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Husband wants a postnup after 19 years?


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You were the main caregiver/mom and worked, so you actually worked more than him AND being a caregiver does have financial value. So add what you make at your job, plus price out what it would cost to have a nanny/housekeeper for all those years and see what your true worth is. A lawyer will take this into consideration what would be owed to you. Since he does make more that you, even if you work, he will still owe you alimony to make up the difference because he has to keep you in the lifestyle you are used to. The house on the other hand, you may have to sell to pay off the mortgage and split what's left over. I do understand his point....he worked hard to have something in the end, so taking everything away from him wouldn't be fair, and that's what he is worried about...having nothing. IMO everyone deserves to have a home (even him), and financial stability. I too feel the prenup is a ruse. Just start seeking legal advice asap.

 

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7 hours ago, smackie9 said:

 . . . he has to keep you in the lifestyle you are used to.

This is true if you are the president leaving the office of the presidency of the United States, but not exiting a marriage.  Of course laws vary by country, and by state and even by counties within the states (in the U.S.) but where I live, alimony is solely at the discretion of the judge (who is the one who makes the decisions, not the lawyers.  Lawyers negotiate and advise, and judges make rulings) and there is literally no such thing as "keep you in the lifestyle you became used to."  Sometimes if the H is very wealthy that can be negotiated, but it is not automatic.  Nor should it be.  Again, it's different in other places , but to apply blanket statements like this stating it applies to everyone is simply false.

Edited by waffle
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14 hours ago, waffle said:

This is true if you are the president leaving the office of the presidency of the United States, but not exiting a marriage.  Of course laws vary by country, and by state and even by counties within the states (in the U.S.) but where I live, alimony is solely at the discretion of the judge (who is the one who makes the decisions, not the lawyers.  Lawyers negotiate and advise, and judges make rulings) and there is literally no such thing as "keep you in the lifestyle you became used to."  Sometimes if the H is very wealthy that can be negotiated, but it is not automatic.  Nor should it be.  Again, it's different in other places , but to apply blanket statements like this stating it applies to everyone is simply false.

This is just information that anyone can take at their own discretion and something that can be looked into. 

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 "we have 3 children together but he was able to save for the deposit on our house as he earn more and worked more (I have always worked but also the primary carer for our children so limited on what I could do)"

This is why there are laws on child support.  You supported the family by working in the home, while he was able to further himself in his career.  As a result he has more earning power.   This places you at a disadvantage.

He was able to earn the money to put a down payment on the house because the burden of childcare was not on him.  Had he been sharing the responsibility he wouldn't have had the opportunity to earn more.  He should be thanking you and property you have was acquired both of your contributions, whatever role either of you played.

That's why there are community property laws.  He's playing a game of emotional blackmail with you and your reconciliation has terms attached to it.  There's nothing loving about that.

Had he come into the marriage with assets, I could see the need for a prenup.  But a postnup at this point in the game is bs. 

Edited by reinventmyself
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