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Should I be concerned about my GF's behaviour?


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3 hours ago, samgotti said:

Update: my GF called me and said that she fully agrees with me and that she hadn't viewed the situation from my POV and that she will cut off contact with him. 
 

But she didn't apologize for all her verbal diahrrhea sharing how this guy had the hots for her and all the rest??

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10 hours ago, samgotti said:

Update: my GF called me and said that she fully agrees with me and that she hadn't viewed the situation from my POV and that she will cut off contact with him. 

I'm sorry? 

She's even worse girlfriend material than she initally seemed. When it takes a threat of a break-up to have a little empathy for your own boyfriend....yikes. 

Good luck with this one, OP. You're going to need it with this chick.

 

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11 hours ago, samgotti said:

Update: my GF called me and said that she fully agrees with me and that she hadn't viewed the situation from my POV and that she will cut off contact with him. 
 

Not too sure I believe it.  Sounds like someone just telling you what you want to hear (imo).  I wouldn't let my guard down just yet.

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16 hours ago, samgotti said:

I don’t really like this situation as I think that this isn’t exactly great behavior in a relationship.

Well she initiated the contact and now wants more, its over i believe.

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I agree with everyone.

You literally had to ask for your gf to respect you (3 months in!), and now she'll get better at her hiding game.

I hope months later you're not going to snoop in her phone because your gut tells you and then you will find more messages and come back here heart broken. Please tread carefully. You always have the right to back out of this regardless of what she's selling you.

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On 6/7/2022 at 10:08 AM, samgotti said:

...said to me that her work mate said that he has a friend who fancies her. The guy who fancies her asked if she has a boyfriend and her work mate said yes. About a week later my GF comes to me and says that she has exchanged numbers with this guy who fancies her and they will have a gym session together.

Oh, geez. Speaking only for myself, I'd have a problem with the stupidity of telling me both of these things.

For that reason alone, regardless of whatever it's supposed to 'mean' or not, I'd just walk away shaking my head. Without argument. Never to return.

My definition of loyalty requires at least a smidge more intelligence and thoughtfulness than this.

 

 

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I had similar situation, but in an age gap relationship.  She is younger and has lots of male friends.  I always provided examples of how it would feel if she was in my shoes.  I let her know some guys have honest intentions, but the ones that have “feelings” for you are not ones I want her to associate with since they are probably orbiters waiting for a shoulder to cry on.  I gave her the option to keep hanging out with these guys or stop communicating with them.  She chose to stop communicating with them.  

We had an honest discussion that everyone is not perfect and most probably aren’t compatible or have the time and energy to deal with each other’s good or bad habits.  My gf used to be secretive and always be on her phone and social media.  I told her I didn’t feel comfortable with her interacting with a bunch of guys that may be interested in going out with her.

I told her if that is what she wants then I gave her the option of an open relationship or me leaving.  She said she didn’t want an open relationship and created other social media accounts, changed her phone number, and stopped going out to bars. It was a total 180 and I’m still confused, but maybe communication was not great at the beginning of the relationship.  I have full access to her phone and she has access to mine.  I know most on here say if you don’t trust, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.  
 

So far everything has been great and communication couldn’t be better.  We have tough and uncomfortable conversations, but if it is what she really wants then both will work on it.  I really hope it works out for you.  Being single is easy as you don’t have to deal with another human’s actions, but everyone has their own tolerance level in relationships.  Most seem to tell you to run at the first sign of issues in the relationship.  I’m glad posters like Rose gave a women’s perspective to my situation and having the tough conversations, heart to heart as she called it, worked and communication couldn’t have been better since.  Good luck to you!

Edited by Kbtoys
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On 6/7/2022 at 10:08 AM, samgotti said:

What bugs me is the fact that she became buddies with him even though she knew that he fancies her.

What's been her longest relationship to date? Could be that she lives for the excitement of new prospects always popping up on the horizon and isn't really ready for a serious relationship. Usually, when two people are in the highs of a new relationship, as you two were only 90 days in, the hormones are running so wild that if you're really into each other, nobody else on the planet even pings on the radar.

Yes, I'd be concerned with her ethics, as usually people's ethics stay pretty steady unless an epiphany occurs. Perhaps this is her epiphany and her maturity level needed a wake-up call. Time will reveal all.

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She is 25 and could still be learning how to be in a proper relationship. None of us and I mean NONE of us knew what we were doing when we got serious with someone when we were young.  We thought we knew but there is so much we had to learn about our partner, ourselves and what a healthy relationship feels like.

 The nuts and bolts are easy. 

-Don't lie

-Don't cheat

-Don't do anything you couldn't tell your partner

There is a lot more and everyone is different with different upbringing that shapes us.

You did the hard thing and spoke up knowing it could end the relationship so good on you.  I would have done it in person or on a voice call but...

 This could be a good thing in the end if it opens up a dialog on boundaries in a healthy relationship.

   Lost

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