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Is she interested and how best to pursue?


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So I’m posting this as a completely oblivious dude lol.  Im looking for advice on how to pursue the situation. Sorry for the novel.

I’m an intern for a company and we had a networking event.  I ended up at a table with this girl and a bunch of others.  We only exchanged pleasantries, but later I was standing alone and she came over to talk to me, and we chatted for a while, then others joined us.  I noticed her eye contact when talking tonight more than I normally do with people.  

At the end of the event, people were going to a bar, and I was thinking of going home, so was she.  Once I got outside, I went and stood next to her while queuing up my Uber when she asked if I was going to the bar.  I just felt like this was less of a “oh hey you going” and more of a “I hope you’re going” but again I’m notorious for having no clue about signs or not.

We ended up walking alone because the other person decided not to go.  We talked for 20 minutes to the bar and had a really good conversation.  She seemed to laugh pretty hard at things I said that I didn’t think were particularly funny.  We were at the same table with others at the bar, and talked together with her friend.  We all left at the same time, and I walked pretty far ahead of her and her friend toward the exit because I didn’t wanna just linger around her and her friend in case it seemed weird or like I was overly interested lol. When I looked back (the bar was very big) her friend was nowhere to be seen but she was coming to the door (in my mind she was walking decently fast but idk if I’m just hoping that lol).  My gut was she would’ve walked with her friend or waited for her unless she wanted to talk to me (she also hadn’t requested her Uber yet).  Then her friend came out a minute later and we all waited for our rides together.

Anyway, we’re also getting lunch next week with an executive at the firm.  He asked her to find some other interns to go along, and I know him and she was very excited about it and mentioned it multiple times that she wanted me to go.

My gut really tells me she has some interest in me.  I’m a very confident person professionally but not really in the attraction dept.  these interactions felt different from girls who I know aren’t interested in me or who simply chat and I overthink it.  I guess maybe I should trust me gut, but how?  Just keep interacting with her and see how things go?

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She might. However you need to show an interest outside of professional one and see. Calling for coffee or drink alone might do the trick.

However, you do have 2 very big "ifs". One is that its a work thing. If things go awry now or later down the line, she is maybe somebody who you would have to see for the work. Second is that she is a networking agent. She talks and networks with everybody because its literally her job. So it might be not that special.

But, nevertheless, at least try to arange to be alone with her outside of work and see how things go.

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Posted (edited)

@Kwothe28 I agree. Be careful it does not affect your daily work. But you should definitely try. At least you throw the ball in her court in some way.

I would honestly act like her when I'm into a guy and would be waiting for him to share his phone number/ask me out if he reciprocates soon enough. So if you like her to, go for it. Got nothing to lose! And yes, listen to your gut!

Edited by DarkCh0c0
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Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, lshopeful17 said:

Im an intern for a company and we had a networking event.  I ended up at a table with this girl and a bunch of others.  

Is she an employee or an intern at this company? You need to tread very carefully with the flirting if you hope to get a position there.

The workplace is not a singles club. Yes co-workers socialize and go out after work, but this is not your cue to hit on her. She's being nice to you because she has to be.

Date outside of work. Surely you have other opportunities?

Edited by Wiseman2
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Thanks! We’re both graduate-level interns at this company (so I’d say we’re both pretty mature people), and we’ll both be leaving the company to go back to school by end of July, then likely offered to work full time once done with school this year.

I’m a very big networker, and these interactions just felt different to me. I wasn’t there looking for anyone to date or even be interested in but it kinda just happened.

I figured I’d chat with her Monday about scheduling that lunch with the executive at the firm, and then maybe sometime after we have that lunch together asking her to coffee and trying to feel out her vibes before actually asking for a date because I am cognizant that we do work together and I don’t want to make things awkward for her.  
 

Im just notoriously bad at flirting, and thinking people are interested in me until it’s way too late.  For whatever reason, things just felt very natural with her and many times something in my head was telling me she’s trying to show she’s interested

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2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is she an employee or an intern at this company? You need to tread very carefully with the flirting if you hope to get a position there.

The workplace is not a singles club. Yes co-workers socialize and go out after work, but this is not your cue to hit on her. She's being nice to you because she has to be.

Date outside of work. Surely you have other opportunities?

