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Do I give up on being helpful?


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12 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I get what you are saying. I've been here before. Every time I reflect, then try to change,  I'm being fake. I then try so hard to change myself to not be this way and I convince myself that my feelings are wrong. Like for being a little hurt about Kelly's shower. So I convince myself that my feelings aren't valid, thus I should not be hurt at all, then I'm not embracing me and how I feel. 

I have gone to therapy. I've been told I'm extremely intellectual to the point of some OCD. And I was raised by my mother who thought and still thinks things should be a certain way and just so. It's hard to break that when it's how I was raised and who I am. 

Sorry. Don’t use the excuse if it’s hard cause I was raised that way. You’re better than that.  Many things that are essential or worth it over the alternatives are very very hard including the temptation to rely on “how I was raised”.  No you don’t get a pass. 

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On 6/7/2022 at 8:39 PM, Alex39 said:

I throw dinners, slave away cooking for ladies brunch, spend lots of money having Kelly, and others over, and it's not seen as anything special, it's not appreciated.  

Kelly has never cooked me dinner, had me over, hosted a party, or spent any money on me.

I really think it would help you to abandon the bean-counting where friendships are concerned.

Do you have any friendships that don't disappoint you? What is different about them?

Edited by Jibralta
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13 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I really think it would help you to abandon the bean-counting where friendships are concerned.

Do you have any friendships that don't disappoint you? What is different about them?

Yes, exactly. When you play a narrative that says, "I'm going to do all this great stuff for people, and all I expect in return is ___" then you've set yourself up for disappointment. You've created expectations in your own head while you've assigned a 'should' to other people.

That's a recipe for martyrdom misery. It places you on this pedestal of fabulosity that others don't worship, but might resent, because most people don't LIKE to be told what to do!

The etiquette taught by your Mom worked well for her during her age of entertaining--but today all I hear from older hosts are laments that they can't even get an RSVP from people, much less expect that they will BYOB.

This doesn't mean that the entertainers of yesteryear were 'wrong' or that their social norms were unhealthy, it means that social adaptation to today's bucking of 'rules' is a self protective way to remain social without self injury.

Especially when you are dealing with classes of people who were never exposed to, much less raised with, a grounding in such social norms.

So on the one hand you hold compassion for your friend who doesn't even own her own pot to pee in, but on the other you hold her to standards of appreciation for social norms that she clearly DOESN'T KNOW. Those are not HER standards.

And when she sounds squirmy about that, you nail her for being dishonest, when the fact is, she doesn't know how to tell you to stop trying to manipulate her.

 

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On 6/11/2022 at 1:43 PM, catfeeder said:

Yes, exactly. When you play a narrative that says, "I'm going to do all this great stuff for people, and all I expect in return is ___" then you've set yourself up for disappointment. You've created expectations in your own head while you've assigned a 'should' to other people.

That's a recipe for martyrdom misery. It places you on this pedestal of fabulosity that others don't worship, but might resent, because most people don't LIKE to be told what to do!

The etiquette taught by your Mom worked well for her during her age of entertaining--but today all I hear from older hosts are laments that they can't even get an RSVP from people, much less expect that they will BYOB.

This doesn't mean that the entertainers of yesteryear were 'wrong' or that their social norms were unhealthy, it means that social adaptation to today's bucking of 'rules' is a self protective way to remain social without self injury.

Especially when you are dealing with classes of people who were never exposed to, much less raised with, a grounding in such social norms.

So on the one hand you hold compassion for your friend who doesn't even own her own pot to pee in, but on the other you hold her to standards of appreciation for social norms that she clearly DOESN'T KNOW. Those are not HER standards.

And when she sounds squirmy about that, you nail her for being dishonest, when the fact is, she doesn't know how to tell you to stop trying to manipulate her.

 

I see what you are saying about the bean counting. I see how that can make me disappointed.  I think I need to work hard on not over-giving as I've done, because my worth is not based on that. I think I've just been that way forever, so it's a hard habit to break. I always thought giving makes me valuable. I'm always thinking "how canI be liked?" And "what can I do to be memorable and valuable?"

I don't know why I do this. I do know that it's bad. I've been fighting it hard for years. 

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask everyone to bring something to a party. They could bring $1 Napkins or anything. 

