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Non responsive after vacay


gq7mss
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Hello, looking for a bit of advice here. For nearly two months now I've had success with a girl of interest in courting/dating.  I've set the frame which has been me reaching out during the week once or twice initiating convo with setting up a date for the weekend. We have seen each other every weekend since. The dates are pretty magical and she usually confirms that she had an amazing time. 

The last two weeks she started to respond a bit slower to messages, usually the day after, so I mirror'ed this behavior not so much on purpose but because I was actually busy. Not a huge deal as she'd apologize but I did find it a tad inconsiderate desite it only occurring maybe two times. 

In any case I saw her not this past weekend but the weekend before.  That following Wednesday I was flying out to LA and was gone for 8 nights (she knew this).

I decided to not contact her during this period to see if she'd initiate text, I didn't get a single text. Not even a "hey, how's the vacay". 

This past Thursday I was flying back home so I decided to initiate and I sent her text asking how she was and if she wanted to get together. Obviously today is Sunday and I've gotten no response. 

My question is should I message her again if I don't hear from her by let's say tomorrow or Tuesday?  Or should I assume she saw my text and is purposely ignoring it for whatever reason and let it go despite the dates always being fun, with deep convo, and good physical interaction? 

People are attached to there phones so I find it hard to believe she didn't see it. Any advice is greatly appreciated. 

Edited by gq7mss
Needed to add context.
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The ball is in her court now to contact you, so don't contact her anymore. Let her do it.

However, it seems this has fizzled out for some reason and she was slowly distancing herself for you to get the hint. So if she does or does not respond back, best leave it at that.

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53 minutes ago, gq7mss said:

I decided to not contact her during this period to see if she'd initiate text, I didn't get a single text. 

If things were going this well and you like her why would you play this game?

Ask to see her, if again there's no reply, then it seems she ghosted you after you decided to  ghost her for a week.

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I’m not sure why you felt the need to test her in this way. What I would have done is texted less - why? Because she knew you couldn’t see her that weekend as you were away. And people on vacay often are in their own world and “away”. So you text to say “hey I arrived - having fun - looking forward to seeing you when I return and hope you’re doing well!”  Then you text again before you are returning “hey as you know I’m back tomorrow - hope you’re having  a great week. When are you free next week? Looking forward to seeing you !”  What’s so hard about keeping in casual touch and making a plan in advance 

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1 hour ago, gq7mss said:

I decided to not contact her during this period to see if she'd initiate text, I didn't get a single text.

I imagine she was trying to give you some space to enjoy your vacation, OP. Testing her like this was a tad misguided. 

I am not surprised she didn't reply to your last message. She probably thought you ghosted her. 

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I wasn't testing or ghosting, I was the last one to send a text before leaving on my trip. I mentioned "I already can't wait to see you when I get back". 

I went on my trip, she had all the opportunities in the world to reach out. Hey, how are you. How, how's the trip. Hope you're having fun.  

I then messaged her I was returning and asked when she was free to get together after the 8 days or whatever apart. 

It has to be a two way street. I have other girls interested right now and they initiate texts.  

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Agreed. I sent one last text to give her the benefit of the doubt. Simply said "Hey, what are you up to? Is everything alright?".  She didn't respond so moving on, appreciate everyone's input. 

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She can say whatever she wants about the dates, but her interest is way too low here. Responding after a day or not at all, not even expressing desire to reach out, is a good grounds to just leave the whole thing. 

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11 hours ago, gq7mss said:

 I have other girls interested right now and they initiate texts.  

Ok. If you are not exclusive, that explains a lot. Just move forward. It seems like she already has.

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She responded. Asked me how my trip was. Said sorry she needed a few days to think about things. Essentially saying within the week I was gone things sped and got serious with another man (clearly she was dating/hooking up with him along side me). Nothing progresses from nothing to a relationship within a week. 

She said she is definitely up to still meet because she loves my company and hanging out. She said no pressure of course and sorry this is late and over text.  She said she doesn't want to be misleading if we do hang out again. 

My personal feelings is to a) fully ignore. B) Tell her I see her as a romantic interest and to hit me up if anything changes otherwise I'm not interested in being just friends.  Or C) meet up with her and just talk it through in person and make a decision from there. 

Thoughts?

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30 minutes ago, gq7mss said:

the week I was gone things sped and got serious with another man clearly she was dating/hooking up with him along side me.

If she's with someone, then don't bother.

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44 minutes ago, gq7mss said:

Thoughts?

You dont have to ignore, just say nicely over mesage that you wanted this to progess further and that if she already made the decision to continue with somebody else, there is no need to meet and wish all the best. There is really no need for you to keep going on the dates with her. Or even to wait if she changes her mind or to be a "reserve" if other thing fails. Just bow out and date somebody else who will see you as no1 option. 

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2 hours ago, gq7mss said:

She responded. Asked me how my trip was. Said sorry she needed a few days to think about things. Essentially saying within the week I was gone things sped and got serious with another man (clearly she was dating/hooking up with him along side me). Nothing progresses from nothing to a relationship within a week. 

She said she is definitely up to still meet because she loves my company and hanging out. She said no pressure of course and sorry this is late and over text.  She said she doesn't want to be misleading if we do hang out again. 

My personal feelings is to a) fully ignore. B) Tell her I see her as a romantic interest and to hit me up if anything changes otherwise I'm not interested in being just friends.  Or C) meet up with her and just talk it through in person and make a decision from there. 

Thoughts?

Firstly, if I had progressed from meeting someone to "serious", I wouldn't be contacting another guy to ask him to hang out. It's questionable judgment or behaviour overall on her part. There's nothing to discuss or talk about so don't meet with her.

Just thank her for letting you know and wish her well. Keep it short like that. Be gracious as that reflects on you as a man.

I would not respond to the part about meeting up or hanging out. If she tries contacting you again and doesn't take the hint with you wishing her well, block and delete her contact. 

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3 hours ago, gq7mss said:

C) meet up with her and just talk it through in person and make a decision from there. 

What is there to talk through? Or make a decision about? 

She has chosen someone else. She already made the decision. There's nothing for you decide, as she is no longer an option for you. Meeting with her is pointless. I would acknowledge her message and cut contact. 

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We truly don't know if she was dating this guy all along or not. They could have dated before, and he just came out of the woodwork when things started to tail off with you. The fact is, she's just offering you friendship just incase things don't work out with other guy most likely. So there you have it you are someone's "option", on the backburner. Just wish her well and lose her number. 

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5 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

We truly don't know if she was dating this guy all along or not. They could have dated before, and he just came out of the woodwork when things started to tail off with you. The fact is, she's just offering you friendship just incase things don't work out with other guy most likely. So there you have it you are someone's "option", on the backburner. Just wish her well and lose her number. 

Great point !!

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