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Is she interested and how best to pursue?


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3 hours ago, lshopeful17 said:

Thanks for your input!! I personally think I’ll add her on LinkedIn, but based on my interactions and feeling things out I should proceed with in person interactions for now.  I think that’s where my strengths are.  I understand your point about interacting only in the work environment but I think I need to build up more of a set of personal interactions first.

Yeah I think just try to "stay on her radar". Like, smile at her, say hello, try to chat. Then if the interactions are going well, towards the end of internship maybe say it's been great getting to know her and would she like to go get a coffee or some food?

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19 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

This is smart. You don't want the rest of your internship to be rough if she declines or if something unexpected happens that doesn't work out.

Why not just envy her instead?

My rule of thumb is that I won't do anything where I'm not prepared to suffer consequences for the duration, but near my exit, I'm game.

Keep it non-creepy and you can read her over time.

There is no rush. 

Thank you! I needed to hear this.

i tend to, in my mind, over rush things.  For instance there was a huge happy hour event tonight in which she was there, but there wasn’t a great opportunity for me to talk to her, but for a long while she was talking to this intern who, to me, is a douche.  For some reason stuff like that tends to kill my confidence and make me doubt everything I was feeling before, but you’re right, I need to play a long game here and keep myself relevant and see how things go 

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14 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Yeah I think just try to "stay on her radar". Like, smile at her, say hello, try to chat. Then if the interactions are going well, towards the end of internship maybe say it's been great getting to know her and would she like to go get a coffee or some food?

Added this to another comment, but agreed!  There was a big event tonight all of us were at, including her, but I really didn’t get a chance to talk to her.  I didn’t notice her look at me, but the whole time she was talking to this guy, who to me is kinda a douche.  Anyway it really killed my confidence but you’re definitely right, I need to just keep interacting and keep on the radar

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11 hours ago, lshopeful17 said:

Added this to another comment, but agreed!  There was a big event tonight all of us were at, including her, but I really didn’t get a chance to talk to her.  I didn’t notice her look at me, but the whole time she was talking to this guy, who to me is kinda a douche.  Anyway it really killed my confidence but you’re definitely right, I need to just keep interacting and keep on the radar

These are ordinary people you’re talking about. He hasn’t done anything to you so bring that hostility down a few notches. You’re only hurting yourself.

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Adding to linkedin is one way, another would be just to say "hey we should totally exchange numbers so we can stay in touch" or something along those lines.  Then ask her out over a call or text.  Linkedin leads to the same but doesn't mean much and elongates the process. 

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Posted (edited)

To give everyone an update, she was very happy to see me today and at a happy hour BUT she has a boyfriend I found out. 
 

my gut was wrong yet again, but it’s okay.  I appreciate everyone’s advice!

Also on the plus side, I got up the confidence to approach her tonight which is something I wouldn’t have done before.  And while I found out she’s got a boyfriend, I’m proud I approached her and also met some cool people tonight too.  That alone built my confidence and the other girls I talked with enjoyed my company, so I’m doing something right overall.  I know I’ll find the right person

Edited by lshopeful17
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  • 2 weeks later...
On 6/9/2022 at 10:07 PM, lshopeful17 said:

To give everyone an update, she was very happy to see me today and at a happy hour BUT she has a boyfriend I found out. 
 

my gut was wrong yet again, but it’s okay.  I appreciate everyone’s advice!

Also on the plus side, I got up the confidence to approach her tonight which is something I wouldn’t have done before.  And while I found out she’s got a boyfriend, I’m proud I approached her and also met some cool people tonight too.  That alone built my confidence and the other girls I talked with enjoyed my company, so I’m doing something right overall.  I know I’ll find the right person

So…yes she has a bf but getting even more confusing signals.  And to be upfront, no I wouldn’t go further with anyone while they’re in a relationship.

But — she’s been coming up to me more lately, and seems very happy to see me when we run into each other.  Her face kind of lights up at times.

The lunch we had planned fell through, so I invited her on another because we both met the executive before.  She was very happy I asked her, and she started sending me smiley faces and “hehehe” type messages when I’d say something clever.

We had our lunch, went super well.  She complimented my blazer on our walk there and I made her laugh a lot.  She also I’m fairly sure accidentally touched me 3 times during the lunch / walk back which made me slightly question whether it was in fact accidental. There’s more detail but can’t put it all here.  

Then we went to a sporting event with our company.  She came late but then found me towards the end.  We talked for a solid 30 minutes.  She stood quite close to me, so much so I noticed, and at one time she as very close to me.  She also had me proof an email she was sending and got very close, and this needed no proof reading.