 

I do not at all think I am superior to anyone. I do however work very hard. I was raised to work for what you want. I work very hard for the life I want. I was raised poor. It was instilled in me to work harder for a better life. 

 

I somewhat judge Kelly, yes. She and her husband are poor. She complains like they deserve more, but they both work casual part time jobs. They have both been presented with higher paying Jon's, but both continue making very little money. 

I don't expect a house, a party, a job I work for it. 

 

I have never ever manipulated her, ever. I was so elated that she was pregnant.  For months, I was the only one to know about it. I was so supportive of her. Letting her talk about it, getting her the gift, being really excited for her. I was super excited for the shower. I'm still very excited for her still. This is such a haply time in her life. Her mother in law is throwing the shower and I let her know that I'd attend as her friend. All is okay.

 

And as someone else mentioned, I think how you were raised has a lot to do with how you are as am adult. Around 27, 28, I started trying to break away from my family mindset. And growing into who I am alone. I'm still figuring that out. 

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12 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

And as someone else mentioned, I think how you were raised has a lot to do with how you are as am adult. Around 27, 28, I started trying to break away from my family mindset. And growing into who I am alone. I'm still figuring that out. 

It can.  And as an adult you get to make different choices and there is no reason other than extreme circumstances to blame your parents for whatever is going on.  Not saying "you" are doing this to an extreme but somewhat, yes.  I hope you enjoy your journey taking actions to figure it out and make your own choices!

Perhaps Kelly is underemployed right now because she's having pregnancy related issues she doesn't care to share with you.  Don't assume.

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My family and I are very close and they do sometimes influence my life still. I think the best thing for me is living away from them. 

My mother- and father, are wonderful, caring, hard working, great parents. I love them so much. I had a great childhood full of love, vacations, new toys, family traditions, happiness, even though my parents didn't have a ton of money. 

My mother growing up though, always corrected me. 

" why did you say that"

"Don't stand that way"

"Don't walk that way"

"You look ridiculous"

"Just trying to help you"

She still does it now. 

As I got into puberty, I lost my little girl self and became a very shy, shell. I was always afraid to look dumb. I'd always cling to her, follow her lead, because I didnt want to look, seem, talk, be wrong. I was like this all through my teen years. I wasn't myself. I did fun things, I talked of course, but I never really found myself or who I was. I was always self conscious.  I always looked to her to make the best decision for me. If I was left to make it myself, she always had comments about it. 

I've tried talking to my mother about this. But she blames me and says it was my personality. But I blame her. 

She controlled me in a way, she didn't even realize. I trusted her and didn't learn to trust myself. If we walked in a store, and I liked something, and she said she didn't like it, I wouldn't buy it. Even though, I really liked it. 

When I went away to college, I did grow a lot. I lived on a campus. I got to be myself, make tons of decisions that were solely mine. I felt more free. I made mistakes, and have regrets, but they are mine. I worked hard and grew a lot. I have lived on my own ever since. I found in my mid-20s is when I started falling back into my shell. I started reverting back into my mom. I think because I started living alone and was lonely and needed my mom. 

I'm now 31 and I feel like I am trying to figure myself out. My mom still tries to control me. She doesnt even realize it. Every time I eat something, she makes a comment. Recently, I was on a vacation and was sneaking snacks because I knew she'd tell me to put it away. I'm 31, and sneaking food. Its insanity. If I'm around her she controls what I eat. She told me to put away a snack and I told her I was hungry. I was. She said "well I'm not hungry, and we ate the same today, so you shouldn't be either." I then told her I was, and that she and I aren't the same body. She didn't care. 

She even told me to get out of the pool on vacation, and I felt so embarrassed.  I was just having a good time. I could use my own judgement on when to get out. 

She gives me this look,or kicks under the table, or mouths orders to me. She gets really mad when you don't obey her. 

I've been trying to break free of this for a year. It's really hard. She's a caring mother. She honestly thinks she's helping me. 

I've worked with a therapist to try and regain my own voice and my own self. I want to trust myself. I don't have to listen or be what she wants. 

I think I put some of this onto my friends. The same judgement abd proper-Ness onto them. I hate it and I don't want to be this way. 

 

 

 

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Posted (edited)
8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

It can.  And as an adult you get to make different choices and there is no reason other than extreme circumstances to blame your parents for whatever is going on.  Not saying "you" are doing this to an extreme but somewhat, yes.  I hope you enjoy your journey taking actions to figure it out and make your own choices!

