Jump to content

Non responsive after vacay


gq7mss
 Share

Recommended Posts

Posted (edited)

Well one red flag few days ago, I didn't mention this. I was chilling with her guy cousin who is my best friend for years now (how I initially met her).

He asked if we were still talking, I said yes it's going well but haven't heard form her since I went on my trip. He mentioned "I swore she was dating someone". My heart kinda sunk and I told him if she is, she's cheating on him (again we been hooking up for essentially two months with romantic/deep conversations, flirting, and getting vulnerable).

But again lack of transparency from her end on another guy until this past text so I really don't know if she's just been in a relationship all along. Two weeks ago I was hanging out with her sisters, and a few of her other friends so it's all a bit confusing. 

My best bet might be to just say "Hey, I have some romantic feelings for you so I don't think just being friends will work for me. if you change your mind lmk. Otherwise I wish you the best with this guy."
 

Edited by gq7mss
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, gq7mss said:

if you change your mind

I don't get why you would ever be happy with someone who initially chose someone else over you after spending an entire 2 months with you.

If it didn't work out with this other guy, the only reason I could guess she would reach out to you is to soothe her bruised ego.

Save yourself the heartache and block her. She didn't even have enough respect for you to let you know, until you asked, that she was no longer interested in dating you until you nudged, a second time, for a response. She is not a kind person. True, you weren't exclusive, but after 2 whole months of dating, she knew you were into her, and she couldn't even be a decent human being and given you closure so you could emotionally move on ASAP.

You're lacking in life experience if you actually would give someone like this a second chance. Hold out for a woman who will be crazy about you. She's never been.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, gq7mss said:

Well one red flag few days ago, I didn't mention this. I was chilling with her guy cousin who is my best friend for years now (how I initially met her).

He asked if we were still talking, I said yes it's going well but haven't heard form her since I went on my trip. He mentioned "I swore she was dating someone". My heart kinda sunk and I told him if she is, she's cheating on him (again we been hooking up for essentially two months with romantic/deep conversations, flirting, and getting vulnerable).

But again lack of transparency from her end on another guy until this past text so I really don't know if she's just been in a relationship all along. Two weeks ago I was hanging out with her sisters, and a few of her other friends so it's all a bit confusing. 

My best bet might be to just say "Hey, I have some romantic feelings for you so I don't think just being friends will work for me. if you change your mind lmk. Otherwise I wish you the best with this guy."
 

It's ok to walk away. I wouldn't leave the door open. 

Don't feel guilty for keeping it succinct and short. You don't owe her a large explanation for not seeing her again. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ya don't ever leave the door open like that, and showing vulnerability....you are giving her all the power to come back and screw you over again. Don't show weakness. Just cut her off. By the sounds of it she's a bit on an emotional user. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, gq7mss said:

 Two weeks ago I was hanging out with her sisters, and a few of her other friends so it's all a bit confusing. 

 

The girlies have a code....mind their own business on those types of matters. I know my group did. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, gq7mss said:

. . .clearly she was dating/hooking up with him along side me . . . 

But you weren't exclusive, right?  You've apparently both been open to others this whole time--she found a guy and you've got several women in the pipeline.  Why aren't you focusing on one or more of them instead of chasing after someone who has found someone else and is no longer available?

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not chasing she was just higher in my prospects mostly due to our mental connection, deep conversations, mutual passions, etc. Also her opening up to me about her previous abusive boyfriend making it difficult for her to open up just kind of made me feel like she was really opening up to me.  It also just felt fun and effortless. 

I had went on a few dates with another girl but no weren't exclusive. But my understanding from her cousin is she was actually in a relationship (not dating) while we were talking. Regardless I don't think there's much more to talk about here.

She's asking for a friendship and to hang out again. I could either agree to be friends (not beneficial), be cordial and wish her luck with this new guy, or just not respond. 

Either way not putting effort into it anymore. Time for me to move on and put energy into those who appreciate and value me. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, gq7mss said:

He mentioned "I swore she was dating someone".

 

9 hours ago, gq7mss said:

Two weeks ago I was hanging out with her sisters, and a few of her other friends

Eh, she's probably been on-off with the other guy, and you were the one she dated during an "off" period. But he came back around and so she distanced herself from you, and now here we are. Her sisters and friends likely all knew she had been dating someone else but didn't see the issue with meeting you if they thought he was out of the picture. 

I wouldn't bother telling her to let you know if she changes her mind. Don't volunteer to be her back-up. There is no need for any further conversation at this point. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, gq7mss said:

 Also her opening up to me about her previous abusive boyfriend making it difficult for her to open up just kind of made me feel like she was really opening up to me. 

This right there, is a red flag. Opening up like that is them using you as their emotional tampon. A lot of guys see that as a form of intimacy...trust me on this, it's not. That's an attention getter. She was an emotional succubus. So going forward if a chick starts talkin about how bad things are or were with another guy on your dates, run the other way or you are just opening up yourself to Shinning Knight Syndrome. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

This right there, is a red flag. Opening up like that is them using you as their emotional tampon. A lot of guys see that as a form of intimacy...trust me on this, it's not. That's an attention getter. She was an emotional succubus. So going forward if a chick starts talkin about how bad things are or were with another guy on your dates, run the other way or you are just opening up yourself to Shinning Knight Syndrome. 

I learned this one the hard way back in college, I had a bunch of classes with this cute girl and we started hanging out daily, I even got her to come out for a drink, then when I asked her out again she told me she couldn't because she had to clean her apartment !

I then knew something was up but we still had classes together and then it started, ex this, ex that, it was all she cared about.  We were also facebook friends, she would go to a bar for 2 hours yet upload 50+ pictures of herself at the bar (weekly!), all to try and make the guy jealous.  Thats when I clued in, the semester ended and I never saw her again.

Edited by ManyDates
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...