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dating a girl without the exclusivity conversation.. yet


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2 hours ago, HeartGoesOn said:

It shouldn't be that difficult to ask if you're exclusive, especially since you're already sleeping together (imo). To each their own, but may I ask why this wasn't discussed before taking that step?   Also with her lack of communication and limited volcabulary, where do you see this going?

Hopefully you'll make the right choices.

 

To me sexual monogamy isn’t the same as exclusivity. And her response tells me she’s not interested in the latter situation otherwise she’d want you to know she was into you and not looking to date anyone else.  She certainly can pursue other men and then not have sex until she breaks things off with you. 

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10 hours ago, waffle said:

You're concerned she's going to **** this other guy so you're bringing up this exclusivity talk to hopefully persuade her not to.  Talk, by definition, is just words so you can talk all you want but if she's going to do this other guy (again) she's going to do him regardless of how much you hope she'll be exclusive to you because that's what you want.  

No. I mean fair play for assuming that (kinda) but me wanting to have a chat about what are we is not solely driven by her liaising with a past fling.

 

 

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8 hours ago, Batya33 said:

To me sexual monogamy isn’t the same as exclusivity. And her response tells me she’s not interested in the latter situation otherwise she’d want you to know she was into you and not looking to date anyone else.  She certainly can pursue other men and then not have sex until she breaks things off with you. 

Which response?

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1 hour ago, gingerthumbs said:

 me wanting to have a chat about what are we is not solely driven by her liaising with a past fling.

Then why bring it up now rather than when you first started having sex? Even if you have this relationship talk, it's not going to prevent anything from happening.

Either she keeps her clothes on when away from you or she doesn't. If you think she's a loose floozie, don't date her.

It sounds like you are jealous of this guy.

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On 6/8/2022 at 4:58 PM, gingerthumbs said:

If she continues to dodge the exclusivity conversation and her unwillingness to engage intensifies in the lead up to her and this 'gig', I can only sensibly assume that her reason, or at least part of it, is cos she wants to sleep with said guy again and in general, sleep about. 

If you are this insecure about her behaviour at just 3+ mos in, maybe you should just move on... as it sounds you don't trust her.

 

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Maybe irrelevant but we had more of an indepth conversation about exclusivity. She seemed willing to have it, willing to engage and said I was very hard to gauge.

She also added that she doesnt want to sleep with anyone else and that she thought I did.

Still, doesnt cease my worry for what may be (or may not be) to come.

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2 hours ago, gingerthumbs said:

Maybe irrelevant but we had more of an indepth conversation about exclusivity. She seemed willing to have it, willing to engage and said I was very hard to gauge.

She also added that she doesnt want to sleep with anyone else and that she thought I did.

Still, doesnt cease my worry for what may be (or may not be) to come.

So is the focus sexual monogamy or exclusive relationship?

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Just say today to her - “Are we officially boyfriend and girlfriend?” and you’ll know.

It’s a simple yes or no answer.

Any answer that deviates from this and is is wishy-washy is probably a no..

 

 

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3 hours ago, gingerthumbs said:

She also added that she doesnt want to sleep with anyone else and that she thought I did. Still, doesnt cease my worry for what may be (or may not be) to come.

So it's not that she won't have the conversation, it's that you don't trust her based on her description of the "hot drummer" who'll she be in contact with?

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On 6/14/2022 at 7:01 AM, gingerthumbs said:

Maybe irrelevant but we had more of an indepth conversation about exclusivity. She seemed willing to have it, willing to engage and said I was very hard to gauge.

She also added that she doesnt want to sleep with anyone else and that she thought I did.

Still, doesnt cease my worry for what may be (or may not be) to come.


But that's about as good as it gets so early on.  You can't be too heavy handed with someone in the early phases of dating.  She's willing to be exclusive and you need to just go with that with a little faith. If for whatever reason you think she's too high risk then you rethink it and move on.

There are no guarantees.  She'll be with you because she wants to.  Period. Not because you put a label on it.  The question is, do you have the stomach for it and is it worth it?  Only you know.

If it's worth it you just take it a day at a time, be your best self and enjoy the process.  Overthinking and white knuckling it changes your energy and it becomes unattractive.

 

Edited by reinventmyself
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