Perhaps Kelly is underemployed right now because she's having pregnancy related issues she doesn't care to share with you.  Don't assume.

Kelly has been working this same job for years. She loves it. But she barely works or makes money. She loves it because it isn't hard work. It's not due to pregnancy.  She left a higher paying job for this easy job years ago. The other job had her busy and working 40 hours like a regular person. She didn't like the structure, pressure, or schedule, so she left for a casual 32 hour a week job. That's the job she has now. She took a pay cut. Husband only works 9 months in the year, doesn't take on extra to make ends meet. She told me herself he sits and plays video games for three months and waits for his job to start again. 

 

I'm glad they are happy. Maybe I'm judging. But that is the life they are choosing, so they shouldn't complain that they live in his parents house and she constantly thinks the parents should give, give, give, to them. His parents don't charge them for rent or anything in the house. 

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I think it's fine when parents have influence.  Mine does -my dad passed away and I just saw my mom first time since Feb. 2020.  I'm 55, she's 87.  I put great stock in her wisdom, insights, opinions.  She's amazing.  Influence -yes -control - no.  There's a difference in my mind. We talked a lot about parenting and yes when she said I looked tired, I took that to heart more than if it was a friend -she's my mother.  She knows when I'm not taking the best care of myself!

I think controlling is bad of course but influence - I mean sure, depending.

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2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think it's fine when parents have influence.  Mine does -my dad passed away and I just saw my mom first time since Feb. 2020.  I'm 55, she's 87.  I put great stock in her wisdom, insights, opinions.  She's amazing.  Influence -yes -control - no.  There's a difference in my mind. We talked a lot about parenting and yes when she said I looked tired, I took that to heart more than if it was a friend -she's my mother.  She knows when I'm not taking the best care of myself!

I think controlling is bad of course but influence - I mean sure, depending.

If my mom said I looked tired and thought I should rest more, I call that caring. 

If I go to my mom's house, she controls what I eat by telling me to put snacks away,bring firm, even taking it and closing it herself. I find this controlling. 

She just always has a comment about everything. She made a fuss once because I wanted to hang a clock at MY house higher than she likes on the wall. She made comment after comment after comment. Even though I said I liked it. 

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5 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

Kelly has been working this same job for years. She loves it. But she barely works or makes money. She loves it because it isn't hard work. It's not due to pregnancy.  

Please stop making these broad assumptions -even if she told you that or you think she did.  A number of people assumed I'd be back at work after 4 days of maternity leave.  That's how they thought they knew me -that was my impression I gave -I never ever said that or implied that because it wasn't true.  I was fairly certain I wanted to be a full time mom and I was for the first 7.5 years.  

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1 minute ago, Alex39 said:

If my mom said I looked tired and thought I should rest more, I call that caring. 

If I go to my mom's house, she controls what I eat by telling me to put snacks away,bring firm, even taking it and closing it herself. I find this controlling. 

She just always has a comment about everything. She made a fuss once because I wanted to hang a clock at MY house higher than she likes on the wall. She made comment after comment after comment. Even though I said I liked it. 

As the late Dr. Joy Browne used to say -be cheerful and stupid when people cross boundaries "oh, really? thanks so much for your suggestion! I'll think about it, thanks!" And then move along.  It's hard as a parent sometimes not to hover -even with an adult child -I have to restrain myself as I did when we visited my mom - she let my son take too much cereal/fruit/toppings in the morning -too much meaning I knew he wouldn't finish/waste food.  But they were having such a blast "making cereal" I told myself to let it go and left them to their fun.  

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1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Please stop making these broad assumptions -even if she told you that or you think she did.  A number of people assumed I'd be back at work after 4 days of maternity leave.  That's how they thought they knew me -that was my impression I gave -I never ever said that or implied that because it wasn't true.  I was fairly certain I wanted to be a full time mom and I was for the first 7.5 years.  

Kelly said she really wants to stay home for good.  She carries the health insurance. So I convinced her to keep this job. I asked her what she'd do if they didn't have medical insurance with a baby. Her husband can't get any. She said "Oh we'll just go on state aid, welfare."

