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Should i leave my boyfriend of 1 year..Pros and cons! Send help:(


Tailz
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5 minutes ago, Tailz said:

. . . now im starting to just feel used cause he doesnt do ANYTHING for me ever...and when i ask for help its like im a burden 

And yet you said in your "pro" list that he's nice to you.  So this is confusing.  He sounds awful, quite frankly.  I don't see the draw here at all, unless it's a "he's better than nothing" type of situation.

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30 minutes ago, Tailz said:

 he doesnt do ANYTHING for me ever...

You mentioned he is “loving and kind” towards you.

Can you think of the loving and kind things he has done?

My guess is maybe you just aren’t attracted as much to him since he seems lonely and with baggage as you mentioned, and for this reason all the little things you don’t like about him are starting to creep up… 

tough situation ..but I guess it’s better to be with someone positive who has their life together…

I once dated someone who had depression and anxiety issues and my life is 100 better since I left  (for a different reason) now that I look back on it…

and now one of my major criteria for dating someone new is if they are optimistic/happy….

We can help others but it’s not our job to fix them..

 

 

 

Edited by mical
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1 hour ago, Tailz said:

I can handle all his bagage but now im starting to just feel used cause he doesnt do ANYTHING for me ever...and when i ask for help its like im a burden 

It's not about how much baggage you can handle, it's about burning yourself out on a selfish person.

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5 hours ago, Tailz said:

Im trying so hard...i seen to always gravitate to the ones who need saving..i dont even know why

My theory is that those who try to "save" the most usually need the help and support the most. Instead of spending your time, resources, help and support on him, look at all the areas you wish to improve or change or gain support for yourself.

To me, this is a massive cry for help and I'm meaning this in the kindest way possible because I do empathize with you. 

You've got to start looking out for yourself better and doing for yourself what you're willing to do for people like this who use/abuse your trust or any kindness you show them with no reciprocity. And you are used to so little because you keep expecting so little. Don't live like that.

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Sorry but a relationship can't survive on affection alone. This guy is a $%^& show. You must be pretty deaf from your gut instinct screaming at you. Girl you need to look out for number one and that's you. 

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On 6/13/2022 at 2:02 PM, Tailz said:

I told him im not happy in this relationship and i dont wanna leave i just wanna see change (he told me im too negative for him lately and i told him he has been negative for a whole year and i put myself aside for his own emotional needs and he said "yah well im not trying to be anymore" as if my issues now arent valid cause hes GOOD now

How can you see him as your 'lifelong partner', if you are not happy? ( I can see him in my life longterm as my lover not just my friends).

 

I see the negative is way longer than the positives.

And I feel he's been way too dependant on you!  You helping him with money etc?  Has only been a year! ( I have an ex like this... he was involved & ended up helping his new gf out with money - later, this became an issue for him..admitting he was 'too nice').

I do not see you as 'happy' at all in this... maybe a basic friendship- but you can help him no more!

He needs to learn his limits and be more responsible... not have a new gf to do this for him. I'd be full of guilt 😕 

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You focus on his good qualities.  Even Jeffery Dahmer had good qualities.

This man is showing you exactly who is and you need to pay attention to that rather than sticking around and hoping he'll magically turn into someone else entirely.  Do not wait for someone to change when what you have in front of you is exactly who he is.

He's loving?  You need to sit and think about the definition of that.  His reaching out to other women, taking advantage of financial assistance from you (so early on) not interested in fulfilling your needs, going out alone without you and basically treating you like a friend and not a lover.   For that matter, my friends don't lie to me.

This isn't loving.  It seems you provide him things he needs and he's not interested in reciprocating.  Love isn't merely words, it's the actions they exhibit.  His actions seem anything but loving.  I can assume what brought you is you don't feel loved.  Correct?

Believe you deserve better.  Learn that it's ok to love someone and at the same time recognize that you aren't mean to be together.

Edited by reinventmyself
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His cons cancel out his pros.  You deserve better.  Better to be alone and at peace than with a man who gives you nothing but trouble. 

You decide what to do.  If it were me, I'd breakup!

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4 hours ago, waffle said:

I would be surprised if you found all of the above in one person.  If so, you have indeed found perfection.  I would have to see this to believe it.

Huh. I think it's a normal, heathy person.

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