I understand.  I’m not a risk taker either and I’m going to be very careful here.  But also, I’ve networked with thousands of people and I would say I’m very good at it.  I’ve never gotten feedback or what my brain was telling me were signals from a woman I was networking with.  I’ve also networked with the other 100 interns at the firm, majority of them women, and never got any vibes from them

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42 minutes ago, lshopeful17 said:

We’re both graduate-level interns at this company  and we’ll both be leaving the company to go back to school by end of July

Connect on social media and when you are out of the internship, ask her out. Keep in mind she may be career oriented and doesn't want to mess that up with messy workplace romances, no matter how much you network or what kind of vibes you are getting. It's fine to have a crush, but step back and only make a move if she does.

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You only just met this person? Keep it cordial, finish the internship, go back to class and keep in touch. Meet with her for coffee after the internship is finished. 

In the meantime you can learn more about her and how she works, thinks, etc. 

You don't have to be good at "flirting". Some people don't even like flirts or overly friendly individuals. You obviously picked up on some vibes from her so keep it professional in the meantime. I think the reason why you're so unsure is because you don't know this person at all and only just met. 

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I would ask her out for lunch before it ends -if she's charming then you don't want her snapped up by someone else. I originally met my husband at work. He was introverted, so shy, took him 8 months to ask me out. We only saw each other at work events -we did not work together or on the same floor.  We met on his first day of work -I attended a breakfast for the new employees and I was newish myself!  I crossed the room to greet him -I'd found out he knew no one from the bios they sent around (all pre-internet). 

Turned out we had a lot in common .I wasn't interested in that way and was dating someone else.  But 8 months later, I wasn't.  We were discreet about dating and everyone knew pretty quickly -yes even pre-internet and pre-cell phones.  But I left the firm within about 6 months of when we started dating (completely unrelated to dating him) and he left maybe 6 months later. It was a great way to meet a spouse!  I also was very big into networking.

Good luck!

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28 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would ask her out for lunch before it ends -if she's charming then you don't want her snapped up by someone else. I originally met my husband at work. He was introverted, so shy, took him 8 months to ask me out. We only saw each other at work events -we did not work together or on the same floor.  We met on his first day of work -I attended a breakfast for the new employees and I was newish myself!  I crossed the room to greet him -I'd found out he knew no one from the bios they sent around (all pre-internet). 

Turned out we had a lot in common .I wasn't interested in that way and was dating someone else.  But 8 months later, I wasn't.  We were discreet about dating and everyone knew pretty quickly -yes even pre-internet and pre-cell phones.  But I left the firm within about 6 months of when we started dating (completely unrelated to dating him) and he left maybe 6 months later. It was a great way to meet a spouse!  I also was very big into networking.

Good luck!

Thanks for this! Great hearing success stories!  We don’t work on the same floor or on the same things right now either.

I’m good at professionally networking but very shy when it comes to flirting/trying to establish dating relationships.  But I feel confident around her and am not really nervous about approaching her beyond the workplace environment.  So I feel like that’s telling me something.

And yes I don’t want her to get snapped up by someone else.  She’s great and really the exact type of person I would see myself with.  The other thing is I don’t know 100% she doesn’t have a boyfriend, but it didn’t seem like it and there was at least one chance that I think she could’ve referenced him or made it clear but didn’t 

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In 1992 I was a summer intern at a major company.  Also a graduate intern.  One of my co-interns outrageously flirted with me.  I was single. I asked him to lunch and he went -a casual pizza place.  Oh my goodness.  It was obvious from the first second that away from the office he was no longer center of attention and he was majorly awkward (we were in our mid 20s)- no flirting and he mentioned a girlfriend for the first time. Right.  So you never know but it's always worth it in this situation.  Go for it!

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15 hours ago, lshopeful17 said:

I figured I’d chat with her Monday about scheduling that lunch with the executive at the firm, and then maybe sometime after we have that lunch together asking her to coffee and trying to feel out her vibes before actually asking for a date because I am cognizant that we do work together and I don’t want to make things awkward for her.  

This sounds like a good plan. You mention not being good at flirting, but you don't need overt flirting here. She likes your sense of humor, and if the two of you build a bond over your shared internship status, you'll have good opportunities to read her over time.