I just have a different mindset. I like to work, will work, and will only be a stay at home mom if my husband can support myself and children. Her husband making around $15,000 a year, no benefits, isn't enough to support three humans where we live. They have two cars. And they want a house. It's just isnt realistic. 

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2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

As the late Dr. Joy Browne used to say -be cheerful and stupid when people cross boundaries "oh, really? thanks so much for your suggestion! I'll think about it, thanks!" And then move along.  It's hard as a parent sometimes not to hover -even with an adult child -I have to restrain myself as I did when we visited my mom - she let my son take too much cereal/fruit/toppings in the morning -too much meaning I knew he wouldn't finish/waste food.  But they were having such a blast "making cereal" I told myself to let it go and left them to their fun.  

My mother embarrasses me and forces her agenda.

Kicking me under the table to stop talking or telling a story she doesn't want me to tell. Mouthing to me to stop eating. Telling me to walk different. 

Most instances aren't occasion for "I'll consider it, thanks"

And if I do say that she says "well then you'll keep looking foolish"

and "no wonder you dont have a guy"

One time we were ordering at an ice cream stand. Because of covid they had one of those plastic window things- a big plastic sheet up. So the person was struggling to hear my order. I kept trying to speak up. My mother physically grabbed my neck and head with her hands and shoved my head towards the plastic barricade.  I turned, freaked out, and told her not to touch me in a loud voice. I was so embarrassed and confused. All the people there were looking at the scene.  I stood crying at the booth while my mother stalked away. She later claimed I embarrassed her. 

This was only two years ago. 

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2 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

So I convinced her to keep this job. I asked her what she'd do if they didn't have medical insurance with a baby. Her husband can't get any. She said "Oh we'll just go on state aid, welfare."

I just have a different mindset. I like to work, will work, and will only be a stay at home mom if my husband can support myself and children.

LOL you are complaining your mom is controlling and you took it upon yourself to "convince" Kelly to keep a job? 

I started saving 11 years before I gave birth.  I knew I wanted to be home full time.  I knew I might marry someone who couldn't be a sole provider.  So when I was single and once I paid off my grad school loans I started saving a lot so that if I wanted to stay home I'd have a nest egg from which I could contribute $ as needed. 

I invested that $ with reputable financial advisors/banks, etc so that I had investment income coming in.  I didn't have to go back to work because of that plus my husband's income.  But I wanted to work in my field again.  As a SAHM I rarely stayed in one place or at home with my child - it was a really active, hard job with long, unpredictable hours.  

Please do let Kelly make her own decisions as an adult unless it's truly a matter of life and death for her or her child.  Think about how you would feel if your mother tried to "convince" you about such a major life decision.  

 

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Just now, Alex39 said:

My mother embarrasses me and forces her agenda.

Kicking me under the table to stop talking or telling a story she doesn't want me to tell. Mouthing to me to stop eating. Telling me to walk different. 

Most instances aren't occasion for "I'll consider it, thanks"

And if I do say that she says "well then you'll keep looking foolish"

and "no wonder you dont have a guy"

One time we were ordering at an ice cream stand. Because of covid they had one of those plastic window things- a big plastic sheet up. So the person was struggling to hear my order. I kept trying to speak up. My mother physically grabbed my neck and head with her hands and shoved my head towards the plastic barricade.  I turned, freaked out, and told her not to touch me in a loud voice. I was so embarrassed and confused. All the people there were looking at the scene.  I stood crying at the booth while my mother stalked away. She later claimed I embarrassed her. 

This was only two years ago. 

There is always an opportunity to enforce boundaries.  Doesn't need to be "I'll consider it thanks" -enforcing can mean physically leaving, giving a sweet smile and moving your body away from her, putting up your hand in a stop sign with a neutral look, etc.  We had lunch with a family friend.  She kept going on and on about who our son looks like.  Like many do but I don't enjoy it after a certain extent.  So I said "you know I'm not a fan of talking about who a child looks like.  I think my son looks like himself." She replied with yet another comparison so I just gave her a blank look and changed the topic.  

 

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2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

LOL you are complaining your mom is controlling and you took it upon yourself to "convince" Kelly to keep a job? 

I started saving 11 years before I gave birth.  I knew I wanted to be home full time.  I knew I might marry someone who couldn't be a sole provider.  So when I was single and once I paid off my grad school loans I started saving a lot so that if I wanted to stay home I'd have a nest egg from which I could contribute $ as needed. 