I was making her laugh and she put both her hands on my forearm and gave me like a playful push.  I can’t recall the sequence but then she says, “so you just got out of a LT relationship?”  She knows this because I was there when someone asked if she had a bf, and then they asked me.  I said I’m recently single but never mentioned LT.

She asked where my ex was (in the same city, etc) and I said in a different city, and she asked if it was long distance, and if we broke up long distance.  Before I could answer something in the game happened, and we never got back to that topic.  She is dating her bf long distance during the academic year.
 

We also talked about a lot of non work stuff, a wedding she was going to the next day, her sister, etc but never once has she brought up her bf.  I just got this sense that there’s something there.  If she were single I’d have no doubt she was trying to give me signs but in this situation I have no clue what to make of it.

I can’t tell if she’s showing more and more interest, or if the fact I know she’s got a bf is making her more comfortable just being friendly? Her asking about my relationship was very confusing.

For context she’s mid 20s, I’m late 20s, we’re both in graduate academics and working for this company 

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3 minutes ago, lshopeful17 said:

So…yes she has a bf but getting even more confusing signals.  And to be upfront, no I wouldn’t go further with anyone while they’re in a relationship.

But — she’s been coming up to me more lately, and seems very happy to see me when we run into each other.  Her face kind of lights up at times.

The lunch we had planned fell through, so I invited her on another because we both met the executive before.  She was very happy I asked her, and she started sending me smiley faces and “hehehe” type messages when I’d say something clever.

We had our lunch, went super well.  She complimented my blazer on our walk there and I made her laugh a lot.  She also I’m fairly sure accidentally touched me 3 times during the lunch / walk back which made me slightly question whether it was in fact accidental. There’s more detail but can’t put it all here.  

Then we went to a sporting event with our company.  She came late but then found me towards the end.  We talked for a solid 30 minutes.  She stood quite close to me, so much so I noticed, and at one time she as very close to me.  She also had me proof an email she was sending and got very close, and this needed no proof reading.

I was making her laugh and she put both her hands on my forearm and gave me like a playful push.  I can’t recall the sequence but then she says, “so you just got out of a LT relationship?”  She knows this because I was there when someone asked if she had a bf, and then they asked me.  I said I’m recently single but never mentioned LT.

She asked where my ex was (in the same city, etc) and I said in a different city, and she asked if it was long distance, and if we broke up long distance.  Before I could answer something in the game happened, and we never got back to that topic.  She is dating her bf long distance during the academic year.
 

We also talked about a lot of non work stuff, a wedding she was going to the next day, her sister, etc but never once has she brought up her bf.  I just got this sense that there’s something there.  If she were single I’d have no doubt she was trying to give me signs but in this situation I have no clue what to make of it.

I can’t tell if she’s showing more and more interest, or if the fact I know she’s got a bf is making her more comfortable just being friendly? Her asking about my relationship was very confusing.

For context she’s mid 20s, I’m late 20s, we’re both in graduate academics and working for this company 

She’s a flirt. That is all. Otherwise, not available and a total mess of a rebound even if she does break up with her LD boyfriend. It’s sad that she won’t break up with him and keeps flirting with other men. 

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3 hours ago, lshopeful17 said:

I can’t tell if she’s showing more and more interest, or if the fact I know she’s got a bf is making her more comfortable just being friendly? Her asking about my relationship was very confusing.

She's being friendly, collegial and engaging in some personal chitchat. But she is not sending mixed signals.

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On 6/7/2022 at 6:22 PM, lshopeful17 said:

I don’t disagree but since we work together I’m trying to tread a bit carefully at the moment

Good idea. If I were you I wouldn’t even initiate anything by text with a coworker. Maybe for organizing a lunch with others but that’s maybe it.

When she comes by your workspace or messages you first then of course carry on as usual and if you can make her smile / laugh even better.

I suspect if she likes you she’ll try and be close to you in some way.. 

 

 

Edited by mical
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24 minutes ago, mical said:

Good idea. If I were you I wouldn’t even initiate anything by text with a coworker. Maybe for organizing a lunch with others but that’s maybe it.

When she comes by your workspace or messages you first then of course carry on as usual and if you can make her smile / laugh even better.

I suspect if she likes you she’ll try and be close to you in some way.. 

 

 

Thanks! I’ve actually posted a updates since I replied including that she’s for a bf… but if anything she’s seemed to get closer and more friendly, etc as time has gone on

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11 hours ago, Batya33 said:

If she does date you wouldn't you be worried about whether she is behaving appropriately when she's not with you?

That’s very valid. I’m not going to take any action unless one day she’s single, but I just like to understand the situation from other perspectives, esp reading signs since I’m not good at it

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