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Is my coworker interested? Should I make a move before I leave?


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Hello! 

I'm a male in my 30's(M) and my coworker is a 30(F). I've been put in charge of training my replacement over the last 7 weeks, and I've gotten really close with her. We share a lot of similarities down to hobbies, favorite films/tv shows/books, etc. She's a divorcee and has been quite open about her problems in the past with men and whatnot, and I've gotten to know her down to a pretty intimate level. 

At work she's very touchy. Grabbing my arm, getting shoulder to shoulder with me while we look at the computer together, holding my hand when we high-five, squeezing my knees with her knees and telling me "you're trapped!", telling me she wants to hug me over and over, telling me "I'm going to stay in your personal space as much as I can today!". She'll put her head into my chest when she gets embarrassed on occasion. She's an avid volleyball player and keeps showing me videos and saying I should get started and she can train me. We even email/text each other outside of work occasionally. She's called me handsome several times, and that I would make a great father.

Normally I'd think ya that's great! But two things make me think otherwise. I once sent her a text to get food after work the next day and she said yes, but then at the end of the day she sent me a text saying she gets anxiety driving home and since she has a long drive home she'll have to cancel. She didn't suggest any new times to get together. Second thing, she's quite short with texts. Her responses aren't hours or days later, but she's not great at keeping a conversation going. It's not 1-2 word responses, but just not...great? But maybe that's just how her communication goes? 

I'm conflicted now. I feel like at work she's very flirty/touchy (only with me, none of my other colleagues), but outside of work it's kind of cold? Normally if I just worked with her I wouldn't do anything, but since I'm moving to another job next week, I thought I'd give it a shot, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable or have her get upset with me.

 

Any thoughts? Thanks!

 

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She sounds wildly inappropriate at work and flaky too.  If you do ask her out after you leave I'd make it for a public place during the day and stay sober. Unfortunately she sounds unstable and a major flirt but it doesn't necessarily translate into wanting to date you.  

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Posted (edited)

Definitely ask her out for coffee and see how that goes. If she doesn't follow through, then she's not that into you and was sending mixed messages which is a bad date potential sign (and I agree with @Batya33 that she's acted inappropriately at work- don't know if there's anything behind her act). But yes, ask her out.

Edited by DarkCh0c0
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Posted (edited)
51 minutes ago, temporarycontrol said:

at the end of the day she sent me a text saying she gets anxiety driving home and since she has a long drive home she'll have to cancel. She didn't suggest any new times to get together. Second thing, she's quite short with texts.

Start with grabbing lunch/coffee. Keep it simple. That way you can gauge the situation. So far overly friendliness means nothing nor does the texting.

You have her contact info so waiting a week to ask her out on a weekend or when there's no long commute after work would be an alternative.

Edited by Wiseman2
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Posted (edited)

You may not like what I have to say, but here it is. Me and my friends when we were young, liked to joke about archetypes of women we encountered. We called what you described here "a teaser". Girl who would gladly flirt, but, as we joked, would get you to bed and leave you naked there while she just goes home without doing the deed. Sadly, what you described reminds me on that. Somebody who would gladly flirt, perhaps even to extract more info from you and learn more about the job. But not willing for anything else beyond that. Hence cold behavior outside work. 

Maybe I am wrong. Sadly, that kind of behavior reminds me on that. And think that you shouldnt push for anything with the person who is like that.

Edited by Kwothe28
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looks like she has some other issues to work on besides having a crush on you. Her behavior is not good at all to be honest, just go along with that feeling you have now but don't have high hopes on it. Chill on a coffee date with zero expectations, there could be some surprises in that direction.

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3 hours ago, temporarycontrol said:

Thank you all so much for the input. I work with her tomorrow, and I’m wondering if I should just maybe….leave it. I’ve been thinking about it for days now and I feel like maybe it’s best to not say anything. 

Stay connected on LinkedIn or other social media. When you are finished there (One Week!) stay in touch and ask her for coffee then. 

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When I was single, I always went for earthy types of people, and not the type of schmoozer this woman is. To me, these people have a LOT of practice being touchy feely with the opposite sex, so you're really not the one who stands out among a crowd. 

In my experience, people like this know you have a crush on them, and they like to invoke attention, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, they're just not that into you enough to want to date you.

Speaking as a woman, if I was really into a guy, if he asked me to get a bite to eat and I had a valid reason I couldn't, I would ALWAYS suggest an alternate activity or date. I would not let the opportunity slip by and would want to snap up the guy before he lost interest, etc.

The Me Too movement is big right now. Even if she's the one being touchy feely, I wouldn't allow that behavior at work. Things could quickly go sideways with you being the one in trouble for something someone sees and reports, or she could get irritated with you and turn on you, since she does seem like a weirdo and could make trouble for you. 

If you're wanting to meet single women, try Meetup.com for singles in your age group. Good luck at your new job.

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On 6/6/2022 at 9:17 AM, temporarycontrol said:

Thank you all so much for the input. I work with her tomorrow, and I’m wondering if I should just maybe….leave it. I’ve been thinking about it for days now and I feel like maybe it’s best to not say anything. 

Maybe she's being overly obsequious, who knows? But you could stay in touch if you want.

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