I invested that $ with reputable financial advisors/banks, etc so that I had investment income coming in.  I didn't have to go back to work because of that plus my husband's income.  But I wanted to work in my field again.  As a SAHM I rarely stayed in one place or at home with my child - it was a really active, hard job with long, unpredictable hours.  

Please do let Kelly make her own decisions as an adult unless it's truly a matter of life and death for her or her child.  Think about how you would feel if your mother tried to "convince" you about such a major life decision.  

 

Thats my whole point. As caring, sweet, and smart as I am. My mother instilled in me her judgement my whole life and I throw it on friends. I don't want to be this way. 

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Just now, Alex39 said:

Thats my whole point. As caring, sweet, and smart as I am. My mother instilled in me her judgement my whole life and I throw it on friends. I don't want to be this way. 

You don't have to.  But are you willing to roll up your sleeves and change how you react to your urges to judge and control every single day?  I have to make choices like that every single day as a wife and mother.  Meaning not giving in to big  feelings like stress and frustration, annoyance, irritation.   It's hard.  It's really worth it. 

Today I desperately wanted to text my husband to find out ASAP if our son did ok at his brand new camp and brand new CIT job.  He picked him up.  I restrained myself.  I didn't want him to have to respond when he was busy and probably all sweaty lol and I wanted to show that I trusted him that if there was some sort of problem he'd let me know. 

I had to trust him Saturday that his plan for how we were getting to the airport was going to get us there on time.  It was so hard and I did ok at it -not perfect -but my point is I was very conscious of my choices and reactions and suffered in silence for part of it.  

I get the urge to work hard and do things "right" and on time and the way you think it should be done at all times.  And if you act on that urge too much you'll repel people and have things the way you want them to enjoy.  Alone IMO.

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1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

You don't have to.  But are you willing to roll up your sleeves and change how you react to your urges to judge and control every single day?  I have to make choices like that every single day as a wife and mother.  Meaning not giving in to big  feelings like stress and frustration, annoyance, irritation.   It's hard.  It's really worth it. 

Today I desperately wanted to text my husband to find out ASAP if our son did ok at his brand new camp and brand new CIT job.  He picked him up.  I restrained myself.  I didn't want him to have to respond when he was busy and probably all sweaty lol and I wanted to show that I trusted him that if there was some sort of problem he'd let me know. 

I had to trust him Saturday that his plan for how we were getting to the airport was going to get us there on time.  It was so hard and I did ok at it -not perfect -but my point is I was very conscious of my choices and reactions and suffered in silence for part of it.  

I get the urge to work hard and do things "right" and on time and the way you think it should be done at all times.  And if you act on that urge too much you'll repel people and have things the way you want them to enjoy.  Alone IMO.

I agree and see what you are saying. I an working on this. It isn't easy, but at least I try.its tough. When I repel these feelings, I feel I end up acting fake. Putting on a fake smile and acting like everything is rainbows and puppies. 

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2 hours ago, Alex39 said:

Kelly said she really wants to stay home for good.  She carries the health insurance. So I convinced her to keep this job. I asked her what she'd do if they didn't have medical insurance with a baby. Her husband can't get any. She said "Oh we'll just go on state aid, welfare."

I just have a different mindset. I like to work, will work, and will only be a stay at home mom if my husband can support myself and children. Her husband making around $15,000 a year, no benefits, isn't enough to support three humans where we live. They have two cars. And they want a house. It's just isnt realistic. 

I understand what you're saying about Kelly.  I also know that this is just an anonymous forum so you're just expressing yourself and how you feel. I guess that's what forums are for. However I get a sense from a lot of your posts that you feel annoyance and frustration at your close friends because they live these lives that are not like yours and don't do what you do. I understand some of it may be coming from your mother and your upbringing but I just don't think that this way of thinking is doing you any favours.

I think that's great that you work hard for what you want and good on you for that! You're commanding your life and doing what you want and that's fantastic. In regards to what other people want or how they live, that is actually not your concern. I think your frustration and expectations come from the fact that you WANT people to be more like you.

For example, it annoys you that Kelly and her husband are poor but yet they won't get better jobs. First of all why do you care about this? Kelly being poor doesn't take anything away from you. You still have your great job, apartment, education, whatever you want. You can enjoy her friendship (and others) without having this overwhelming involvement and concern for her way of life. If you just accept that people are different, I think a lot of this frustration will be lifted away.