You sound aware of what's suitable behavior in the workplace, and you can enjoy cultivating the kinds of social and dating relationships that people trying to build a career there can't afford to indulge.

Head high, enjOy, and I hope you'll update us with great news.

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On 6/5/2022 at 1:09 AM, lshopeful17 said:

So I’m posting this as a completely oblivious dude lol.  Im looking for advice on how to pursue the situation. Sorry for the novel.

I’m an intern for a company and we had a networking event.  I ended up at a table with this girl and a bunch of others.  We only exchanged pleasantries, but later I was standing alone and she came over to talk to me, and we chatted for a while, then others joined us.  I noticed her eye contact when talking tonight more than I normally do with people.  

At the end of the event, people were going to a bar, and I was thinking of going home, so was she.  Once I got outside, I went and stood next to her while queuing up my Uber when she asked if I was going to the bar.  I just felt like this was less of a “oh hey you going” and more of a “I hope you’re going” but again I’m notorious for having no clue about signs or not.

We ended up walking alone because the other person decided not to go.  We talked for 20 minutes to the bar and had a really good conversation.  She seemed to laugh pretty hard at things I said that I didn’t think were particularly funny.  We were at the same table with others at the bar, and talked together with her friend.  We all left at the same time, and I walked pretty far ahead of her and her friend toward the exit because I didn’t wanna just linger around her and her friend in case it seemed weird or like I was overly interested lol. When I looked back (the bar was very big) her friend was nowhere to be seen but she was coming to the door (in my mind she was walking decently fast but idk if I’m just hoping that lol).  My gut was she would’ve walked with her friend or waited for her unless she wanted to talk to me (she also hadn’t requested her Uber yet).  Then her friend came out a minute later and we all waited for our rides together.

Anyway, we’re also getting lunch next week with an executive at the firm.  He asked her to find some other interns to go along, and I know him and she was very excited about it and mentioned it multiple times that she wanted me to go.

My gut really tells me she has some interest in me.  I’m a very confident person professionally but not really in the attraction dept.  these interactions felt different from girls who I know aren’t interested in me or who simply chat and I overthink it.  I guess maybe I should trust me gut, but how?  Just keep interacting with her and see how things go?

I don’t have any friends I feel comfortable telling updates to 😂 so I figured I’d post them here occasionally.

We have a messaging system at work, so this morning I asked her if she knew when lunch was going to be.  She messaged back and said she was going to email the executive.  I hadn’t heard back from her after that (slightly disappointing).  This afternoon we had an all intern training.  
 

As I was walking to the training, she must’ve come in behind me and then she came up to me and said hi and talked to me as we walked to the meeting.  It seems like the lunch won’t happen for a bit cause of the executive’s schedule.  Anyway, the seating was in rows so I sat behind her.  After the meeting was over, she didn’t look back at me and went to take her water glass to the table at the side of the room.  Luckily for me, she had dropped something under her seat, so I grabbed it and went and took it to her (it was a brownie from the cafe in a little container—at the bar last week she mentioned how she loves the brownies from there).  Then we talked the whole way to the elevators until we got into a packed one.  
 

During our walk to the bar last week I talked about this executive who sits on my floor.  As we were walking today she asked what floor my office was on, and I told her and said I’m like the only one up there.  She remembered this executive sits next to my office.  I know this is probably nothing but it was nice she remembered something from our walk haha.

It was also nice because when she approached me this afternoon her “hey” was definitely said in a way that seemed like she was happy to see me.  Again, I know this might not mean anything but it was nice nonetheless.

im gonna keep talking to her and keep engaged with her.  If the lunch doesn’t happen for a while, I figured I’d invite her to a lunch with a different executive I have lined up or grab coffee before the scheduled lunch.  I feel more confident after today doing that

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So do you get to see this girl every day at work or is she working in a different department? I agree that you should ask her out but I'm just wondering whether maybe you should talk to her a bit more first.

She potentially could be interested in her or she actually could have just been trying to mingle and be friendly. I say this because I'm a really outgoing and bubbly person myself and I'm always friendly and talkative to everyone. This actually has sometimes been mistaken by guys as me being romantically interested in them. Which actually isn't really a problem as long as the guy is nice and not creepy about it lol 

I agree that maybe adding on social media is a good idea and then try to chat there. If the conversations outside of work are going well then likely she would be interested.

