keep me in his life while still keeping me at arm’s length.

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1 hour ago, -Crushed- said:

It’s bothering me because he’ll joke around and act like everything is okay.

Then you need to speak up and tell him that all communication must relate to work, or you will not be able to continue the conversation. 

1 hour ago, -Crushed- said:

It sounds ungrateful, but I don’t want his help.

Again, speak up and tell him this. 

He's trying to make himself feel better for hurting, and offer you the booby prize of "generosity". You don't need to accept that. You can still maintain professional ties if it's absolutely necessary, but you don't need to indulge his buddy-buddy attemtps to soothe his own guilt.  

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6 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Then you need to speak up and tell him that all communication must relate to work, or you will not be able to continue the conversation. 

Again, speak up and tell him this. 

He's trying to make himself feel better for hurting, and offer you the booby prize of "generosity". You don't need to accept that. You can still maintain professional ties if it's absolutely necessary, but you don't need to indulge his buddy-buddy attemtps to soothe his own guilt.  

Also you can put him on speaker to impress upon him that this isn't a personal conversation (unless it's sensitive professional information)

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8 hours ago, -Crushed- said:

and he’s been calling me for things that aren’t actually that pressing. It’s bothering me because he’ll joke around and act like everything is okay. He also did something that actually helped me out quite a bit today, but it wasn’t necessary. I still would’ve gotten it done.

So he has all that time to call you and joke around and is too stressed to date you or be in a relationship with you.  Hmmmmm

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Yeah, it’s hollow. So he misses you now? But didn’t miss you enough before to sustain and maintain a relationship with you. 
 

I’m super proud of you for not replying straight away!

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