When people expect that other people should be like them, really they could put that expectation on anybody based on anything. For example, Kelly could say: "Oh why doesn't Alex have a boyfriend or a baby, she's already 31. I have a husband and a baby so why doesn't she?" You see what I'm getting at?

I also want to point out that just because someone is doing a lower paid job that they can do doesn't mean that they're lazy or don't want to do better. Have you considered that maybe Kelly actually enjoys this job? 

I have a university degree from a good university. I wanted to be a psychologist but I didn't continue to do the post graduate studies at the time because I decided to start working as I lived out of home.

Back in 2013 I did some volunteer work in an art class for people with disabilities. I really enjoyed it and enjoyed helping them. After that I decided to do a Diploma of Disability and I got into that work straight afterwards. I've been doing this work for about 8 years now and I've been in my current job for six years. In my country this is not a high paid job. In fact there's a very high demand for this kind of work so they just really need people. Often they'll give the job to someone with no or minimal education or qualifications. And here's me doing this work who was a perfect student at school and actually has a university degree. I know I can "do better", I'm aware of this. But I actually don't see a need to do better because I actually don't want to. I LIKE my job. I'm happy. If other people think I'm unambitious or lazy, whatever. 

My point is, don't worry about what other people are doing. They obviously have reasons why they're doing it and it doesn't affect you so effectively it's none of your business.

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Your mother sounds manipulative and abusive, OP. 

6 hours ago, Alex39 said:

My mother physically grabbed my neck and head with her hands and shoved my head towards the plastic barricade. 

This is unacceptable. None of what you describe from her is caring. It's controlling and mean-sprited. 

I think you need to keep some space from her, and not spend so much time with her. She makes you feel like crap, and it seems you are projecting your need for approval from her onto your friends as you try to win their approval too. And the same way your mom tries to control you, you try to control your friends and project assumptions on to them. 

The same way you want your mom to leave you be, your friends probably want you to leave them be, too. 

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9 hours ago, Alex39 said:

 She honestly thinks she's helping me.  

Interestingly, you honestly think you're helping others too in the same condescending judgemental way. You've become your mother.

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10 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I agree and see what you are saying. I an working on this. It isn't easy, but at least I try.its tough. When I repel these feelings, I feel I end up acting fake. Putting on a fake smile and acting like everything is rainbows and puppies. 

That's ridiculous - why would you act that way?  No need to smile and be Pollyanna - and you know it.  The real work is in finding the appropriate balance.  It's hard.  And yes sometimes fake it till you make it but not as you put it.

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9 hours ago, Tinydance said:

My point is, don't worry about what other people are doing. They obviously have reasons why they're doing it and it doesn't affect you so effectively it's none of your business.

Example - my friend of over 40 years has been a SAHM/housewife since 1996.  Their child is in her mid 20s, on her own, in grad school. Around 15 years ago my friend was misdiagnosed several times as a bored housewife when in reality it was a benign brain tumor from birth.  She's ok - no cancer- but multiple surgeries, and MRIs annually where sometimes they find something to keep "watching".  So stressful.  Her balance can be problematic.

She's a private person.  She told me but she doesn't just share this info around so I am sure she's been judged as you know lazy/why isn't she working/she has no kids at home, etc.  There are many examples of this in life including people with mental illnesses that are "invisible" but affect their daily living.

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16 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Your mother sounds manipulative and abusive, OP. 

This is unacceptable. None of what you describe from her is caring. It's controlling and mean-sprited. 

I think you need to keep some space from her, and not spend so much time with her. She makes you feel like crap, and it seems you are projecting your need for approval from her onto your friends as you try to win their approval too. And the same way your mom tries to control you, you try to control your friends and project assumptions on to them. 

The same way you want your mom to leave you be, your friends probably want you to leave them be, too. 

She is a good mom. If I'm sick, she runs over and cares for me. She'll come over and help me with house projects, work outside, and she'll kill herself doing it, so I'm happy. She helped me fix up my house. She brings me food or buys me little things. She throws me money occasionally when she knows I'm low on gas or groceries. She cares a lot. I think she's afraid to lose me, so she sometimes tries to keep me close. 

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