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Tinydance said:

So do you get to see this girl every day at work or is she working in a different department? I agree that you should ask her out but I'm just wondering whether maybe you should talk to her a bit more first.

She potentially could be interested in her or she actually could have just been trying to mingle and be friendly. I say this because I'm a really outgoing and bubbly person myself and I'm always friendly and talkative to everyone. This actually has sometimes been mistaken by guys as me being romantically interested in them. Which actually isn't really a problem as long as the guy is nice and not creepy about it lol 

I agree that maybe adding on social media is a good idea and then try to chat there. If the conversations outside of work are going well then likely she would be interested.

I had never seen her before last week.  We are interns together but there are a lot of us and we work on different floors.  I agree that I think I need a bit more interactions with her.  We have some events this week I figured I’ll see her at and then ask coffee next week.  I also don’t want to be overly aggressive 
 

I definitely understand your point about being friendly, and I’ve thought about that.  I’ve had limited interactions with her, but she doesn’t strike me as particularly outgoing — I’ve only seen her interact with her office mate and classmates from the same school.  Like when we went to the after party last week, there were lots of people there that she could’ve talked to but stuck to me and her office mate.  And yesterday at the meeting, all of us were there and besides talking to her classmates I didn’t see her approach or talk with anyone else.

 

im trying obviously to be objective but I feel like she’s not just being friendly? I automatically assume this and I’ve felt differently with her.  Trust me I don’t get many approaches from women and I usually hedge against expecting they have any interest haha.

 

also to add, given our work relationship that won’t end for about 6 weeks, I’m hesitant to add on social media

 

Edited by lshopeful17
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48 minutes ago, lshopeful17 said:

I had never seen her before last week. — I’ve only seen her interact with her office mate and classmates from the same school.

also to add, given our work relationship that won’t end for about 6 weeks, I’m hesitant to add on social media

Asking to connect on social media is not a marriage proposal. Give her your LinkedIn and/or other social media. Win-win. It's appropriate to network, so it's fine. If sometime after the internship is over you want to contact her, you have her info.

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14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Asking to connect on social media is not a marriage proposal. Give her your LinkedIn and/or other social media. Win-win. It's appropriate to network, so it's fine. If sometime after the internship is over you want to contact her, you have her info.

That’s fair I’m gonna connect on LinkedIn.  I understand that’s social media but I view it differently than like FB

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Well I think if you add on Linked In and them message and say something to her there, you should get an idea if she's interested or not. At work and work events people might be friendly because they have to be and/or they're new. Whereas outside of work they don't have to interact with colleagues so it's only by choice.

Maybe just try to get a conversation going with her on Linked In and see how she's responding and if she's keeping the conversation going. You'll get an idea if she's interested if she keeps talking or just drops the conversation. If she keeps talking then maybe just ask her for a coffee. If the internship finishes in a few weeks then you don't really have anything to lose. If she's not interested you can just not see her again and it won't be awkward.

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30 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well I think if you add on Linked In and them message and say something to her there, you should get an idea if she's interested or not. At work and work events people might be friendly because they have to be and/or they're new. Whereas outside of work they don't have to interact with colleagues so it's only by choice.

Maybe just try to get a conversation going with her on Linked In and see how she's responding and if she's keeping the conversation going. You'll get an idea if she's interested if she keeps talking or just drops the conversation. If she keeps talking then maybe just ask her for a coffee. If the internship finishes in a few weeks then you don't really have anything to lose. If she's not interested you can just not see her again and it won't be awkward.

Thanks for your input!! I personally think I’ll add her on LinkedIn, but based on my interactions and feeling things out I should proceed with in person interactions for now.  I think that’s where my strengths are.  I understand your point about interacting only in the work environment but I think I need to build up more of a set of personal interactions first.

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7 hours ago, lshopeful17 said:

I don’t disagree but since we work together I’m trying to tread a bit carefully at the moment

This is smart. You don't want the rest of your internship to be rough if she declines or if something unexpected happens that doesn't work out.

Why not just envy her instead?

My rule of thumb is that I won't do anything where I'm not prepared to suffer consequences for the duration, but near my exit, I'm game.

Keep it non-creepy and you can read her over time.

There is no rush. 

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